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#1
Jun 26, 2012, 11:25 PM
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I made a post earlier and asked for it to be deleted. I don't want to fall back on a dx of DID as an excuse for bad behavior. I feel lost; there's no more hospital for me, I've lost all faith in my T and P doc. The T that was wonderful for me has left that hospital as did my social worker. I'm floundering. I don't want to live any more. I don't want to see currant T because it's such a waste of time. I might be starting an "affair" with a former hospital worker. I sometimes don't think it's all me...but another inside. That sounds like an excuse. There isn't any hope for me. I sabbotage any progress I make. AND who is this "I" anyway???
 I want to get locked up forever. 
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 anonymous12713, Anonymous43209, Gr3tta, IowaFarmGal
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#2
Jun 26, 2012, 11:36 PM
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t/y Trinity
anyone please respond even if it's to tell nme I'm a total jerk. 
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| IowaFarmGal, UnhingedHick
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#3
Jun 26, 2012, 11:39 PM
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I HATE I HATE I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT
HATE THIS ME |
| IowaFarmGal, UnhingedHick
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#4
Jun 26, 2012, 11:42 PM
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PLEZE want my oter T Lady. I wan T lady pleze!
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| IowaFarmGal, UnhingedHick
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 UnhingedHick
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#5
Jun 27, 2012, 12:44 AM
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Hi. I'm not sure what to say but I wanted to respond to let you know that someone has heard you. It sounds like you are really triggered and down on yourself right now. If the affair is not going to be a good thing for you you can choose to stop it. Not saying it will be easy, but you have the power to control your own behavior. Talk to your insiders. Ask for help from each other. Offer help to each other. Rally together. If you make mistakes, forgive each other.
Above all, remember that as long as you are breathing there is hope. |
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#6
Jun 27, 2012, 08:54 AM
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((((calista)))) we are very sorry you feel so bad. we try very hard to stay out of this forum since it triggers us beyond belief but if you ever need anything-ever-please just send us a PM and we will be there for you♥♥♥
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| Anonymous59365
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#7
Jun 27, 2012, 01:02 PM
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Calista I saw you plea for someone please post in this thread post...
Im sorry I didnt post sooner When I saw this post Im replying to, yesterday it made me feel helpless and a bit scared for you..to me it looks like you were in a Self injury/suicidal thoughts type crisis.. the words in your post that make me think this is Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I also read somewhere around here that these boards are not for when you are in active suicidal/self injury mode. which is another reason why I wasnt going to post in this thread. now that I have taken care of my own helplessness feelings and scared for you feelings I reread your post... if you really wanted to get locked up for ever you would not have posted. you would have instead done something that would get you arrested and locked up in jail for yrs or done something that would have gotten you locked up in a mental facility for yrs to come. As for the self injury stuff of self sabotoging your progress and maybe go out and have an affair... you are right DID isnt an excuse for bad behavior. Sometimes these things do happen with DID because thats what the alters purpose/job Reason for being is.. you didnt say you ***are*** having an affair. You didnt say your alter ***is*** having an affair.. that right there tells me its well within your control whether you do it or not. if it wasnt you wouldnt have posted about it your alter would have gone out and done it. my point is you didnt do anything wrong...,as far as I can see in this thread ... you didnt try to kill yourself you didnt go out and have an affair last night. you didnt do anything that would get you locked up for ever. you posted here instead...guess what ...you can sabotage your progress all you want and progress you are doing...even with all the negative things you try to do you are moving forwards, you are progressing..you ***have**** progressed. my suggestion give yourself kudo's... you posted here and you kept yourself safe terrific job. might I also suggest that next time instead of waiting/ hoping someone will post replies to a suicidal/self injury post you contact your treatment providers.. aside from the fact of how it made me feel so helpless and scared for you...there have been times when I have been on and only a handful of people were online so they could not be everywhere reading every post/every thread... theres no way of knowing if and when help will arise when you post on forum boards. when times dictate you need someone to post right away, as soon as possible thats the time when a call to crisis lines, and your treatment providers work best. theres a post around here possibly in depression or self injury boards that has the crisis information of places to call in situaitons like this.. I would hate for you to be in this situation again and no one come to your rescue because theres not enough people online to see your post or because they are taking care of their self first. Again give yourself lots of kudo's for keeping yourself safe last night.
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| Anonymous59365
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| Gr3tta, Luce
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#8
Jun 27, 2012, 05:24 PM
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I contacted Doc John asking if it was possible to post the crisis posting here in Dissociative disorders for me and others that may have times like this. he told me something I did not know..
if you scroll to the very bottom of every page there is a gray box that is "helplines and lifelines" its got the crisis information in it. thanks Doc John for that box I know I can use it some nights. 
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#9
Jun 27, 2012, 09:27 PM
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I'm sorry I didn't see your post before now callista+12. I feel so bad for you. I know it would be tough for me to change therapists too. I hope that it's just a getting to know each other problem but I know that's not always the case. Hugs and prayers that you are alright and the situation can be fixed.
