[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

So far my parts... and i may be wrong but from what i can tell...

I have a male part, hes an adult but thats all i can tell and he doesnt come out often

I have a part that has extreme anxiety, of which has landed us in the hospital

I have a part thats very assertive and angry, a "bi***" if you will (and i appreciate this part)

There is a pre teen girl part, that apparently likes shopping

A part that is an adult woman, soft spoken and gentle

And me, apparently another part, and im the main one out because according to t ive got the best social skills and more calm temper

And the other parts, im just not sure yet. Im going by memories of what i was told during the blackouts, putting pieces together (its like a puzzle, but im a good puzzle solver)

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I dont think they have names but do carry their own traits. I am only aware of the male part because of pictures of me as a child wearing my brothers clothing, as well as hearing him from time to time.

I dont know if there are any "littles" as ive dreamt of them but to my recollectiom, cant say there are...

So im just trying to figure it out, i didnt know anything about my parts, i didnt think i did at least, but it looks like i do

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I dont think they have names but do carry their own traits. I am only aware of the male part because of pictures of me as a child wearing my brothers clothing, as well as hearing him from time to time.

I dont know if there are any "littles" as ive dreamt of them but to my recollectiom, cant say there are...

So im just trying to figure it out, i didnt know anything about my parts, i didnt think i did at least, but it looks like i do

yup looks like you do know about your parts and what they are like, keep up the good work.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

So in effort to figure out the parts, which I am one according to t... When the host goes in, does she stop aging? Parts don't age correct? So does she stop aging when she stays inside and doesn't come out any longer?

I guess the aging part has a lot to do with the way I feel. I've been the main part out for some time now and have since felt the same age, I don't know what age I would call it but since the bodies 16th birthday I remember even then thinking there was no way I was that young. While I still feel that way nearing on 25, I've never felt my age. I've always felt (maturity wise and when I look in the mirror) that I'm in my 30s. Doctors used to say it was because I had to mature at such a young age, but if I'm a part that could make sense right? I don't feel like I've matured any more than I did 9 years ago and I've always commented on how old I am starting to look. Although no one else sees it.

So back to the question, if I'm not in fact the host and she's inside somewhere, is she aging or is she staying the age she was when she gave up and let someone take her place?

[MinnieMargot]

Only your insiders can answer that, since they will have access to her.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Communication isn't their best quality, they like to stay hidden from me, unless I'm not looking for it. Don't know how to get better inner dialogue or whatever it's called, I'm working on it but they never seem to want to talk to me, only eachother... So frustrating

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

So in effort to figure out the parts, which I am one according to t... When the host goes in, does she stop aging? Parts don't age correct? So does she stop aging when she stays inside and doesn't come out any longer?

I guess the aging part has a lot to do with the way I feel. I've been the main part out for some time now and have since felt the same age, I don't know what age I would call it but since the bodies 16th birthday I remember even then thinking there was no way I was that young. While I still feel that way nearing on 25, I've never felt my age. I've always felt (maturity wise and when I look in the mirror) that I'm in my 30s. Doctors used to say it was because I had to mature at such a young age, but if I'm a part that could make sense right? I don't feel like I've matured any more than I did 9 years ago and I've always commented on how old I am starting to look. Although no one else sees it.

So back to the question, if I'm not in fact the host and she's inside somewhere, is she aging or is she staying the age she was when she gave up and let someone take her place?

unfortunately no one has discovered that fountain of youth (the legendary spring that would halt/regress the biological aging process) yet so the host (other locations call this the core, body self, one born to the body ) continues to age physically.

the mental health community where I live and work understand that mental aging (other locations call this mental maturity, mental development) can be affected by both physical things and mental things.

example a person can be 50 yrs old and have the mentality of a 5 yr old because of down syndrome, other health issues...

a person can be an adult but have the mental maturity of a 16 yr old because they quit school and lack the social and educational back ground attending high school gives a person.

one thing you have going for you Purple Flying Monkeys is that (if Im remembering right) you have already been diagnosed at some point in the past. Part of the diagnostic process of DID is the evaluating psychiatrist noting what the hosts mental maturity and physical functioning level is. so since yo have been diagnosed all you need to do is look at your diagnostic report, it will tell you with in the body of the report what the hosts mental maturity is and what the physical functionality is... it is also noted in the page that tells what all your diagnosis is... mental and physical maturity of the host is noted in the GAF, if there are any problems that are not age appropriate mentally and physically they will be noted both in the body of the report and at the bottom of the GAF.

