[sujunew]

I feel like I am floating around the place all by myself, so disconnected from everything. I stand out on the porch having a smoke and look out towards the street, and the neighbourhood, but feel like the house is like Dorothy's in The Wizard of Oz- floating above the ground. My world is spinning. I am getting so tired. When people come to see me and to see how I am doing they see a strong, happy person who appears to be coping really well. But deep inside are the real feelings- the severe exhaustion, the total unhappiness, the person who just gets by each day by doing what needs to be done, and sometimes less. Is this what is meant by an alter? I am well used to dissociating- I have done it for years, and I have always hidden my 'true self' from everyone, but now, while my head is spinning so much, I feel I need to look further into this. I am just so lost, and I don't know which way to go next...

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((irishsj)) I feel kinda like that a lot..I dont know the answer ..hang in here and talk....so many in here care for you and know what you are feeling

well close as they can

[cherybery]

irish, for me an alter will leave me sleepy. Sometimes I will feel like I am in a dream-like state or even blachout for moments. When I walk the floor will feel wavy. So many physical things can happen. Have you spoke to the doc about this? My alters can come forth with or without stress. It's all based on the situation.
HUGS
Cher

[sujunew]

That's the thing- I don't really know anything about 'alters'. Is that the person you 'become' when you dissociate? Is that the person you hide behind in everyday life? I'm just so confused right now...

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Irish,

Hello! There is good information on the internet about alters, dissociative identity disorder, and in the info section of this web site. I find having some knowledge, helps to lesson the confusion. It doesn't take it away or make it better, but it will give you a building block in which to make some sense out of things and help you to cope. Do you have a T?

Switching (when one alter comes out who is not "me") gives me migraines and makes me so gosh darn sleepy. I'll feel like I'm in a fog for an hour or so after. Sometimes longer. Finding grounding techniques that work for you is also valuable tool during times like this. I have to write them down and carry a list with me because I find it so hard to get my brain to focus during that time - writing them down gives me something to look at and focus on. Grounding techniques can be found at the top of this forum or by putting those words in search.

I hope this helps and I hope you find the confusion a little less.

New Zealand? I've heard that is a beautiful country!

Hugs (if okay)
SongBird

[hillbunnyb]

irishsj, Hello new friend. Sounds like you're at a place where gatherng information is key. Where do you fit on which spectrum? I have been blown away by the depth of knowlege
shared, first person, on this site. . . and the kindness and support that pour straight from the hearts of members, whew, I love this site. Hope you hang around.

no this is not an alter but is dissociating. Dissociating is not being mentally connected to what is physically going on - floaty and far away.

an alter is the acting out of a memory that you cannot remember and unless you have been in therapy and that therapist helped you to become "co-conscious" you would not know you are acting out a memory or even know what that memory is.

for example right now I am a bit dissocaited. I feel kind of floaty and light headed one way I explain the feeling of being dissocaited is the same feeling you get after taking cold medications - some people call it balloon head, medicine head, medication hang over

I have an alter Margo. I would dissociate into my mental safe place la laland. Mentally I was floating on my clouds, sitting under my tree, listening to music and going to sleep.

Physically I was acting out a memory - I picked up a table and threw it at my therapist. when experiencing the Margo memories I am not aware of what I am doing or saying, but I do know from my therapist telling me that I swore at her

I am not co conscious with the "Margo" memories. But I have been co conscious with other memories. You can find my experience with it in my blog but bottom line-

when I am co conscious its kind of like being floaty and far away at the same time as the memory is playing like a flashback and at the same time knowing what my therapist is saying and doing and being able to see my therapist at the same time as seeing the memory that is replaying.

[sujunew]

thanks guys for your answers and support. I have tried researching this a bit, but felt I would get better info from those here at PC. Myself, thanks so much, you have really clarified things for me. I can see it is definately dissociation, and nothing else. So I guess I will just keep plodding along my uncertain path at this time, and try to just roll with all the punches that are thrown my way!! Hillbunnyb, I usually 'hang out' in the SI forum, relationships forum, or depression forum... There is an awful lot going on for me right now and confusion is the least of it!! Nice to meet you and thanks for the support. Songbird, thank you too- and of course NZ is a wonderful place!!! (Think about it, we are the same size as Japan but only have 4,000,000 living here... )

[sujunew]

myself, I just read your blog, and it has answered everything I think I wanted/needed to know or didn't understand. It's just been so confusing (as I keep saying!) over the last few weeks especially this last week, and I didn't know what was really going on. I am feeling a bit more settled at the moment, even more so now I have some info on 'alters', which I never knew about or understood before. Thanks for your help

You're welcome. I was a whole lot confused too before anyone told me what was happening to me too. Glad it helped and glad I could help.

Take care.