Everyones system is different

There is no writen rule of how a persons DID system should be. Everyone is different and everyone has been through different trauma that's created each system. My peices and I call them pieces because they are pieces of my broken glass I was. ( Is how I see them)
But my peices are who they are. They don't go by a text book or by any concept my T wants them to be. They are who they are.

I made it a rule long ago that any peice is welcomed out for any reason they see fit. Sometimes they are triggered and come out, other times they are out because they want to be. This works for me and my system. It helps me heal in a way that works for me. My peices know that they are safe and welcomed no matter who they are. This has also helped in my therapy. They know that the therapist office is a safe place to be. A place to play in the doll house there or sit in the flower garden and talk with the T.

I guess I'm just wanting to say is that everyone is different and it's OK. You don't have to do things in a certain order in T, you can sit in a dark closet and have a little one color to their hearts content. You have a system that works for you and only you. Be proud of your system. They saved you when you needed them. They are a part of you and only you. Be kind to yourselves.

Lisa

(((Lisa))))
I am so happy you posted that. I agree with you 100%. My system is my system and while there are similarities no two systems are alike. Insiders come out when they need to or are triggered out. I try to maintain a safe place for them. Respect them and listen to them.
I'm not always very good at it I'm afraid.

I'm still trying to figure things out. A year later, and I'm still not very good at this.
My T says there is no fixed rule about DID or anything else for that matter. Too many factors fall into it.

Again glad you said what you did
w_i

Thank you so much for posting that. It's exactly what I needed to read. I feel much better now. I sometimes wonder if I am just making this all up because it's not like their system. But my system is unique to me, it fits me, it was there when I needed it, like you said. So I know that I am not just making this up, why would I do that? It makes no sense.
Thanks again.

EXCELLENT POST!!

EVERYONE NEEDED TO HEAR THAT!!

WE ARE WHAT WE ARE AND I OFTEN COLOR IN THE CLOSET!!

Anne

Well, no two persons are the same, so why should two systems be the same? I think all of you are wonderful just as you are!

Hugs,

Jan

anne
we color in the closet too!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((lisa)))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you for being you.

((((((((((((((((((((((( w_i ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It's Ok that you don't have things all figured out yet. I tried to do that for a long time, Thought hey I got this thing figured all out. And then something would happen and I had nothing figured out. Sometimes the little things you learn about your system are the most important things. Don't be afraid, you do what you can. That's all that we can do.

I'm very surprised by everyones response to my thread. I'm happy that you got something from it. I was just feeling like an odd ball. An odd ball is a good thing.

Lisa

Your more then welcome Jennifer. I get that way sometimes as well. "Am I making this up?? " But you are right, why would anyone choose to be like this?? When I was first dx'ed there was another T in the office that had told my T he thought I was just attention seeking. I could think of funner ways to get attention.

Sometimes it's hard to believe and I know for myself I don't want to believe it at times. But we are who we are. We have done nothing wrong and we do the best we can.

Lisa

Thank You Anne

For everyone who colors in the closet
Meet you with my crayons, coloring book and paper.

Lisa

Hi..there is a part of us who is male too..he is a teenager and very abusive, and uses a knife to stab at things, under hypnosis I was brought out suddenly with the Therapist holding my arm down to the chair, he was very un-nerved, and that is when I was told I had an alter that was trying to kill some other part of self…this was after several severe attempts at killing myself at Churches, but what I have learned is that he is reliving a traumatic cycle, in order to survive the torturous existence he had to align himself with the abuser, and his behavior is stuck in this storm of existence, and is revisited due to triggers in the external enviroment, and my own internal stressors…he is a reflection of where he and the trauma is at..stuck in the nether region of dissociative time where he is living what he knows..I think the hardest thing for me to get thru is communicating with my system, and that, what is then is then and what is now is now…and who you are..at least that is what it has been for me, because I have had a dickens of a time convincing these broken egos that they are a part of me and not me apart of them..just kinda blows your rational self away, it still is a very hard disorder to except and understand, until the splitting occurs, until the voices and hallucinations..I am sorry cant go there..but

I totally agree, everyone’s survival mechanism is different, and unique to their circumstances as they endured the abuse and torture, because although our human schematics may be essentially the same..what makes us different and makes us survivors, is that our minds have adjusted the blue prints so we could be survivors…

Thanx for this thread Lisa…I am sorry you are enduring this torment..know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers..and again this is just my perception and experiences, and by sharing them it was only meant to offer empathy and support..no one should have to live this kind of existence and not be heard, validated, and supported…your voice is so important..keep posting..

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Jan )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank You

Lisa

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Big KD hugs my dear

Love Ya's,
Lisa

ONe of my insiders,Naomi, asked T if this was just a big joke or what. Was she real or just looking for attention.
T answered "who do you want attention from?"
Naomi kinda laughed and said "you...'
T said, "That's pretty expensive attention..."

Thank You Evangelista for your post. I'm sorry that you have this other who is suicidal. I think it's a big step to know this other is there and how they feel and think. It's not easy and they are here for a very unhappy reason.