as for parts aging correctly some do and some dont. it all depends upon how each persons own internal system is set up. it maybe you are not mentally maturing because thats part of your job/ purpose and reason for being.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Communication isn't their best quality, they like to stay hidden from me, unless I'm not looking for it. Don't know how to get better inner dialogue or whatever it's called, I'm working on it but they never seem to want to talk to me, only eachother... So frustrating

((((PurpleFlyingMonkeys))))( thank you so much for your support) My core part is only one years old,we keep her safe deep down and we try not to wake her. My T drew us a picture a very simple one she put the core( the original part that was born) then there is a wall that is built around her, then we have our major splits and splits of splits.My T says as parts are integrated the core will age with the body.
Most of our parts have not aged with the body.We have a very interacate System.There are divisions, kind of like an internal "city" There is even a hierarchy IE..The Colonel is the head and he can send messages through out the System , then Daniel, Kimberly and on and on it goes....we have protector parts(the protectors have their own charges they are responsible for),teen parts and little ones,some only hold a memory(ies),some perform living functions,some hold down jobs,some relate to the out side world I have several of them we call those parts Hosts(me) like you were saying they are usually out in front and these parts are the most mature and capable of dealing with people in the present time.They are like my front line people they are able to interact with the public so that keeps the rest of us safe. I am not co-conscious with all my parts.Some times they will talk to me but mostly they talk to each other having been dissociative all my life I am quite used to the internal noise.Have I helped in any way or have I confused you more?Sometimes I am grateful for all my alters but I'm at a point in my life where they are causing me more trouble then in the past. I have been working with a new T for about a year and I am healing quite a bit she has 20 years experience working with d.i.d....she is tough...sometime we wish we could throw things at her ( soft things of course) and there are time we want to hide under her desk,times when little ones want to hold on to her legs and peep around because they feel safe , times when we have cussed her out,times when we want to keep on driving and never go back and times when we don't know what else to do but show up for our appointments.She accepts all of us and knows that each alter has a job,an assignment or reason for being.We are learning to communicate internally. Sorry If I have bored you to death.(Thats a group hug from all of us) such is life...

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you such, that really does help.

Any tips to helping out internal dialogue?

It seems to only happen for me when I'm falling asleep I'll catch it and they are never talking to me but are talking to eachother. So when I'm trying to sleep I will try to ask them to talk, ask questions, but honestly I'm so tired and my sleep is so off, I'm desperate to just fall asleep so deep down I hope they don't start to talk. This is probably an issue, and I don't try that hard to be honest.

But I want to start working on communication, just don't really know how. Tried the journal approach but it never seems to work either... Any thoughts?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Amanda, I didn't even see your post.

Thank you for your response, it does make total sense. I was diagnosed 10 years ago, but when my t requested my medical records be sent, the psychiatrist said he only keeps his records for 7 years, I had a copy but lost them in an accident a couple years back.

The new therapist works with my pdoc and they both have together come to the conclusion that my original diagnosis was correct, although in the beginning neither doctor agreed to it and first ruled it out saying they wanted to start from scratch.

I've had numerous therapists and psychiatrists title me DID, just no one until the recent therapist really explained what that meant. And the sessions are so short I don't have time to ask all of the questions I want to know in these short sessions, in time though I will. Do you think he would have any of the information you mentioned?

[MinnieMargot]

I got dialogue going by making sure my insiders were actually able to trust me to listen, since not being heard can be a huge trigger, just them knowing I would always make time to listen to them helped.

I made sure they understood that if I was busy or at work, I couldn't listen right thn, but as son as I had a chance I would listen, if they were willing to trust me enough to talk.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Amanda, I didn't even see your post.

Thank you for your response, it does make total sense. I was diagnosed 10 years ago, but when my t requested my medical records be sent, the psychiatrist said he only keeps his records for 7 years, I had a copy but lost them in an accident a couple years back.

The new therapist works with my pdoc and they both have together come to the conclusion that my original diagnosis was correct, although in the beginning neither doctor agreed to it and first ruled it out saying they wanted to start from scratch.

