[idontknow247]

Hi,

I had a baby 5 months ago. We were very very bonded from the start. I was extremely anxious though, and so was he. One day after very stressful circumstances (a move, no sleep, paranoia) I woke up regressed and had no connection with the baby, in fact he looked like someone else's baby. I felt like a kid taking care of a kid. I tried to reconnect but realized I was of a different mindset and tried to switch back, to no avail. My husband and other child only know one side of me (the side I regressed or switched to, never bonded with first child). Now I feel the same about all of them, very detached and ambivalent.

I've seen a few therapists but they haven't heard of this happening. I don't know what to do. Now I just sit in a room by myself.

I forced my husband to quit his job, took my other son out of school, and we moved half way across the world to be near family. I thought this would help, but it hasn't.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by idontknow247

Hi,

I had a baby 5 months ago. We were very very bonded from the start. I was extremely anxious though, and so was he. One day after very stressful circumstances (a move, no sleep, paranoia) I woke up regressed and had no connection with the baby, in fact he looked like someone else's baby. I felt like a kid taking care of a kid. I tried to reconnect but realized I was of a different mindset and tried to switch back, to no avail. My husband and other child only know one side of me (the side I regressed or switched to, never bonded with first child). Now I feel the same about all of them, very detached and ambivalent.

I've seen a few therapists but they haven't heard of this happening. I don't know what to do. Now I just sit in a room by myself.

I forced my husband to quit his job, took my other son out of school, and we moved half way across the world to be near family. I thought this would help, but it hasn't.

of course human babies can bond with their mother who happens to be an alter.. who else is going to feed the baby, diaper the baby, cuddle, rock, sooth the baby when the mother is spaced off, dissociated... I know many people with DID who have children and some of their alters jobs/purposes/reasons for being is to take care of the children.

example when I would be triggered by something when at family parties, reunions many relied on me to care for all the babies/children that came while their parents were off drinking/partying. they didnt know I had DID and was at that moment an alter they just knew I could be depended on to take care of their children and their children loved me, it doesnt matter that it wasnt me the aware self that was feeding/diapering, loving, rocking, soothing them. when I go back "home" many of those children come running to me to give me hugs and tell me things they remember about me taking care of them. they dont know the one that took care of them was an alter, they just know they love me and loved/love to be near me and doing things with me. it is the bond these babies and children and I have that has told me I can be a great mom and can bond completely with children.

if you read around this board with the past posts you will find many people with DID who have children and the children have bonded with both the alters and the hosts.

This same thing has happened with me too.

[Meisjes]

I've struggled with feeling detached from my children from time to time, not recognizing them or not recognizing myself as their mother. They are grown now and left home but I still struggle with this. some times for shorter periods than others. Once I learned about my DID, we made an agreement with the T that some jobs are for the host and some are for insiders. If we'd known about this when my children were small we probably would have said it was the hosts job to feed and bathe them, get them to bed. But for playing it would have been our younger insiders or when teens, would have had our teens spend some time with them. Its all about learning to work together.

Another thing my T brought to my attention was that some insiders hadn't met everyone that the host knew. That means the one who sees the new outside person is going to feel confused and feeling like they're missing some information. It can be very frustrating for them. so now if it becomes an issue, i'll tell the insider/s who so and so is and how they're connected to me. this helps them to relax and feel more comfortable around the new people. I don't tell the outside people, just the insiders quietly in my mind unless we're talking when we're alone.

[idontknow247]

Hi,

Thanks for your replies. I've been really worried and stuck. I didn't know I might have DID until this happened. I looked at my first son (I guess as the mother alter?) and suddenly felt older - he even stated I seemed older and it hit me that my 'kid self' has been parenting him and how wrong the approach was. It really scared me and I tried to bond with him as the 'mother' older me. It was a great sense of being, but brief. I became overwhelmed with guilt and stress and wanted to know my husband as my older self as well. I guess I became ultra aware of the differences between being present with the baby and dissociated from my husband and son and tried to integrate in a weekend. My kid self woke up and called my dad one night and the next day I was regressed to this kid state. I have no interest in the baby and I'm very depressed from realizing I've been a bad parent to my son and wife. Maybe this isn't DID? It's all so overwhelming. I just want to be a mom. Looking at my baby scream and cry looking all around for me while I held him was excruciating. Being there but not there....

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by idontknow247

Hi,

Thanks for your replies. I've been really worried and stuck. I didn't know I might have DID until this happened. I looked at my first son (I guess as the mother alter?) and suddenly felt older - he even stated I seemed older and it hit me that my 'kid self' has been parenting him and how wrong the approach was. It really scared me and I tried to bond with him as the 'mother' older me. It was a great sense of being, but brief. I became overwhelmed with guilt and stress and wanted to know my husband as my older self as well. I guess I became ultra aware of the differences between being present with the baby and dissociated from my husband and son and tried to integrate in a weekend. My kid self woke up and called my dad one night and the next day I was regressed to this kid state. I have no interest in the baby and I'm very depressed from realizing I've been a bad parent to my son and wife. Maybe this isn't DID? It's all so overwhelming. I just want to be a mom. Looking at my baby scream and cry looking all around for me while I held him was excruciating. Being there but not there....

Originally Posted by idontknow247

tried to integrate in a weekend.

sorry but integration of DID type alters doesnt work like that...integration in reference to DID is the process of working on your problems/trauma/ learning grounding, and facing your problems without dissociating. when you are able to take care of yourself and there is no need for alters to do the things you can not do for yourself then the alters and you become one whole person again.

example using your own posts...there is an alter that takes care of your child.. when you are able to parent your child without getting triggered and dissociating then that alters job, purpose, reason for being may be done so they merge together with you,

suggestion...maybe you can find a parenting class in your off computer location. that way you will learn how to parent your child without stress, guilt, anxiety and other feelings that are causing you to dissociate into an alter with your son.

Another example using your post...you want to know your husband without being an alter...in order for that alter to come out to be with your husband you are dissociating. work with your treatment provider, discover why you keep dissociating when you are with your husband, work on those issues. when you have taken care of those triggers (reasons why you dissociate around your husband) then that alter will no longer need to come out and do the things that you are afraid (triggered) into dissociating. once that alter is no longer needed to do their job,purpose, reason for being they will merge with you to where you and this alter are one whole person instead of two separate beings.

Originally Posted by idontknow247

Maybe this isn't DID?

only your treatment provider can tell you whether this is DID or not. if they diagnosed you with it go according to what they said, if you were not diagnosed yet my suggestion is contact your treatment providers they can administer the tests for dissociative disorders, your medical doctor can get you referred for any medical tests that need to be done to rule in or out those medical problems that share these same symptoms.

[krazy_phoenix]

i have three small children, two were born to one alter, the last to me. I look after all the three children regardless of me being their 'mother' or not. I love them and care for them. Another alter is their 'aunty', and spoils them. Another is the task master and has them clean up after themselves etc. No, its not a perfect world for my kids, for my family, but it is far from the damaging childhood I had. My kids are surviving, finding their way with me as I am with them.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Being a mum is hard for parents not struggling with mental or physical challenges. Just because you have challenges, doesn't mean you are not a good parent or wife. In my experience, its ppl who recognise that they have challenges that do the most to be their best. Go with AmandaLouise's suggestion and find some off line parenting classes in your area. I've done heaps of them, and still are going. The way I figure it, no matter 'who' turns up to the classes, at least we're getting some information to help our young family stay together.
Best wishes to you,
kp