[Puzzle_]

*Might trigger for slight rage on my part*

I just dont know where to turn, I know of no other DID's in my daily life...and I feel like I cant post.

I have been losing time like theres no tomorrow....and I end up in therapy and my therapist is talking and then suddenly its over...and I know NOTHING of what happened in therapy...
then next thing I know...Im lost..Just lost in my head...dont know what NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

and I cant tell ANYONE. I tell my therapist and they nod their head and I feel like I might as well just throw myself in a river..

I just

want to explode.
I JUST WANT TO EXPLODE!

I hate that everybody else is just so able to do this and that...and I barely know when im going to sleep or Im walking into a new moment every five seconds...and Im seemingly nowhere.



WHY CANT THERAPISTS UNDERSTAND...NODDING YOUR HEAD ISNT ENOUGH.

[roads]

If you don't feel safe posting here maybe you could go be in the garden. You might feel better there. iDK. Just a thought.

[Roseheart101]

Oh Puzzle,

I am sorry for you. I can understand why you would feel angry, even though I can't know how difficult it is for you. I do understand how it feels to be so unfocused that you don't know what to do next. I make so many lists so I can remember what I am supposed to do and then promptly lose them and I forget that I ever made them. Sometimes I find them days later, sometimes years later. My bedroom wall is covered with papers of things I am supposed to remember, but I forget to look at it a lot of the time.

Please do hang on, you are worth it. *hugs*

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Puzzle_

*Might trigger for slight rage on my part*

I just dont know where to turn, I know of no other DID's in my daily life...and I feel like I cant post.

I have been losing time like theres no tomorrow....and I end up in therapy and my therapist is talking and then suddenly its over...and I know NOTHING of what happened in therapy...
then next thing I know...Im lost..Just lost in my head...dont know what NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

and I cant tell ANYONE. I tell my therapist and they nod their head and I feel like I might as well just throw myself in a river..

I just

want to explode.
I JUST WANT TO EXPLODE!

I hate that everybody else is just so able to do this and that...and I barely know when im going to sleep or Im walking into a new moment every five seconds...and Im seemingly nowhere.



WHY CANT THERAPISTS UNDERSTAND...NODDING YOUR HEAD ISNT ENOUGH.

I wasn't able to do any of this until I was able to slow down my thoughts. I don't like admitting this but I needed to take an anti depressant in order for that to happen. Now that my thoughts have slowed down I am able to hear a conversation instead of everyone talking over each other. I have been able to make more sense out of what is being said. I do lose time occasionally but I have only been working with my dx for two and a half years. All you can do is explain to your Dr that "Nodding your head isn't enough" Ask that your Dr require a verbal answer or to restate what was just said. Dr's want to help, but I think most can't without us telling them what works and what don't. Feel better.

I'm sorry puzzle, I know this unsettling frustration. It's really sickening to deal with... to know that you just missed a lot of stuff and you don't even know why or how. I hope you feel settled at least temporarily, soon.

[likewater]

(((Puzzle))) i'm nodding my head at you comfortingly so you'll feel better. :-) losing time sucks. You feel disoriented and robbed and tired. Panicking doesnt help. What helped me is a tonload of meds. It slows everyng down. And a book called Got Parts. May angels
surround you and comfort you. Sending hugs if thats ok.

[(JD)]

(((hug))) If you don't tell your T that this is occurring, your T won't know. If you can discuss this with T, then maybe you both can find indicators so T knows when you're away or dissociating and can either change topics, engage the one who is there, or help you to stay through the hour. BUT T's AREN'T MINDREADERS... share share share!!!!

(((Puzzle)))

I'm sorry some T'sjust don't get it. It's awful to pop in and out of life...I know.
I don't want to sound cold, but could you practice grounding and mindfulness? Maybe it will keep you "there" longer.

[Hunny]

Puzzle,
I'm just here to say I support you. It will get better. Be gentle with yourself too.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by Roseheart101

Oh Puzzle,

I am sorry for you. I can understand why you would feel angry, even though I can't know how difficult it is for you. I do understand how it feels to be so unfocused that you don't know what to do next. I make so many lists so I can remember what I am supposed to do and then promptly lose them and I forget that I ever made them. Sometimes I find them days later, sometimes years later. My bedroom wall is covered with papers of things I am supposed to remember, but I forget to look at it a lot of the time.

Please do hang on, you are worth it. *hugs*

Talk about stick it notes I wish some one would invent one that would stick to your forehead. I get so embarrassed at work because right now I don't have facial recognition ...so I write down ...on a piece of paper or sticky note what my patient is wearing, hair color, wears glasses, old young you get it right?. I used to ask the same patient over and over who are you what is your name and other embarrising I dont remember you from 2 minutes ago questions...it really miffted my patients that I could not remember them

[ImMentallyILL]

I laughed to myself because I can relate even though I don't have DID I do have non stop dissociation. Losing time is very frustrating because people talk to you and you have no idea what the person just said. My dissociation is so bad that years of my life have been wasted and it feels like a minute went by and want to explode just like you

I will end up in strange places and wouldn't know how I go there everything is auto pilot. Unless you have dissociation nobody will understand what were going through not even doctors.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Puzzle))))

Sorry you are losing so much time and are so lost. We do hear you and you are not alone. For me, I too lose time and it is frustrating and makes you feel like you are losing it. When I lose time I feel embarrassed especially when things happen that I cannot explain and cannot remember.

I do have more co-consciousness now and that has helped but it took a long time to get that. But I still lose time especially around times that we are triggered or anniversary dates. It is frustrating and leaves you in the dark. Many have mentioned taking meds. I do not take any as my Psychiatrist is unsure who is taking them and who is not. But meds work different for each person.

I do not know any other people with DID in my real life either. And it is hard trying to tell or explain what is going on. I too try but I feel like no one really gets it at times when the blankness comes and I am asked questions. I do try to stay in the moment as much as possible but sometimes those moments seem to never come.

Practicing grounding and mindfulness helps at times when I can get there. It is important to tell your t the best you can because as others have said if they do not know they cannot help you. I know it is hard to talk to them when there is not a lot you can tell but it at least gives them some idea where we are at.

I know it is hard and sometimes that feeling of wanting to explode, to just disappear so I do not have to try to explain to anyone what is going on because many times there are no words, not any that make sense anyway. But at least try.

Each person is different so please do not hate that you do not know. We have all gone through that at some time and it can and will get better as you learn to trust yourself and your system. And they are also having to learn to trust us and it takes time, out a long trying to trust others in our life. Many never learned to trust, but that can come slowly as we begin to trust ourselves. That alone is a very hard one for myself and those within.

Those within had a job and they only know what they know. Can you try to start communicating with them? Slowly as it does not happen over night. I started with a bulletin board within and start leaving messages for those within and asked that they write back there. That I wanted to hear them. It took a while to get answers but now we use it a lot more.

Also, I have many journals, many have their own and they can write in those leaving me messages or writing their feelings or what they did that day. It took some time but now I can read them and it helps. I at first let them write and if they wanted me to read it to leave it in a place that I would know. I have tried to give them space and let them know that I respected them and would read if they wanted me to.

It has taken a long time to get to this place, but starting is what helped. Those within never learned to trust either and as with me, trust is hard and takes time to get to. But it will happen as you keep working towards being able to connect with the inside. There is still some that are too afraid to be heard but I do acknowledge that and let them know when they are ready it is there for them too.

We did not get this way over night and it takes to get better. It took me years to get the co-consciousness we have and still at times it feels like there is not much. You will get there too. Give yourself permission to have that time. Keep posting here how you are doing and reaching out. We do care and are here for you. Hugs if okay.

dps