I've had numerous therapists and psychiatrists title me DID, just no one until the recent therapist really explained what that meant. And the sessions are so short I don't have time to ask all of the questions I want to know in these short sessions, in time though I will. Do you think he would have any of the information you mentioned?

yes if your treatment providers you have now also have copies of your records they could look up the report in their files and let you know. if they dont have a copy of your diagnostic report they may need you to go through testing again to find out your answers you are looking for...

please dont worry about not seeing my replies to you right away.. one of the trade offs of my choosing to stay moderated is that my posts dont always appear on the boards right away. for me the time stamps dont designate when the post appears on the boards, it designates when I wrote the post and sent it on to the moderators for their review and help.

[Silversand]

Hi. In our work with our T, maps have been done. Not by me but by others in the system. There are two who do mapping. That's how i learned who was there. In the last couple months, a new part no one knew about has come forward. T said as we embark upon the deeper work, that can happen.

There are layers in my system. I am from the front layer (the ones who do and manage life) and seem to have fairly good co consciousness with them which has developed over the past 7 yrs since bed dx'd. The other layers i don't have good communication or co consciousness with. But some in the front do.

I have come and learned to see that even those whom seem to want to cause havvoc and harm are really only doing what they learned and what their jobs are. I have seen positive changes in my Protectors and others that i never thought was possible.

We started by journaling - at first. Actually, created our own private support board which is just for us and which we use as a journal - including art, music, video - whatever. Now i can participate in inner meetings even - but that took time. I can hear some insiders very clearly and feel when they are near. Like i knew my protector was near in therapy today before he ever came out. I can feel him looming, like his shadow was hovering over me.

Don't know if any of this helps. It took others inside getting on board too - we been working on all this with the same T for more than 5 yrs. We see him twice a week.
Now i can't remember what you're original question was so forgive me if i went offline.
take care

[Silversand]

BTW, some of my parts have aged. The olderst one in the front claims he has been around longer than me. They said i was created when the body was 7. Buti feel a lot older than 7 although not the body's age. If i am connecting the dots correctly, my protector came when the body was very small. He has a specific memory. The body was a toddler. But he aged until the body was 25. That's what he says.

I think all systems are different. I heard there can be sliders: insiders who have a range of ages. I think we might have some.

I don't know who the original is or even if there ever was one. Someone says we have baby who's sleeping. Some say she is dreaming us.

[such is life...]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Thank you such, that really does help.

Any tips to helping out internal dialogue?

It seems to only happen for me when I'm falling asleep I'll catch it and they are never talking to me but are talking to eachother. So when I'm trying to sleep I will try to ask them to talk, ask questions, but honestly I'm so tired and my sleep is so off, I'm desperate to just fall asleep so deep down I hope they don't start to talk. This is probably an issue, and I don't try that hard to be honest.

But I want to start working on communication, just don't really know how. Tried the journal approach but it never seems to work either... Any thoughts?

((((Purple Flying Monkeys)))) I have thought of you all day and racking my brain trying to come up with some ideas for you to start a rapport with your inside parts...uuuggggg....all I can come up with is practice and patience.My last T helped us start "internal meetings" with grown parts when "something wasn't right" I have a very vivid imagination and so I set up a "board" room for them to gather,with coffee or tea big comfy chairs , a large table and snacks and a TV... But that's hard to do. I think listening is the best route to go... if I have a part "going off" inside I have to listen and or write it down we have even sent our T emails .So I guess that's a good place to start listen to them and acknowledge their issues,like triggers, fears,body memories then write it some where and I guess what I'm saying is you need to get to know them and they need to get to know you before a dialog can start. I will give you an example from me....us...We have a part named Rebecca and her "job" was to keep "the candle burning 24/7 365 days a year."...but it caused us and her sleeping problems because she was scared that if the flame burns out something bad will happen to us so one of my protectors told her one night that he would stay awake and hold the candle so she could sleep....ohmygosh did she sleep so now we pass the candle around so that all parts can sleep,and Rebecca is no longer in fear of the candle burning out....my parts worked together or as my T says; "play nice " Any way I hope this will help you out some.....life...

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you are for such wonderful advice, I'm in quite a bit of pain at the moment but will very soon (hopefully) be on to reply, and have read them all and will try to do some of the things mentioned above, for now I can think of nothing but how to stop the pain. Thank you again