guard up..

things(not here) making me suspcious.

I think someone is trying to get at baby(as in talk to her) out of curiosity but they are being really patronizing(i hope from lack of understanding only)
But now shes scared and crying because she doesnt understand and she thinks they are tryin to get her to come out so they can hurt her again.

Person is not T. Just a friend.

I can almost see her face all scrunched up in a frown shooting daggers at him .. if that makes sense.

She wont come out and post lately. Shes been scared and afraid people will go away from me because of what happened with cory not being able to deal with my illness and having to seperate a little. Shes only little, she doesnt understand that he had to to help himself..

And now shes scared to come out because she thinks when she comes out she gets me in trouble

And then this.

I feel bad but I dont know what to do?

Thinking about you.....safe hug{{{{{{Rainbowzz}}}}}

Thinking of you
(and I can relate ...)

(((((((((( Rainbow )))))))))))

Hi Rainbowzz and Baby

It's not fun when we are suspicious of someone. T always says to "trust your gut". The littles are there because they weren't safe in the first place. Yes, now they may be overly suspicious, but there might be some merit to it.

Maybe make a list of pro's and con's to help better sort out what is going on? Some CBT techniques such as the triple-column technique, might help make more sense of it. I find looking at it on paper, helps to sort it out and I can discount the thoughts that don't seem as realistic and further investigate the ones that are.

I hope you are both very safe and maybe this helped a little. You and Baby can PM if you want. Daisy might come out then. She's hiding too because of the bad thing that happened on Monday. Maybe Baby and Daisy can help each other.

Gentle Hugs, my friends,
Songbird and Daisy

((((lillith))))

((((Fuzzyone))))

SBND,

yeah, perhaps I will give writing it a try. I will mention that CBT module to the pdoc who i FINALLY SEE next thursday and see what they can tell me about it.

I have an online therapist but atm and between therapists. It is my understanding that the pdoc is going to refer me to one.
I will try to convey talking to daisy, though its been a while and I honestly think it may be a while yet before shes ok with coming out. Its really too bad, because I enjoyed her innocence and reading her posts was always(although sometimes hard) a learning experience.

Time i guess, is the mode de operandi here. Thanks guys

Yes, Rainbowzz, time. It bites, but time may be the answer.

Hugs,
Songbird

Hi Rainbowzz

Sorry things are unsettled for you. Glad you are finally getting to see a Pdoc. I hope you do get the referral to a therapist. I know how helpful that has been to me, although it was such a struggle to get the help.

I see my Pdoc on Tuesday. I'm a bit nervous about what he will say when he sees I'm not doing so well at the moment.

Be safe

C

RainbowzzCaroline

Thinking of both of you. Pdocs can be scary eventhough they are trying to help. Still scary. Mine is really cute hee hee so I don't mind seeing him so much *snicker* My T has saved my life - I'm not sure he knows that.

So, I'm glad Caroline found a good one and Rainbowzz is getting one.

Hugs,
Songbird

yep - and my gendoc even managed to get me to a FEMALE PDOC!!!
I was so so terrified of having to go to a man(no offence to any males here - I just have alot of nevousness around older males)

I left a message confirming my appointment yesterday. She sounded nice!

Thank you caroline. I am having trouble identifying who to trust and listen to in the best interests of us. Its hard to determine who is being real and who is just wanting to see because its a "freaky"

Well, yeah it can be freaky but its also a part of who I am.. and I dont want to be treated like a freak show. besides, whats wrong with having others? I mean sometimes i get to feeling bad about it, but then others i think, you know, I really have quite a rich experience because of it and im very unique. ITs not bad. Its just different, a different way of coping with my environment.

Some might even say we are special

Sorry, that ended up being a rant lol.

I was worried about seeing a male T, but it is working out well. But I do understand your anxiety.

I'm not sure T's see it in terms of being freaky; I think the best of them recognise it as an issue which needs certain understanding and acceptance. I don't feel my T and I have actually done much on the Dissociation, but I know he accepts it as part of me. It's just we're busy working on the things that underlie it all.

It's great that you see it as a rich experience. I cans ee how. I think the ability to connect with those other parts but still remain outside to some extent can give a very different perspective. But I feel too mixed up, confused and low to deal properly with that aspect of me right now.

C

oh me too caroline. Definetly, there are scary moments and everything you mention.

But today I feel particularily better about it, and I always try to grab those moments to feel better about me and whats going on whenever possible. It helps i find for the days that Im NOT feeling so great

Hi rainbows. Sorry you are going through this I had a neighbor so called friend that was trying to practice amature therapy on me when she found out I have DID.

The result was horrible. I was scared, uncomfortable, nervious, distrusting and so on around that neighber and when I get triggered like this I end up dissociating to the point where I would be mentally floating in my la la land and my body was left on the autopilot of rerunning memory pieces.

