Can you lose co-consciousness

I am no longer in therapy and was wondering if you can lose your co-consciousness with your alters?

Sure you can.

definitely

Why would that happen?

great question

After reading this post yesterday I checked this out with mental health treatment providers here in NY which is in the USA. the unanimous answer is no. once co consciousness is established it can not be reversed/go away/lose it...

that said a person with dissociative issues or not has the ability to ...ignore/not pay attention to/convince their self its not there just like if someone (a friend, co worker, therapist, family...) tells a person something they dont want to hear they can ....choose not to hear it (its called selective hearing when this happens) Just like normal people can be very selective on what they hear/accept and want in their lives a DID person can also be ....selective....on what they want to hear and accept from their alters.

my therapist used the example of a time when I heard an alter say they had to do something I the host understood to be wrong..I heard it but for me it was like the phrase in one ear and out the other ...it came in to my head and my logical mind disregarded it and pushed it back out just as fast. At a later time I took the offensive...you didnt tell me about that attitude because to me I didnt hear it, but a bit later I realized crap they did tell me that..

another therapist in the area used the example of a parent telling a child to go do their homework and then the child can watch some tv. the child focuses on the words ....can watch tv instead of what they dont want to do...their homework. the child goes to watch tv and gets in trouble because their homework isnt done and the child says....you didnt tell me to do my homework first....A DID person has the same ability to focus on only what they want to hear like the child who wants to watch tv and not do their homework.

a person being selective in what they will hear /accept from their alters is different then having co consciousness.

co consciousness is things like...

hearing voices
knowing your alters exist
knowing what those alters do
knowing for example Red likes black clothes and Sunny likes bright vibrant clothes
knowing some of the alters memories
some people can feel what their alters are feeling
finding an alter has bought something you dont remember buying
finding art work done by the alters (if the alters didnt want to share this with a person they would hide it).......

theres all different dimensions to being co consciousness.

theres no way to go back to not knowing after an alter has shared their feelings/memories/artwork/ that they exist, but you can be willfully selective like the child who wants to watch tv not do their homework.

selective engagement goes the other way too... alters can be very selective on what they will selectively hear/see/ understand from the host and can at times even though the host and alter is co conscious be selective on what they will share when.

Thanks for your response. I was concerned when I read the question. I have never thought that I could lose co conciousness with my alters until I read the question. I feel better knowing that that won't happen. Thanks

There have been may times when some of us are more/less aware of what others are doing or saying or whatever. Its usually due to stress. Or some might choose to not let others inside know whats going on, just to be difficult.

if you acknowledge an alter of a young age, and give plenty of reassurance to it then regularly plan things into your weekly routine to keep it happy, it can sit back and relax, by this i mean it can stop bothering you and stay quiet in the depths of your mind. i am not saying it goes away, just relaxes enough that you 'forget' about it for a while. obviously when you do the planned things it will surface but will be a happy alter rather than anxious/sad/angry etc

I have some who like doing things like hiking, kayaking and being at the beach. I haven't always been able to do these things when they wanted but I would reassure them that we would go to the beach or kayak on a particular day. They would wait patiently and then we would go. I explained to them that we also have to work, food shop and do other things in order to live. They appreciated the explanation, although they were not always pleased that they had to wait, but they did. It has worked this way for a very long time. And I am grateful to them for understanding.

question: but is that "forget" about it ....really forgetting or losing co consciousness....

my guess is no because if you really have forgotten about it then you wouldnt be doing things for it to keep it happy and relaxed like giving it reassurance, planning things the alter likes, ...

the original poster wants to know whether its possible to lose the ability to be co conscious with an alter now that they are no longer in therapy.

doing things to please and keep alters happy is different then being co conscious /losing co consciousness....

