[Monty_girl]

this is the anniversary of our last r**e 16 years ago. i hate the word last because there never should of been a first. but there is a lot of shame and blame that's so connected to the r**e. still trying to work out so many feelings. All I can say is how great my T is. just hearing his voice and laugh is calming and makes things OK.

next topic
pain pain pain pain !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm in so much pain today i can't stand it. i just want to cry and scream. i can hardly walk. my legs are actually moving better then my arms are. i'm not able to even raise my right arm up to my mouth to even eat. i hate this so much. i'm just so so very sad. my T last night said I should look into getting the voice program for my computer so I could at least get my work done. i've been home on the couch or in bed because it just plain hurts to move.
that's my venting and whining for tonight.
monty

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Monty,
T's are great and I'm glad you have one that you trust and can confide in and feel safe.

Sorry you are having a tough time. It's okay to feel bad sometimes. You've earned that right because of what happened. The trick is to not let it get ahold of you. It's okay to scream and cry - my T taught me to use a pillow, which is very hard because I avoid anger and emotions like the plague. I'm glad you're able to express yourself, it must be helpful, yes?

Anyway, you're not alone and we're here.
Safe hugs,
Anne

[dottie]

(((((((((Monty___girl))))))))) Sorry you are hurting. Sometimes it seems like it will never end! Take special care of yourself!!!

[(JD)]

I'm also glad to hear about your great T! Do all you can to reduce your stress...as this will also reduce your pain.

(No, that doesn't mean it's all in your head. If you know what I go through, you know I don't believe that.) But our bodies/minds are connected and everything we can do to eliminate unnecessary stress, save energy...it all helps us use that energy for good things for us. TC of yourself!

[Monty_girl]

Thanks for the safe hugs Anne

I understand avoiding emotions like the plague. I am a master of that. Is very hard to let the defendsives down and actual feel the emotions. Still learning.

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( dottie ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) TY

I'm trying to just sit back and do nothing today. It's helping some.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((monty)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so sorry. you're so amazing...all of you. you have been through so much...lately as well. i'm so sorry that i haven't been there for you as i feel i should. i'm coming back around.

please know that you're beautiful...so beautiful and strong. i'm sorry for your pain. i would take some if i could.

much love,

kd

[Monty_girl]

I thought about working today. But then I thought about how I'm just going to get worse if I try. Is hard for me to remember to set my limits and know that there are things I can do and that there are things and times that I can't do what I want to. It's that superwoman complex. I still have to learn I have my limit, just like every one else.

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Much Love to You

I understand where you are at right now. And I know that you'll be here when your able. Take your time. Ya got to breath.

Hon, I would not wish this pain on anyone. Well not my friends anyways. Maybe my abusers. Yeah, that's it. We'll take up everyones emotional and physical pain and make our abusers feel it. Oh wouldn't that be so great?

But I took my meds a little while ago and my pain med has started working. Moving a little easier.

Love Ya, Monty

[Evangelista]

Monty,

Anniversaries can commemorate such horrid events and memories, I am so sorry for the pain you are in. As a Rape Survivior, it's so not fair to have to relive these events and keep these anniversaries, but my prayers are with you, my hopes are there too, that with each anniversary you can learn new coping skills that will help you to heal, and incorporate your strengths into that day, your will to endure, your ability to reclaim what was brutally taken away..take care Monty you are in our thoughts..

[SongBirdandDaisy]

"anniversaries to commemorate such horrid events" hmm?

As a survivor of years of s****l abuse as a child, I know that pain you are speaking of. I have no anniversaries because everyday would be an anniversary . . . . . . But something Evangelista wrote made me think . . . . . . . what if you took your "anniversary" and turned it from a day of sadness and grief and turned it over and made it a day of joy because you "SURVIVED" and continue to survive . . . . that person took something away from you but you defeated him because you survive and do what you can to help yourself . . . . . you continue to live and grow personally despite the anguish of that day . . . . you beat him!

Just a thought. I'm not diminishing what happened to you AT ALL! I wouldn't want anyone to endure what we have had to endure . . . . like everyone else, I'm trying to take back my life and this new insight helps to keep things moving in a positive direction. Just wanted to share it with you as a thought.
Safe hugs,
Anne