[SongBirdandDaisy]

I can't leave it like this, too many people will worry. I see T tomorrow. So, that's good. Just more of the same crap today and I feel like I just can't do this anymore. I will, but good god give me a friggin break!

[Fuzzybear]

I am not sure I fully understand your post.... I am very confuzzled today though. Please don't leave it like this Good luck with T!
Kind thoughts,
Fuzzy

oh I know its so frigging frustrating.

You know though, eventually we have to beleieve that the bad will get lesser than the good

[SongBirdandDaisy]

that's what T always says . . . . but sometimes it is so very hard to believe . . . . i am trying *weeps*

Songbird

[SongBirdandDaisy]

"confuzzled" - that's cute, just like you.

What I mean is, if I were the kind of person who could do something permanently bad to myself, I proboblly would. But I can't because - private reasons that I know you will respect.

But, words cannot discribe how terribly low I am and helpless, not to help myself, but to get help from other people. Like, I don't even want to talk to T and usually it is a big help. But, I feel like he can't help me with this. I feel like no one will ever be able to help me with this.

I have no life left in me. I have to snap out of this and I can't! Someone please help me.

Songbird or is it Snowbird coming through?

[SongBirdandDaisy]

[Fuzzybear]

[nothemama8]

Sweetie it doesn't matter who's comin through we love all of you, honey it feels bad now but it will get better, you just hang in there with all of us we'll get you through this, just like your always here for us we're here for you
Angie

[SongBirdandDaisy]

I'm sorry. I'll answer tomorrow.

((((Songbird, Daisy, Snowbird and Shaylee))))

I'm glad you recognise that you won't hurt yourself in that way, but so so sorry for the pain you are going through. I hope your session with T helps. Sometimes actively trying to notcie what is happening now helps. My tendency is to focus on worries for the future and hurt about the past. If I can focus on living in the here and now, that sometimes helps when the pain is bad. I know how hard it is though. Also be gentle with yourself, and give yourself treats - because no matter how yuo feel, you DO deserve to have good things. Try to build in little treats throughout the day - a hot chocolate, time reading, a hot bath - whatever it is that you enjoy.

Be safe

[SongBirdandDaisy]

To All My Friends

Sometimes I think I don't deserve to have such wonderful support . . . . but please know that you have all kept me safe . . . . . . I see T tonight . . . . I hope he's got some magic left . . . .

Songbird, daisy, shaylee, snowbird, and the other two

[bipolar_bear]

I hope your T visit goes wonderfully. I'll bet he has a whole bag of magik left for all of you. You are a strong person and I look up to how well you all are doing. Again, I hope it went well. Take care and hugs for those that want them.

[hillbunnyb]

My friend, you made it through to a new day!! Good job. I hope t works his magic once again. Those good t's have deep magic pockets. Sorry you've had such a rough time. Us bunnies are sending you fresh green spring energy wrapped in lovely warm sunshine. And a couple worms to tickle your roots.

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">Yes, let us all know how safe you are after T visit! I hope you find it is better than you expected... and not scarey bad at all.

Nobody needs to hurt herself because of bad thoughts or things in the past. You are all being the best you can be right now, and those things aren't happening now.. you are safe... especially here at PC!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

I did have a wonderful session with T last night. I was kind of dissociative after I left, and totally peaceful, so I vegged out when I got home. I was foggy from the hypnotherapy.

So, he used hypnotherapy to help me create a safe place in my mind so I could go there whenever things became confusing, anxious, scared etc.

I have today off

He explained how a lot of feelings stem from fear, which is inbread in me because of the abuse (I added that part). But, what we are doing in therapy is like in chemisty, when you burn away the liquid, you are left with the basic element - which is fear. If I can have a safe place to go to when I need it, then it will help alleviate that fear and ease the other emotions that are causing a problem, as we continue with our other work (therapy stuff).

He also explained about the four basic emotions: sad,mad,glad,afraid. I internalize my feelings, I guess, I know I do - abuse issue. He has encouraged me to keep drawing (I'm a portrait artist) to use that as a way of expressing how I'm feeling at the time, as an outlet until we can develop better assertive communication and I can learn how to interact with people in a healthy way and not keep up these barriers all the time (trust issue).

Which brings me to my project today, which I'm hoping some of you can help me with. He said something about him being human????? What is is like/mean to be human? I never realized it until last night, that I don't consider myself to be part of the human race. (No, I'm not an alien, nor do I think that I am - not that there is anything wrong with that ) I mean, because of the things that happened to me, I have always felt like some kind of reject and not allowed to be "part of the human race". He says I am - go figure???

Okay, I'll take his word for it. But, that means I have to learn how to be a human. I have no idea where to start nor what it entails. Anyone have any ideas?

I really don't feel part of my body, I feel as though I am a spirit that drifts within this physical form. Maybe it comes from not wanting to accept what happened to me? I don't know.

You have all been so kind and wonderful and brought me to tears with your kindness during these last few difficult weeks. I could not have made it without all of your unconditional support and guidance and hugs and understanding. YOU ARE ALL TRULY AMAZING (TEARS OF HAPPINESS). May God always smile upon you!

SongBird