example I know one of my alters would be unhappy if I didnt plan into the menu peanutbutter and jelly sandwhiches. I wasnt co conscious with this alter to the point of knowing her/feeling her but I was co conscious (sharing information) through finding drawings. the drawings would depict a stick figure with an ugly face expression with other foods on a plate and happy face when the drawing depicted a peanut butter and jelly sand which. keeping this alter "happy" had nothing to do with our co consciousness abilities coming and leaving. in fact whether she was happy or sad and shared or not her pictures the amount of co consciousness never changed.

another example I was co conscious with another alter. I knew when she was happy sad what ever by what she said to me inside. again whether I kept her happy or sad our amount of co consciousness never changed.

my therapist has a word for times when I was trying to be a people pleaser/trying to keep my alters as happy as possible instead of letting them be who they are, instead of letting them do their job, purpose, reason for being.... she called it brown nosing/a kiss up.

and to some extent I was trying to kiss up and brown nose with my alters trying to make them be the way I wanted them to be but in the end it didnt work they still did their job purpose and reason why they were there. and whether I was brown nosing or trying to kiss up to the alters to keep them happy/relaxed it still did nothing to the amount of coconsciousness/lack of co consciousness that I had.

Well, wouldn't ya know it, it seems it can happen in some parts of the world, but not others.
If you live in NY USA you might be safe, Just2 b. Unfortunately I do not live in NY USA, and it CAN happen where I am! Drat.

Case in point - after several years of therapy and working on developing coconsciousness I returned to my family of origin, and lost all contact with my insiders for several years. Internally it was silent to me, and I believed they were not there at all.
It was only several years later when I moved away from my abusers again that my insiders and I reestablished contact again. I found out they had been quite active during those years, but I was completely amnesiac about it.

So yes - I am absolutely sure that you can lose coconsciousness with alters after coconsciousness has been established. At least in some parts of the world ... what happens in NY, USA is out of my jurisdiction.

maybe I can explain a bit more clearer for you luce so you can understand my post a bit better...

here where I live and work alters being silent and co consciousness is two different things...

here co consciousness is not about making a choice to share or not, be silent or not. here co consciousness is a dissociative wall or barrier between the host and alters, between each of the alters....that happens automatically ....

Ill use a general situation so as to limit the triggering...

lets say a child named Princess is abused (left out in the sunshine too long) for this situation and child this is extreme abuse. they dissociate. the action of dissociating under this extreme abuse causes the child's mind to split into two alters....the child is now Hugger, and Leave me alone and Princess. between Hugger, Leave Me Alone and Princess is a cement wall. Each one now has their own internal place behind the cement wall. Nothing gets through that cement wall to each other. Princess enters therapy. during therapy Princess slowly hacks away at those cement walls. As Princess deals with each of the problems (being hot, scared sunburned) that make up the cement walls, the wall gets holes, cracks in them. The problems that made those cement walls are gone now so those holes, and cracks in the cement walls are permanent. thats how treatment providers here view co consciousness..

once the problems that created that wall gets taken care of the ....Ability ....for sharing/knowing is there..thats not saying it .....will ....happen just that the ......ability..... is there now ...sort of like an abandoned house in a town or city people take the boards off the windows and doors, entrance is now possible but people dont always choose to enter that house..

for me with many of my alters the ...co consciousness ability....was not there because we were not able to hack away at those cement walls between the alters and I. if we tried those alters became very violent, suicidal and physically harmed me because that was what their job, purpose, reason for being was.

with a few of my alters the ...co consciousness ability...was there because we were able to figure out what my triggers were for dissociating which led to taking care of those problems that made up the cement walls and create cracks and holes in those walls.

the actual hearing them/sharing with them and they me/knowing then and they me was a conscious choice the alters and I had to make. I had to choose to be open minded and hear what the alters chose to share with me and the alters had to consciously choose to share what they were and what they knew with me.

our choosing not to (being silent) had nothing to do with co consciousness. the co consciousness was there because the problems that made filled those holes and cracks were gone.

one treatment provider explained co consciousness like a telephone.. two cups and a cord spanning the space between two people.....its there for anytime each person chooses to pick up their end to use it.

co consciousness (cracks and holes in the wall) is there and will always be there whether the alters and host choose to use it or not.

my alters many times went silent but it wasnt because the co consciousnes was lost. it was because either I closed my mind from them or they chose to be silent.

