T yesterday!

Yesterday in Therapy.... I found out some things about me that hurt... My therapist is so so good... she can really read me. She said that emotional and physical abuse is so hidden, and that I have little control of when some of the things come out. We have been working on Anxiety and Worry thoughts... I find it hard to think of alternative ways to stop the worry thoughts. This exercise is usually for singletons, but when you are a multiple you have the thoughts and feelings of everybody in your system. I have to almost be reprogrammed to think of things in different ways. My anxious/anger gets out of control without me even knowing it. I know when backed into a corner, I get irratable and red hot made. Mad enough that I could hurt someone or myself. All of my goodself goes into rage. I then isolate... and have thoughts of SI. It is so hard fighting for everyone. My depression hit after session yesterday. When in this mood I can spend a ton of money .... it is a instant high, then remorse, pain and suffering. I guess I will be in therapy for the duration of my life..... not seeing a end to the deep sadness and depression..... I could not sleep last night. My littles wanted to get up and eat. It is so hard with DID. .........

(((((((((((((((((((((Lilith))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that you are feeling so sad right now. It sounds like you are on an emotional roller coaster. It seems the emotions a are so strong and you are learning new coping skills with a wonderful T. Yes it is harder when there are many to consider. But do try and stay safe. We all heal at our own rate and I hope you can accept how you are healing. Maybe you can come up with a plan that you won't spend money when you are like this? Not have access to credit cards or keep very much cash with you? I am sure you will come up wth something that works for you. Please take care.

BB

Thank you, biploar_bear... for caring and responding to my post...

Oh, my friend... You really have a lot on your plate all the time. How very strong of you to search inside of yourself like that! It takes its woman to do that! Try to think of all the progress you've made during the last year... you will continue on that path... I'm sure!
My thoughts are with you...

((((((((( Altheia ))))))))))

(((((((((Lilith)))))))) I'm so glad you have such a good t. I understand the rage and programming. I do think we have to literally be reprogrammed. Sometimes even if the thought is not understandable, there is reaction to it regardless and that's hard. I hope things calm down for you soon. Take care.

I hope I calm down too.... it is a struggle right know.... My son Brandon will be home next week Friday for his spring break. I would love nothing more for me to be in a good space, when he arrives. To keep my littles from just making him nuts..... thanks for writing.....

Hi Nina, I wish I could forcus on the future, but I still get pulled into the past. Or into a relm that I do not understand. Thank you for responding...you are the kindest person...

(((((((((((((((((Lilith)))))))))))))))))))))) Maybe your T can help you next week for grounding skills for when your son is home? I am so sorry that things are so hard. Take care.