[Claritytoo]

I have occasions when it feels like I am physically struggling with someone. The other day I went to bed. I started to make noise than started to move my arms and legs like I was struggling. I made vocal sounds and said no but no other words. I had my eyes closed but I wasn't asleep. This went on for a good period of time. Part of me didn't want to stop. It was upsetting but it also felt necessary to do. I know what it implies. I just want to know if anyone else has had such an experience. It wasn't in my head, It was like my body had it's own mind. Also I had no insight as to why I was physically behaving this way. I can guess but I have no clear knowledge.

[montanan4ever]

Might it have been a body memory?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I have occasions when it feels like I am physically struggling with someone. The other day I went to bed. I started to make noise than started to move my arms and legs like I was struggling. I made vocal sounds and said no but no other words. I had my eyes closed but I wasn't asleep. This went on for a good period of time. Part of me didn't want to stop. It was upsetting but it also felt necessary to do. I know what it implies. I just want to know if anyone else has had such an experience. It wasn't in my head, It was like my body had it's own mind. Also I had no insight as to why I was physically behaving this way. I can guess but I have no clear knowledge.

when this happened to me my treatment providers called it a psychotic delusional episode due to medication problem. they adjusted my medications and it stopped happening.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers they can tell you what this is in you and how to best fix it so that it wont happen again.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by montanan4ever

Might it have been a body memory?

I have had body memories before When I have body memories they usually are physical feelings of pain in certain parts of my body. This was an action that my body was doing.

[yellowted]

yes i can definitely relate Claritytoo, i did not know they are body memories, they just felt weird, like i am not incontrol, but could control it if i tried, was not remembering anything visually but was totally concious of what i was diong yet did not want to stop it as it felt so right. I have had loads of these episodes. i usually feel exhausted , numb but very calm afterwards

my body definitely has it's own mind, along with legs that will not move unless my hands move them , no control over any bodily functions down below and my inability to sit up unsupported, my arms and back spasm every morning for over an hour on waking up and everytime i get tired or wake up in the night. all i can do is try not to fall off the bed and wait till it passes

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by yellowted

yes i can definitely relate Claritytoo, i did not know they are body memories, they just felt weird, like i am not incontrol, but could control it if i tried, was not remembering anything visually but was totally concious of what i was diong yet did not want to stop it as it felt so right. I have had loads of these episodes. i usually feel exhausted , numb but very calm afterwards

my body definitely has it's own mind, along with legs that will not move unless my hands move them , no control over any bodily functions down below and my inability to sit up unsupported, my arms and back spasm every morning for over an hour on waking up and everytime i get tired or wake up in the night. all i can do is try not to fall off the bed and wait till it passes

The part you said about being exhausted after is also what I feel. Has your t given these episodes a name or is it understood to be a body memory. It almost felt like my body was trying to tell me something only there were no thoughts to go with the body memory. Thank you for sharing with me.

[yellowted]

Hi Claritytoo, unfortunately because my DX is dissociative motor disorder i do not have a T as this can only be treated with extensive daily therapy from a multidisiplinary team in hospital and my borough do not fund this. so much for free health care in the UK! i only got the body memory thing from other posters on here. i have not discussed these episodes with anyone as i just put them down to my body trying to deal with the things i supposedly have not dealt with properly or to my spasms eventhough they are a completely different feeling.
I have no thoughts to match these episodes either, the only thing i know about them is they are kind of controlable to a degree in that with a great deal of effort i can hold them off long enough to get somewhere safe and alone. I can tell when they are starting and if i need to hold off it feels a bit like a turrettes tick which you can feel building until you can't stop it

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by yellowted

Hi Claritytoo, unfortunately because my DX is dissociative motor disorder i do not have a T as this can only be treated with extensive daily therapy from a multidisiplinary team in hospital and my borough do not fund this. so much for free health care in the UK! i only got the body memory thing from other posters on here. i have not discussed these episodes with anyone as i just put them down to my body trying to deal with the things i supposedly have not dealt with properly or to my spasms eventhough they are a completely different feeling.
I have no thoughts to match these episodes either, the only thing i know about them is they are kind of controlable to a degree in that with a great deal of effort i can hold them off long enough to get somewhere safe and alone. I can tell when they are starting and if i need to hold off it feels a bit like a turrettes tick which you can feel building until you can't stop it

I emailed my t today an explained what I had experienced. I don't always know who will be at session so I don't know if I would have told her during session. So I sometimes email her so she can bring it up in case I don't. Anyway, when I was writing to her I realized the body movement is my body talking to me. Like my thoughts would. Instead it was my body. That is what I think it is. Which would make sense if what I experienced are body memories. When I get the painful memories I don't get a thought with them. Just the pain. The same thing happened with this experience. I just want to thank you again for sharing your experience. It helps me to know that I am not the only one that is having an experience like this.

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I emailed my t today an explained what I had experienced. I don't always know who will be at session so I don't know if I would have told her during session. So I sometimes email her so she can bring it up in case I don't. Anyway, when I was writing to her I realized the body movement is my body talking to me. Like my thoughts would. Instead it was my body. That is what I think it is. Which would make sense if what I experienced are body memories. When I get the painful memories I don't get a thought with them. Just the pain. The same thing happened with this experience. I just want to thank you again for sharing your experience. It helps me to know that I am not the only one that is having an experience like this.

glad to be of help x i get a lot of pain both with these episodes and my spasms.

[likewater]

I had a similar episode when I re-lived a trauma. It was really horrible. I'm sorry you experienced that.

[montanan4ever]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Anyway, when I was writing to her I realized the body movement is my body talking to me. Like my thoughts would. Instead it was my body. That is what I think it is. Which would make sense if what I experienced are body memories. .

That makes a lot of sense to me! I've used that very line, "My body is talking to me," for many years now. It's one of my really important self-awareness or self-management tools. What I do is: I realize some physical experience falls into this category. So I take some time and ask my body what it's trying to tell me. Many times I then get "words" to go along with whatever my body is doing.
It helps me make connections between seemingly unrelated things.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by montanan4ever

That makes a lot of sense to me! I've used that very line, "My body is talking to me," for many years now. It's one of my really important self-awareness or self-management tools. What I do is: I realize some physical experience falls into this category. So I take some time and ask my body what it's trying to tell me. Many times I then get "words" to go along with whatever my body is doing.
It helps me make connections between seemingly unrelated things.

I hadn't thought to ask my body. I will do that when that happens again. I think this will be very helpful. Thank you