I know some locations teach co consciousness is the ....action.... of an alter and a host sharing. instead of having the ....ability......which are two different things then yea your way is going to be different then my way...

but hey thats what makes Psych central interesting isnt it... no one has to do things the same way and since we have many different members with m any different treatment providers explaining psychological/medical terms differently so of course we will be posting different answers..

some will say yes and some will say no it doesnt happen based on the posters own treatment providers and how things work in their own location and their own internal system of alters.....

which is why I almost always include in my posts to contact your own treatment providers they will be able to explain things based on your own internal system of alters and what problems you and your own internal system encounters, and what is believed in your own locations.

There are times where if you dont keep the communication gates open between the alters you can talk with, then after time, and with enough stress, they can close back up and you have to work to talk to them again. So in short, Yes.

I'm sorry if youre struggling

AmandaLouise, I think you may have misread or misinterpreted what I wrote, so I'll explain it a little more for you. I wrote: "I found out they had been quite active during those years, but I was completely amnesiac about it". That means that the dissociative walls were back up - the alters that had previously been fully coconscious with each other and the host lost all coconsciousness and returned to fully amnesiac and independent 'lives'. Why that happened is something I will not go into here.
I can assure you, however, that 'cracks and holes' in cement walls are far from permanent, and can easily be reconstructed by the very same ones who built them in the first place.

It sounds like you went back into survival mode. So that would make sense that your alters behaved as they did in the past. I think what amandalouise is saying is you are aware your alters exist now and if at some point in the future you wanted to reestablish co consciousnesses with one or all you would already have the path to do so. That you wouldn't have to spend the same amount of time breaking through the wall. There would already be openings. And you would have the knowledge that you can have co consciousness with your alters. At least I think that is what she meant.

yes thats exactly what I was trying to get at, thanks.

Thanks for the replies, I personally am not sure where I am at. But will continue to listen and see where it takes me.

Am new here and have DID. Is there any way I can get my alters to come out I. Therapy without co-consciousness? I am so confused. Due to trauma, I am not allowed to let alters out in therapy. I have tried writing notes and art to show our therapist. I am not allowed to tell. The session is only an hour and it would be so much easier if I could write specific pieces of info down on paper. I have tried to explain in words, but someone inside will not allow me to say what needs to be said.
Please help, anyone. This is urgent bc I am so lost. My alters are terrified of questions and I am terrified to let alters out bc I have no idea of there reactions.
Btw, conference sessions with the alters don't work.
Thanks so much

My experience was similar to what you are going now through. I did not know my alters as I do now. I was concerned with how some of the angry and rage-full ones would behave. I expressed this to my therapist. She was very understanding and willing to work at what ever pace was good for us. My therapist gave me her email address so we were all able to email her when we needed or wanted. We actually think that was the key to being able to trust her enough to start coming out in therapy. We don't email as much anymore because we get to talk in therapy. My t also suggested we draw pictures or write things on our mind and bring it to therapy. It didn't need to be about the abuse. We have actually never written about the abuse. We would write about how our day was going or if something good or bad happened during the week. This opened the window to communication with my t. We would discuss what I wrote in therapy. All of that is important. That will allow your others to trust your therapist. I didn't push my alters to talk in therapy. I just kept communicating with my therapist with what ever my alters have on their minds through email and writings. The trust followed and now many of us talk during therapy. Just start off by establishing trust and a safe place in therapy. Start off by talking about your day and over time your alters will feel safe enough to talk about what ever is on their minds. Remember everything they have to say is important no matter how simple it is. I hope this helped. Take care.