I regained control of the situation by basically not talking to that neighbor about DID, Dissociating and any of my memory pieces and my therapy sessions and therapist. Even if all she asked was "Did you see SKR today?" I would say "Im sorry but that is no longer up for discussion you are not a therapist so it is best that I not talk about those things with you,"

After a while she stopped coming around, and on the rare occasions that we ran into each other it was normal hi how are you chit chat.

As for how to get alters to come out - The replaying of memory pieces is trigger related.

Look at what your triggers are and match them with which memory piece replays with which trigger. Then you can use those triggers to access the memory pieces that you want to know more about.

Its best to do this with a therapist until you get to know some of the memory pieces content so you don't accidentally trigger a piece of memory content that may contain a violent situation.

For example my memory piece Margo. While in that memory piece I threw a table at my therapist at that time SKR. So she did not tell me what that trigger was other than I got mad about the caseworker and my child being gone. So I know that being angry is on of the triggers for that memory piece. So I use all kinds of relaxation techniques when I start feeling angry so that the memory pieces known as Margo do not get triggered into replaying.

As for almost seeing alters I can't see mine. I was told by professionals in the field of DID that I would have to be under guided hypnosis and be asked by a hypnotherapist the question "If that memory piece was more than a memory but a person what would that memory look like?" Then I would be able to imagine what that memory would look like and see that memory as a person. Without hypnosis and the hypnotist planting that idea memory pieces can't be seen which is why I can't see mine. So I don't even try to see them.

My therapist who is a DID, Dissociative Disorders therapist also does not work with me on trying to get me to literally see my alters. remembering what those separated and unconscious memorys are is a part of what I am working on but not on trying to "See" them as in a physical flesh and blood person.

When experiencing a memory pieces that I am co conscious with I experience the memory content but not what they looked like for example in one memory piece I feel the physical pain of getting hit. In another I draw, in another I can't catch my breath and see like a flashback a shadow moving towards me and back standing in front of me performinig #r@l s&x . I don't see the alter as a person because that memory is the memory of the experience of me having to have someone in my mouth. That piece of memory was my physical body being performed on not for example the memory of me watching a friend and their abuser so I am not going to be able to see that memory piece as a person without someone planting the suggestion under hypnosis to imagime that memory to be a real person instead of a piece of memory.

But I do understand in the emotional sense what you mean. Cause sometimes I can be experiencing a memory and I can feel my face is scrunched up or my head is titled to the side. When that happens to me I go find a mirror and standing watching in the mirror I on purpose make faces and expressions, wash my face, smell soap, lotions and so on basically reconnecting with the fact that what I was experiencing was a memory and I am safe in the here and now and can stimiulate all my senses and fully reconnect with the here and now instead of experiencing the memory.

thanks myself.

yes! You are exactly right when you say the emotional part of it. It is just like that. I dont actually "see" visually the alters, but I find quite often a vision will enter my mind or image of that alter. Though, Id never thought about that making faces in the mirror and toiletries. Because I will quite often catch myself experiencing a memory or more so a...Feeling? and catch myself with a scrunched up face or even sometimes holding my body weirdly that I just cant explain.

Thanks for the information. YOur posts are always so full of good information.

Your all right, its still all very new to me. Well new in the sense of I am dealing with it now.

Thanks. Glad you like my info and the things that I have learned and do.


SKR got me into looking in the mirror and reconnecting with myself. At first I was self conscious and afraid to do it. Not sure what I would see and I hate looking at myself in mirrors normally anyway. One day in therapy I made a sarcastic remark "yea right and the next thing you know Ill be drawing self portraits right. She laughed and said not a bad idea buy some soap crayons for outlining you in the mirror. Then we really hammed it up with ideas of how I could draw beards to go with this premenoapausal facial hair that was suddenly showing up on my face and driving me nuts trying to get rid of it. before I knew it I was doing all kinds of drawings and facial expressions and experimenting with bathroom items and the end result was great way to reconnect and stimulate all my senses.

Hang in there.

no matter how long I have been at it I still find new situations where I have no idea what is going on. Every day there is something new to challenge myself. I think new things make healing interesting. for if it was the same old thing same problem every day wheres the challege once I find the key to fixing that problem? I like new and I like to experiment to find new challenges that will push me to continue moving forwards.

I think my T is wonderful. He's a boy. A Tall boy. It took a long time to trust him but I do and I know tht when I'm doe i'm be good cisiel njide
dlijodkkl

((((((((( Rainbowzz and Baby ))))))))

I am so sorry this is happening. I hope Baby feels better soon and that your friend is well meaning.

Hugs,

Jan

Sorry Rainbowzz,

My post didn't make sense toward the end - dissociated, I think.

So, I can't remember what I was going to say

Have a safe, peaceful, gentle day.

Hugs,
Songbird