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#1
Apr 16, 2006, 01:24 PM
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I was having a great day. So I decided to try some self help. My T has a web site and it has links and articles and I was browsing for information on intimacy and relationships and getting over the memories to have a fullfilling relationship.
Wrong thing to do! I freaked out! The whole system is disrupted! Everyone is in total unrest and scared and oh my goodness! I e-mailed my T, actually Daisy e-mailed him, and said I scared her and wants me to go away  I'm never going to get this. I am never going to get better. I'm bad and no good and what's the use.  
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 "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#2
Apr 16, 2006, 02:50 PM
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I am so sorry that happened. It sounds like maybe you went a little faster than you were ready to. I am sure Daisy does not really want you to leave she is just scared right now. Please be kind and gentle with her. It is great she reached out to your therapist. My heart goes out to all of you as I too have had that pain.
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#3
Apr 16, 2006, 10:08 PM
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Why did I try to get better? It just made things really confusing and everyone has been upset and I'm really sad. I feel like -    Songbird
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"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#4
Apr 16, 2006, 10:40 PM
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 You are good. All your feelings are okay. We will all help how we can, we can help hold umbrellas, help with listening.
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#5
Apr 16, 2006, 10:50 PM
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Sarah
My feelings don't feel like they're okay. I don't like feelings, they only cause trouble and then one of them wants to hurt us. She screams and yells and accuses me and I don't know what to do. I just want to be stable for a little while. I want the sadness to go away. I want all the littles to be happy, not so sad and confused. Songbird
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"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#6
Apr 16, 2006, 11:34 PM
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Have you heard back from T?
BIG HUGS Cher
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[b]If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.[b] -Catherine Aird  |
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#7
Apr 17, 2006, 06:29 AM
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Hi Cher,
I did hear back from T. He e-mailed and said it was an honest misdirection to look at that material and I am not far enough along in therapy to utilize that kind of material. So, I guess I shouldn't do it. I just want to get better and doing some research inbetween session. But, I will listen to T. He is very smart. I guess I goofed up. hugs, Songbird (I lost my whistler voice - no songs this morning) I was just trying to help myself. Does that mean I am bad?
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#8
Apr 17, 2006, 06:43 AM
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SongBird and Daisy, No! You are not bad! Sometimes I get triggered too, not on purpose. I guess it is about going at a pace that we can all cope with. ps. I think you are doing great! 
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#9
Apr 17, 2006, 10:02 AM
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((((((Songbird and Daisy))))))
I am learning that feelings and emotions aren't what hurt us, it's how we REACT and ACT that causes problems. The feelings are OK. It's ok to be scared and hurt and stuff like that. BUT it's NOT ok to like hurt yourself cuz your scared or upset. You just went too fast to read stuff you weren't ready for. That's ok. You'll work up to it. It's like exercise. Can't run a marathon if you haven't been getting your body ready for it. You have to start with like simple getting the muscles used to working. I hope this makes sense. You are doing fine. You are OK. Keep telling yourself that. Give Daisy a stuffie and let her cuddle. Or, let her draw or paint or even tear up a newspaper or something. Vicki and Naomi |
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#10
Apr 17, 2006, 11:46 AM
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 Thanks Pegasus. Lots of bouncing balls, one for each emotion - chaos and confusion. I'm still learning what my triggers are and what to do about them.
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#11
Apr 17, 2006, 11:50 AM
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 Daisy likes stuffies and definately needs one. Now, what to do about SnowBird? I did start a journal just for her. We made it fancy and promised T that we would write in that instead of bad stuff. She can't do anything T doesn't want her to do.What you say does make sense, sometimes the feelings are overwhelming though and I have to regroup. Thanks for the help, Vicki and Naomi. She isn't allowed to have friends (her thoughts, not mine). Maybe you guys could talk and get to know each other. That might help her to feel better. Warning though, she doesn't trust and is suspicious of everyone - including T. SongBird
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#12
Apr 17, 2006, 11:51 AM
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(((((((((((((((Songbird)))))))))))))))))
You are not bad. I am so happy for you that you have such a wonderful T to guide you through your journey. I tend to get ahead of myself and have been told the same thing you have by a T. It is difficult not too want too try to get answers for what is going on. Your awesome!!!! Hang in there!!!!
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[b]If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.[b] -Catherine Aird |
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#13
Apr 17, 2006, 11:55 AM
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.gif) Cher You're right. It is hard not to get ahead. In between sessions I just want to keep learning and growing so I look at things to help me understand. That's where I mess myself up and then start beating on myself (figure of speech). I have soooooooo much catching up to do. I have never lived life - just reacted to it in a defensive manner. This whole life thing is so new to me and I am just starting to understand that I have choices and rights? Who would have guessed?  So, I can push myself too hard. I guess lesson learned. It's hard to know what the line is. Songbird
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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#14
Apr 17, 2006, 04:23 PM
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"just starting to understand that I have choices and rights? Who would have guessed"
I know what you mean ggrrrrrrrrr and I am always getting triggered and beating myself up for being a "slow learner"  safe hugs, Fuzzy
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#15
Apr 17, 2006, 09:04 PM
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Fuzzy,
This whole thing is soooooo hard ! I think I'm making progress and then whammo! Something turns everything upside down again. GGRRRRR!!!!!I have so many questions about life and what it is and I'm frustrated and hating myself for not getting it and I don't know what I'm saying. Pdoc took me off Wellbutrin XL today. He thinks it's making my anxiety way worse. So, I'm stopping cold. That should be interesting, but I like pdoc. He's always concerned about me and not who's next. I'll still take the others and the antianxiety (double up) for now and we'll see in two weeks. Good God! Why is this so difficult? Why can't I get this stuff? Why can't everything be normal?
__________________
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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