I'm happy you all got that figured out Good Luck and have a nice day

my first reaction to your post is that this jumps out at me...

how do you do this, how do you control when and where your alters are allowed to come out. if you can control not letting them come out during therapy then do the opposite of not letting them out during therapy..

why arent you allowed to let them out during therapy...is it a therapy rule that you must use more appropriate tools then dissociating during therapy?

I know some people who are on treatment plans that involve the person not dissociating, using grounding and talking about their problems rather than dissociating and the alter come out to deal with the problems..

if this is the treatment plans you are on my suggestion is continue with what ever your treatment provider is telling you to do.

that said...

here in New York treatment providers work under the premise of do no harm. how that applies to therapy with a dissociative is that a treatment provider can not purposely trigger a client into switching into and out of their alters.

with DID switching into alters (dissociation) is where a person gets so uncomfortable, triggered, scared, cant handle whats going on, that their mind causing them to dissociate into an alter who can take care of what ever the person they are living in can not handle...

since your alters dont seem to come out during therapy then my guess is that the type of therapy you are doing isnt something you cant handle doing, so your alters dont come out to take care of anything during therapy. in other words you dont need their help during therapy. you are doing fine on your own. you're lucky. when I wasnt integrated many times my therapist and I talked about all kinds of triggering/traumatic things that i was not able to handle. the result was i would dissociate and an alter would take over to talk about and work on that triggering problem with my therapist.

thinking about this my next question is why would someone want to cause their self so much emotional or physical pain that they cant handle so that they dissociate on purpose in therapy..most people I know who are DID including me would rather not dissociate because of the problems that come from dissociating....foggy headed, not knowing what is happening when an alter is out, losing time, and other things that a person is left trying to "clean" up after an alter has been out.

another thing to think about ....I had an alter or more who's job it was to prevent others from knowing what was happening.. when I did dissociate those alters continued to do their jobs. when aware they prevented me from telling and when I was dissociate they prevented the other alters from telling. thats what their job, purpose reason for being was.

what my therapist and I did was found other ways around this issue.. I remained grounded and aware. if we came up to something that I was not supposed to talk about she and I used other non threatening words. instead of saying this person did this to me..we had a different word for what ever "this" was....my cousin laughed at my lips. instead of my cousin ....at my lips.

theres no need to trigger your self into dissociating just to get therapy work done.

"how do you do this, how do you control when and where your alters are allowed to come out. if you can control not letting them come out during therapy then do the opposite of not letting them out during therapy.."

For me when I started therapy I didn't know what an alter was. I didn't know how we worked just that there were parts of me that could physically hurt someone or ourselves. I used to refer to them as moods. So I would stop myself from being in an angry mood. My ability to do that was rooted in terror. Terror that my mood would get the upper hand where I would injure someone or myself. Terror that if people new that I had these moods I would be put in a mental hospital. Terror of being found out. A feeling of absolute terror. At the time that was what enabled me to stop someone from coming out. That only worked however on the ones that I knew about. Some of the others who do not create a huge difference in my presentation, came and went as they pleased. Now that I have a better understanding of my system I think the feeling of terror was a trigger that brought out one of the alters that live in the world. They are strong and function in the world so not to be noticed. They keep us out of jail and mental hospitals so we can go to work and have a life that is safe sense safety is all we ever wanted.

"thinking about this my next question is why would someone want to cause their self so much emotional or physical pain that they cant handle so that they dissociate on purpose in therapy..most people I know who are DID including me would rather not dissociate because of the problems that come from dissociating....foggy headed, not knowing what is happening when an alter is out, losing time, and other things that a person is left trying to "clean" up after an alter has been out."

I wanted to share my experience regarding your question.
I "dissociate" in therapy because none of us are the original. So the parts that do a specific job have to come out in therapy if they want to talk. I don't make them come out because I am not the original. Neither are the ones at session. In order for us to talk to our t we can either tell the one that is out to repeat what we are saying or we switch with the one that is out so we can say what is on our mind. It's not complicated because that is how we have worked for our entire life. I couldn't tell you how many time in a day we switch in order to get things done. It's just how we work.