__________________
Last edited by IowaFarmGal; Jun 27, 2012 at 09:32 PM. Reason: add comment |
| Anonymous59365
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#10
Jun 28, 2012, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
I'm sorry I never meant this to be a suicidal/crisis post. I was in turmoil. I don't want anyone to think they're responsible for my safety. I made a mess of it all....sorry 
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| Gr3tta, IowaFarmGal
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#11
Jun 28, 2012, 12:15 AM
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I'm sorry I posted any of this crap. It's just stupid nonsense. If I triggered anyone I am sorry. I'll be quiet now.
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| Gr3tta, IowaFarmGal
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#12
Jun 28, 2012, 11:14 AM
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Please don't feel bad for asking for somebody to be there for you. It takes a lot of looking to find the right therapist that is a good match. Losing them would be a huge trigger for anyone. It makes sense you would have trouble with it. Don't apologize for what you need. Hugs {{{{{{{{{{{{{Callista+12}}}}}}}}}}}}}!
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| Anonymous59365
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#13
Jun 28, 2012, 12:48 PM
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I, for one and many, don't want you to ever "be quiet now." Please keep sharing. I don't believe anyone was upset with you for your post, just upset for you. I am so glad you were able to keep yourself safe. Losing trusted members of your treatment team must be so very scary! I don't blame you for getting so upset. It likely upset many within as well, which may be where some ideas that you don't necessarily agree with, such as having an affair, may have come from.
Please show yourself lots of gentleness as you get adjusted to these new circumstances. Please let us know how you are? Take care.
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| Anonymous59365
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#14
Jun 28, 2012, 01:54 PM
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Calista... something I have learned about me and my reading/writing posts here and in life in general...you can be talking about the sweetest, most relaxing thing...and theres going to be someone somewhere in this big blue world we live on thats going to be triggered by it. there are thousands of members here and its not possible for me to please and not trigger each and every one of them that may read my posts. and Im sure I have triggered many.
but my job as a member here isnt about pleasing everyone else is it? heck even my off line life and career isn't about pleasing every single person on this big blue world we live on. my job/reason for being here is for me, my issues and to help those I can. don't worry about triggering others and having to shut up because others cant handle reading your posts.. everyone here must take care of their self, Psych Central has given us some help by supplying that fabulous ignore list in our profiles but ultimately we must take care of ourselves. my point of my previous post to you was ***not*** meant to point out that your post was triggering to others so shut up.. my point was to let you know why it took me so long to answer your post...that for me the topic of suicide right now is scary and triggering for me. the reason it is wasnt because of you, someone I know just succeeded in their suicidal efforts,so before I posted to you I took the steps needed to take care of my self first. again your post was triggering to me but you were not the reason behind the triggering feelings I felt. just like you didnt know this topic was triggering for me and why, I dont know whether the word **flowers*** is triggering for someone else and why..I love flowers but that doesnt mean someone else hasnt had a bad deal with flowers.. does that mean no one can post anything about flowers because they run the risk of triggering someone.. no not at all. it just means those that are triggered by words other write must take the time to take care of their self. Calista whether you shut up or not thats your choice.. my opinion is that I dont want you to shut up.. regardless of what you post sometimes just posting something makes a person feel better. I love to see people posting because that means they are doing what they need to, to take care of their mental well being. I can suggest to you that you may want to consider writing more posts..but only you can decide whether you shut up or not. |
| Anonymous59365
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#15
Jun 28, 2012, 03:30 PM
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I was not triggered by your post and I did not see it as a suicidal post. I guess it's how you look at it. I hope that you continue to write and continue to seek support here. I am sorry you're old therapist cannot be there for you anymore. I am sorry that makes you so sad. I wish that it did not.
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| Anonymous59365
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#16
Jul 06, 2012, 02:09 PM
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Things went from bad to worse BUT even IF I was suicidal, I would never admit it here or most places. The chance of not being heard is too great and that would add to the self hate that's already in place.
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| Gr3tta, IowaFarmGal
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#17
Jul 08, 2012, 09:32 PM
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((((((((Calista+)))))))))))))) WE HEAR YOU LOUD and Clear!!!!
I'm so sorry things are a mess, if this brings you any comfort, I am too. Hey, I'm sorry about the other day, mis communications causes at times problems! Your not alone try to remember that,  Crew now let's do the chilli dance, come on Calista let's move our business   and NO, I am NOT trying to make light your situation, just want to bring a smile to your face.  !!!
__________________
later |
| Anonymous59365
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#18
Jul 09, 2012, 01:36 PM
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I'm new, but wanted you to know, I care. If you ever need to talk. I'm a good listener. Patti
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| Anonymous59365
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#19
Jul 14, 2012, 11:42 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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