Thinking about checking myself in

<font color="purple"> I am seriously thinking of checking myself into a center that specializes in treating women with PTSD and Dissociative Disorders in Fl after I work this weekend. I am so tired of it all. I don't care any more. Can't seem to drudge up enough of anything to change my mind. Things have been so bad lately. I just can't take any more. You'd think after 12 years of therapy I'd be able to handle it. But guess what?!! I can't. I just want to give up, not go on. Don't want to hurt myself, just get out of this mess that is my life right now. But it doesn't happen that way. Oh well.
Good bye,
cat
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(((((((((((((((cat))))))))))))
gentle hugs and know that you are in my thoughts!!! please take care of yourself and do what ever you need to get through!!! you are stronger than you think!!!

thanks tallison!
I'm really not in a good way right now.

More later,
cat

sorry to hear things are so hard at this time cat. it sounds like you have a good plan for treatment and for overall safety. very wise to know when one has gone beyond their own ability to care for themselves in a way that works.

sometimes it doesn't matter how long one has been in therapy or how many techniques one has learned.........it still hits the overwhelm at times and when that happens one needs to go back to basics.

if basic well-being includes inpatient then we're strongly behind you in doing that.

with hope that this center can assist you in the ways you seek,
__zh

Cat,

Getting back to basics is often a good place when things become over-whelming. . . grounding . . . journaling . . . walking . . . you know the drill as so many of us do. I also understand that when you are in a bad place, it's so terribly hard to do anything. I do so know what that means. I think everyone here does.

I wish I had the magic words to help you out of this dark place, if I did, I'd pull myself out too. For now, maybe it will help to know that others are here with you. You are not alone and we all do understand. Keep posting, it does help to release and be understood.

Gentle Hugs, if okay,
Songbird

<font color="purple">Had a great therapy session last night.. Was able to separate myself from the "little" whose experiences/emotions I had been reliving over the past four days. I was able to embrace her, yet put a boundary up between her 'then' and my 'now' which was a very important thing for me to do. I have done it in the past when overwhelmed by dissociated experiences of my parts. In the moments I was experiencing the "baby's" trauma I was overwhelmed. I had not ever experienced anything so hard before. I was overtaken by "her" emotions and sensations. My therapist helped me to recall that I had the tools to help the "baby" yet keep myself in the 'here and now.'

She held me, let me put my head in her lap and on her shoulder, while she spoke to the "baby" who listened intently. As my therapist was holding me, I was holding the "baby." I repeated to her what my T was saying to me. What I was feeling flowed into that little one and allowed me to separate "my" emotions/sensations from "her" emotions/sensations. How grateful I am to have a T who cares so much about me that she hugs and accepts all the parts of me.

I am by no means finished learning what I need to from my "baby" part. But right now I am able to once again be present in the 'now' and see that life is not horrible/hopeless/helpless, those were "her" feelings. I see that I do need to learn from "her", that I need to take the time I need to with "her", that I can continue on in this life, that I have the strength inside of me, that I can cope and function in this life. How important that lesson was for me to learn tonight!

I don't think I'll need to go to that special program after all. I, with the help of my T, was able to discover that within me lies the strength to go on. For that I am truly thankful.

My therapist is an angel!

Thank you for all your wonderful caring support.
Peace
cat</font>

YEAH and thanks for sharing your experience with us.

((((cat))))
good work

I am so glad that you have a t that you work so well with. It sounds like you had an awesome session.

i'm so happy for you!!!! and i must say that your story is very helpful for me as i'm starting to deal with that sort of stuff... there's hope!!! yay!!! so thank you so much for sharing your story, it's inspiring!!! you remain in my thoughts!!! gentle hugs for all of you!!!!

((((((( Cat ))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

Take care of Yourself...we gonna be for you always.

(((((((((((Cacoon)))))))))))
I'm glad things are feeling better for you now and you were able to avoid hospital. That's great that you have such a good T too, they are hard to come by. I thought I had the only one.

<font color="purple">((((((((((Songbird&daisy, fuzzy bear, bipolar bear, white iris, Jan, tallison, wanttoheal, princess, and anyone whom I have forgotten))))))))))

















As you all can tell I am VERY HAPPY right now! I want to thank you all for the wonderful support I find here. This has become a favorite place of mine to check in a spend an hour or two (hee hee)!</font>

<font color="purple">

Right now I'm feeling all of the above!

Worse off now than I was when I wrote this original post. I wanna get rid of the baby; she's so needy. I'm tired of having to to help her. I want someone to hold me and tell me I'm good and that they love me! I hate going inside and taking care of the other parts.

Wanna get off the merry-go-round that is my life. It's so hard right now! Just wanna quit! But you can't quit your life! No SI feelings, just want out. Can't dissociate any more when I want to avoid something. Dissociate when I'm needed inside and then someone else comes out.

More later.</font>

I want someone to hold me and tell me I'm good and that they love me!

Petunia sits next to catcoon, wraps her purple petals around catcoon's shoulders and whispers, "you are good and you are loved."

Thanks so much purple petaled one! I appreciate your being with me right now. I'm in such a bad way.

I am in a bad spot too, but hopefully with a med tweak I'll be up and running again in no time.

I will help you though, any way I can.

I will put one paw around catcoon and one around Petunia and we can sit and just be together.

what ever is best for you and no one else/

<font color="purple"> I still feel a little like this
But thank you purple petalled one for the hug and comforting words. Also thank you bipolar bear for being with tunia and me. You are both little !

Mlyn what do you mean by "whatever is best for you and no one else/"?

I am still feeling , but I see my T at 6:30pm today. I can hold out till then. Hopefully will have another good session and come through to the other side once again.</font>

hang in there cat!

this too shall pass, and i know you've been thru worse. sometimes we're not suposed to have all the anwers. i've read your posts here and there, and know you have a lot to offer! things will get better. you have so much to be grateful for. it might not help you feel better now, sometimes things just suck! after every sad rainy day there's a sunny day smile.! hope you bounce back soon!