[Monty_girl]

Sometimes this happens to me, well a lot. I can't trust people because I think that they are just being nice to me because they want something. I don't have friends. Never have, and more then likely never will. Only time I talk to anyone is online. Sometimes I think people are talking about me negatively. Cause why would anyone say anything nice about me in the first place. I get extremely paraniod and think that total strangers on the street are talking about me. I hear someone laugh and I think that they looked over in my direction and found how funny and stupid I am.

Sometimes, well a lot lately I don't respond to people's post even though I want to. Just very paraniod of what someone might say. I get very paranoid making any post. Think people are laughing at me and that they might track me down. It's my extreme paranola. Last night I ended up in the bathroom with no lights on in the pitch dark, rocking in the floor. Terrified people were after people. At one point in my life I did not leave my house. I couldn't leave the bedroom somedays. So paranoid that people were after me.

How can I trust anyone if I'm paranoid of them and their motives???

[wanttoheal]

Outside of the dark part Monty, this is me. I so understand. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. It's terribly hard. I guess we keep working with T and in that learn what trust is. Please know I care Monty.

[bipolar_bear]

I think you have taken a huge step in realizing it is the paranoia speaking. It sounds like you have made tremendous strides from where you once were. Don't give up. You certainly are in a dilemma and I hope you continue to reach out to others. Please take care and feel free to PM me should you want to.

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate to some of this (a lot maybe) I used to be more paranoid than I am now... including the sitting in the dark thing sometimes. Things will get better hon.
Take care
Fuzzy

I have a couple friends that go through this. One has schizophrenia and the other borderline personality disorder. Some ways they handle this is -

1. call their psychiatrist for medication check up. Sometimes when people have been on the same medication for a while thier body builds up a tollerance so the dosage or type of medication needs needs changing.

2. they have made out an emergency list. They asked friends, neighbors and acquaintences if they can call them in an emergency because they live alone. When that person says yes they write that persons name phone number and address down on paper, on the paper too are a list of things that helps to calm them for example a song, a bath, getting a soda from the fridge... Then when these feelings hit they just go down the list.

3. Call their therapy agencys after hours number or their therapists voicemail. Sometimes just hearing their therapist voice helps. I personally have called SKR's voicemail every night when ever I woke up from a nightmare in panic and just hearing her say her voicemail greeting was enough to get me back into reality enough to follow my emergency list for my panic attacks.

4. I have also given them the number of a local hot line service. I have used hot line services for over 20 years and have never been turned away. Sometimes they can only stay on for a few minutes because they are in the middle of an active suicide and helping the police, other times they have stayed on the phone with me for hours and hours. Some nights I end up calling them more than once. when that happens they transfer my call to the on call therapist so that the lines are free for more callers but I get the help I need also. They also now use the hot line number and have had great experiences using it.

I wish I had an answer for you, Monty, because then I could use it myself. All I will say is that my T is challenging me to step outside my comfort zone and challenge my unhealthy thoughts by doing things I would not normally do. For example, this week he set me the task of expressing a different opinion to someone else. That's something I would normally stay well away from, because (a) growing up I was not encouraged to have or express opinions, and (b) I fear that if I don't say what people want to hear they will reject me. But I've tried it twice so far this week (with some trepidation) and each time the sky hasn't fallen on my head! I suppose what I am saying is taht I am finding that if I keep on doing what I've always done, I'll get what i have always got, and ultimately the only way I can affect my thoughts (aside from all the medicines I take) is by changing the way I behave. It certainly is not easy though, and without my T's insistence and support I am sure I couldn't have done it. But making some changes is encouraging me to look at other patterns of behaviour I can change as well.
Thinking of you.

[(JD)]

Good posting! IMO, once we are able to build up some confidence in who we are, we become less effected by others.

Learning to trust ourselves first, will give us a base to build upon to trust others. Having feelings of paranoia does not make one paranoid. Trust issues are huge for those who have experienced a complete collapse of trust in those with that responsibility.

Small steps first. I agree with bipolar bear... you have taken a good step in identifying part of what is going on with you.

BTW (((monty))) I want to share with you that my requesting (ppl in chat usually) to not use reds or oranges is due to those colors causing migraines and seizures in susceptible ppl (me included.)

I will try and not use the color that triggers part of you, when I can remember. (Just like I try and not use a signature on posts in a few of the forums.) TC!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Monty Girl,

I hide in the dark sometimes, I never know why, I just do. I think it's from flashbacks, in my case. dunno.

My thoughts are with you.

Snowbird

[(JD)]

Monty girl, when you want to post, but aren't sure what to say... why not try just a smilie for a post? There are several different ones right here at PC! Click on the Use Smilies <---------- over there on the left when you are in the REPLY BOX then click on the smilie you want and it will be put into your reply. (You can learn some of your favorites ones and just type it in; they begin and end with a colon (

I don't mind someone leaving "only" a smiley for me. It tells me they read the post and that they wanted to reply!

TC

[cherybery]

((((((((((((((Montygirl)))))))))))))))
I used too "overly trust" people at one point in my life. Now I am quite the opposite. I think people who are compassionate can get caught up in a cycle where others may walk all over us. Then you get too a point where the barriers begin to come up and before you know it you feel like you cannot trust anyone especially if something traumatic has happened from someone you felt you could trust. I think there are ways through therapy we can learn too have boundaries yet begin to trust others but it takes time. Almost like you have to learn once again you can have certain boundaries yet trust others.
Hang in there hon!
HUGS
Cher

I have these same issues as well MG.

I( understand

[Monty_girl]

Think that I've been hurt so many times that it's feel impossible to trust people. Move in with our grandparents to be safe. It wasn't. Go to a state hospital to keep us safe, Wasn't. So very time I thought that I would be safe it turned out I wasn't. I trust very few people. It took a few years to trust T. And still that's if'y on days. The days that I'm triggered more and switching more are the days I really become very paranoid. Because I don't know what I've done or said.

Monty

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Monty

I can understand how it is difficult for you to trust with all the things that have happened in your past. Trust seems like such a simple word - but it is so BIG! It's not easy to do for anyone, and then to add bad experiences on top . . . . . .

I share a similiar experiencee, as I'm sure many of us here do. I don't have an answer. But, I do have friendship and support offered to you . . . . and it's safe because I'm in this little box

I have ups and downs . . . and with T . . . . but thank God we have them to help us sort through stuff.

Wishing you nothing but safe, peaceful thoughts, at least for the moment, if nothing else.

Safe hugs, if that's okay?

SongBird