Disapprove Host Choices

Hey

Listen, we haven't gotten a therapist. Probably not getting one soon cause we're on a wait list. I need help with my host. This girl is seriously getting on my last nerve. She met some guy from work and has been at his house 3 times now and last night she spent the night a second time. He says he can be respectful I don't trust him. He slept on the floor last night after I tried taking over but my girl knocked me back down. Then heck broke loose it was kinda funny she couldn't stop squirming because we wouldn't leave her alone.

I'm here again and tryin to stay bc I'm so sick in tired of her freakin herself out. If you don't trust guys why are you going over and sleeping there and drinking? Shes gotta get a clue but Im lost and we got no support network for this ****.

Ryan

Ryan, I am new here, but I hope I can help at least a little. I am a host and I act quite a bit like your host. I do dumb things that I end up regretting like sex and drinking, but as much as I regret it, it helps me think clearer at least for a few days. I know it's hard to see your host doing dumb things and that you have to "tag around" to see it, but if you want to help your host, maybe all your host needs is a good friend. It sounds like your host seeks comfort from men and since you are a guy, maybe you can help her have that comfort so she doesn't seek it from men who can't help her feel good about herself.
I know you're upset, but you and your host need to work together. If you can help her, she can help you.

hi Ryan. sometimes people have to have their own friends. you like having your own friends that the host or the others with you, cant interfere with right. you have things you like to do, you have you have things you hate doing. well the host is the same way. the host needs their own me time to form their own friendships, their own relationships, the only way the host can learn whats best for her is if she gets out there and develops her own network of friends even if that means shes going to get into situations the rest of you dont like.

theres a saying here the more you say no and prevent someone from having friends and developing their own intimate relationships the more they will seek it out, just to show everyone "I control my life not you"

maybe you can let go a bit, I know you are just trying to protect her but even parents have to let their children fall sometimes in order for the child to learn how to do things their self.

maybe you and the host can come to an agreement of some kind of working together, instead of against each other so that you both will be able to have a better life together.

Thanks Tremor..

I think you're right. I just don't know how to help or comfort her right now b/c I'm so freakin frustrated w/her. She wants to tell the guy about us too. I have to get us to this job interview but unless she takes all the control back I'll be back online. I swear I'm trying to be nice, I haven't always been the nice guy..

Dude, what if I can't comfort her? We've had a lot of issues and our communication is still getting fixed so she misunderstands a lot. ..How can I comfort her so that she doesn't have to stick herself dangerous to feel safe?

Ryan

Ryan, I wish I could tell you how to comfort your host, but since I am a host and my others feel aggravated with me a lot of the time because of my choices, it makes it hard. All I can tell you is what I wish I could tell my others and what I wish they would understand about me.
I wish my others knew I wasn't out to hurt them or myself. I wish they knew I try very hard to do the best I can, but most of the time I feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do to feel better. I wish they knew I want to help them too, but I don't know how to help them since it is so hard to help even myself.
I wish my others weren't so upset with me. I wish they could feel what I feel, so maybe they could understand me better. I know they get upset at me for some of the choices I make, but I feel if they weren't so upset with me and tried to support me, I might not make such bad choices.
I want to be friends with my others, but I want them to be friends with me too. My others don't have a support system, but neither do I. I wish we could work together and work to help each other.
Ryan, do you think you can forgive your host for her choices that hurt both of you? Do you think you can support her and still love her even though she has hurt you (without meaning too)?
If your host is anything like me, I respond best to kindness. When someone gets on my case, tells me I'm not trying, tells me I'm being stupid, etc, I feel worthless and then I feel angry and rebellious. When someone isn't treating me kindly, I tend to make worst decisions.
I'm not saying you are treating your host in a mean way. I'm just saying your host probably needs you to be her friend and to try to forgive her and to understand her.

You sound a lot like her Tremor. I'm going to try to stay calm with her, I talked to some friends that know me and they said the same thing you did. I get frustrated easily and Ive been working on it but aint easy.

I think I can forgive her... man I just.. I know she gotta learn and I gotta be patient with her. She closes up when people aren't nice and hides.

I'll try to be her friend. I feel like her brother so I just wanna protect her y'know? It's been a long time since we were just friends and I probably need to forgive her for that too. Thank you, Tremor. Its not gonna be easy but Im going to try n practice more patience.

Hey

I wanted to update bc I was able to talk with her. I keep leavin her notes so she can remember what we talked about. She was blamin herself for a whole bunch of crap that I got her to let go. I'm trying to comfort her but she wants 'real' people and I cant blame her.

So I can answer your questions: The answer is yeah. I cant ever stop supporting this kid, I love her too much.

Thanks for helping me out, Tremor