Want you to know that your not alone. I have a piece that is very suicidal and has hurt us really bad at times. ( Lucky to be sitting here ) But knowing that they are there gives hope that maybe we can help them in some way.

For mine I think she's so suicidal because she hurts so much. That's the only way she understands to make the hurt stop. T is really been working with her, so maybe one day things will be better.

So much lucky and hope to you,

Lisa

Understand the suicidal part. There are a couple that are or have been. One is a little--she's 7.

Yup. Everyones internal system is different because no two people go through the exact same abuse so their unconscious stored memories and triggers for acting out those memories are different for example I trigger with snakes and can eat pizza to no end but a friend of mine that is DID too can tottally enjoy snakes but triggers into dissociating when it comes to eating pizza. And no two people have the same people, animals and objects in their lives so when the abuse is happening no two persons can imagine the abuse happening to the same friend or animal and so on in their lives. so I have my memories stored as those things that were in my life at the time and my friend has hers stored as people and things in her life for example one of my memory pieces draws and is female, where as my friend who has a memory piece that draws and hers is stored as male she was able to trace back to her the memory of her babysitter, another friend has a dog memory piece that draws - she traced that back to when that abuse situation was happening she was looking at her family dog and imagining drawing pictures while she was abused.

But even though our memories are different and what we imagined to mentally excape the situations we have both tested and diagnosed as DID because we experinece the same diagnostic criteria, symptoms and behaviours of how we dissociate and we act out our pieces of unconsciously stored memories.

I see your system being very different from my own. My pieces mainly hold emotions. Not many have the memory of an event actually happening. But hold the emotion of them. The ones that have memories of events hold no emotions for the event they remember. Like when the trauma happened 2 pieces came forward. One that knows what happened and the other to hold the emotion of it.

One of mine who's 16 is a regular outee. She knows what year it is and even goes to work for us. But if you ask her how old she is she'll tell you 16 and ask her what year it is she'll get it right. For me it's like the body stopped developing for some pieces. They came about at that age and stayed there. Even though they know time has gone by. Only problem I have with her is she thinks she's still in that 16 year old body that's a size zero. So she wants to buy 16 year old girl clothes. Hmmm, doesn't work for this size 12 body.

Lisa

I have memory pieces that are emotions. for instance Margo is the emotion of anger. Every situation during which I dissociated because the situation made me feel angry and abused is within that memory piece.

I have clothes that are many sizes too small, found things around the house that I don't remember buying, I once found out I had three different bank accounts, Too bad two of them were overdawn, I have become aware only to find out that I was living in a new state and town, or back in a state and town that I had left behind years ago.

I have never logged a date contained in a memory piece so I don't know about if my memory pieces contain dates.

probably not because names dates and places have always confused me. I could say it was monday and be told by someone - parents siblings friends "no its saturday", I can say we went to the store yesterday and Im told by a friend "no we went there three days ago".

For me there is no sense of time. The only way I know what day and time it is, is if I wear a watch that has the time and date on it, I have a callendar and clock in every room of my house including the bathroom. I turn on the tv to the weather channel to find out what the time and day is then go around and X the callendars and check the clocks. Heck I almost didnt graduate high school because I kept failing history classes because I could not remember names dates and places, I ended up doing a remedial type workbook and adjusted testing sheets that did not require me to know a mess of dates, names and places. in school lots of times I would go to my locker and get out stuff for a class only to enter the class and find out I was in the wrong class for that day and time period. It got to the point where a friend would meet me at my locker and we would walk to classes together so I knew what class I was going to for that day and time.

Im told by professionals that what I go through is typicaland is one of the diagnostic symptoms that qualified me as being DID because memories are timeless. In the moment that memories are stored it is during the actual situation. something cant happen yesterday and be stored in the memory today and something happening today cant be stored in the brain yesterday.

So when I dissociate what I am acting out is what is contained in that memory just as if that memory was happening for the first time and when I come back its like I just left and no time has past.

Oh geez I love this site. When I try to explain my pieces break dowon emotioanlly, it's the emotional content, I respond from these different emotional places, whoooooeeeee do I get looks. But, nope, not here, here other folks take the words out of my mouth and and and , well, I am so f'n relieved.......

so nice not to be alone

It's the emotional and the emotional content that hurts the most. Now what to do with the emotions?? Is not as easy as ppl think. Feel like I'm learning to walk again.

Take bunny hops .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

The doctor explained it. He showed me what the year is. How old the body is. How old the brother is. So what now. I'm mad. Don't tell me how everything is so wonderful cause it's not. I dont want your hugs. I dont want your sorries. I dont want you to tell me to talk to the doctor. I dont want you to tell me how this is normal and so great. I want what was stolen from me. And I want it now!!!!!!!!!

Emily

Emily...Broken promises..Broken Dreams..Broken Lives...I can not offer you something you are not ready to receive at this very moment, but I can stand beside you, and scream, and cry, and shout, its not right, its not fair, its torture..and there is no easy way to get thru it..Part of the Crede of being a Survivor Emily..even when we dont want to be.....