[Claritytoo]

I went to session today and my t was asking about memories that my little one has. She ask me if I wanted to say more. I suddenly felt like I needed to run into the corner cover myself and scream. Just scream really loud over and over. One of my others didn't want her to do that. Something like "that is not how to behave". I told this to my t, she explained that that might be a memory of what I did or wanted to do. And that we might be re-traumatized if we acted out the memory. I could feel my brain turn inside out. I was trying to understand that to be a memory and not a part. I have had that thought in therapy before but always understood it to be a part. And was concerned that i could stand up a do that at anytime during session. Thinking of this as a memory makes sense. If my memories were not stored away in the time they happened, than they may just be floating around in my head, jumping out when something jars the memory. I truly wanted to get up out of my chair and scream, run into a corner and cover myself. It is exactly what I FELT. But it might be a memory of something I felt when I was three. A memory that is not set in time. This thinking makes some of us feel better. Like we are a little lighter today.

[kaliope]

this has nothing to do with what you said, but mentioning your brain turn inside out made me think of my own session today...not too many people post about their alters in this section and I am new to all this...when your alters show up for session, does it feel like your head is going to explode?

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by kaliope

this has nothing to do with what you said, but mentioning your brain turn inside out made me think of my own session today...not too many people post about their alters in this section and I am new to all this...when your alters show up for session, does it feel like your head is going to explode?

Only when we are trying to understand our existence from a different perspective.

[Gr3tta]

My T told me she thinks I work really hard to hold my parts in. I would like to learn how to unclench while in therapy and let them out more, but i don't kknow how. Hiding is such an automated response. I don't know how to flip that switch off.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

My T told me she thinks I work really hard to hold my parts in. I would like to learn how to unclench while in therapy and let them out more, but i don't kknow how. Hiding is such an automated response. I don't know how to flip that switch off.

Talk to your parts and ask if there is anyone who wants to talk in therapy. That is what we do.

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta

My T told me she thinks I work really hard to hold my parts in. I would like to learn how to unclench while in therapy and let them out more, but i don't kknow how. Hiding is such an automated response. I don't know how to flip that switch off.

I can relate to the idea of keeping them in. They're there, but know better than to come flying out. That's how we survived. Therapy is supposed to be a safe environment for expression. But they have to learn and trust that it actually is safe. Hope this helps.

[kaliope]

I journal with mine at home. we talk back and forth. t is a hypnotherapist and that is how they come out and talk to her. she is very good at making them feel safe.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by kaliope

this has nothing to do with what you said, but mentioning your brain turn inside out made me think of my own session today...not too many people post about their alters in this section and I am new to all this...when your alters show up for session, does it feel like your head is going to explode?

"brain turning insie out" is a rather good explaination.

[Kiya]

That is interesting Clarity - memory vs alter. I have had one of mine suddenly surface and zip under a table during therapist. But only ever with one therapist - the one we trusted the most. I guess with the rest we don't feel safe enough to show them our emotions.

[Claritytoo]

Went to session yesterday. We helped a little one who was stuck in the bathroom. She is now safe with our helper who is six. It is hard to believe she is no longer stuck in the bathroom. But now when we see her she is up and happy and not in the room. We also realized something while talking with our t. Our t mentioned something about us not helping the little one because she was left in the bathroom. We became defensive and offended by her saying this. We were helping. We were acknowledging her as being sad but not thinking we could help change her situation. We were helping but in a way like we have always done. Now we are working on changing our way of being in the world. So the way we help each other may need to be redefined. This is something that we will need to think about to understand what we need to do to best help everyone. It was important for us to realize this because it opens up possibilities. Everyone will think about it and decide what works given the direction we are trying to go in. A lot happened in session that was helpful

[jwabf]

Memories vs parts. I can relate. I struggle to figure this out too. Sometimes I want to sit on the floor and hold on to someone's leg - my husband, my T. And I wonder if that is a part or a memory of what used to give me comfort or maybe both. I did it once to my husband and his experience was that I was "little" and he was a "parent". It made him feel weird - of course I was close to being hopitalised so I wasn't in a good place.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by jwabf

Memories vs parts. I can relate. I struggle to figure this out too. Sometimes I want to sit on the floor and hold on to someone's leg - my husband, my T. And I wonder if that is a part or a memory of what used to give me comfort or maybe both. I did it once to my husband and his experience was that I was "little" and he was a "parent". It made him feel weird - of course I was close to being hopitalised so I wasn't in a good place.

I only thought of wanting to run into a corner and hide as a memory because once I said it out loud it was ok to want to do that but we didn't have to. If that thought was a part she would have been viewed differently by us. It is difficult to explain in words. It was more a thought and not a part. Also knowing it is ok to have these thoughts, and that may be a product of trauma helps me to not be so freaked out by it now. I will see if this insight applies to other thoughts of a similar nature.

[Kiya]

Wow that does sound really helpful! I know one of ours used to be stuck in a cave - and what helped her get out was the alter of our best friend. I think that that is what is missing for us right now - how to help each other in new ways that improve life. Very interesting. I'm glad your little one got out of the bathroom!

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Went to session yesterday. We helped a little one who was stuck in the bathroom. She is now safe with our helper who is six. It is hard to believe she is no longer stuck in the bathroom. But now when we see her she is up and happy and not in the room. We also realized something while talking with our t. Our t mentioned something about us not helping the little one because she was left in the bathroom. We became defensive and offended by her saying this. We were helping. We were acknowledging her as being sad but not thinking we could help change her situation. We were helping but in a way like we have always done. Now we are working on changing our way of being in the world. So the way we help each other may need to be redefined. This is something that we will need to think about to understand what we need to do to best help everyone. It was important for us to realize this because it opens up possibilities. Everyone will think about it and decide what works given the direction we are trying to go in. A lot happened in session that was helpful

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Kiya

Wow that does sound really helpful! I know one of ours used to be stuck in a cave - and what helped her get out was the alter of our best friend. I think that that is what is missing for us right now - how to help each other in new ways that improve life. Very interesting. I'm glad your little one got out of the bathroom!

Thanks

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I only thought of wanting to run into a corner and hide as a memory because once I said it out loud it was ok to want to do that but we didn't have to. If that thought was a part she would have been viewed differently by us. It is difficult to explain in words. It was more a thought and not a part. Also knowing it is ok to have these thoughts, and that may be a product of trauma helps me to not be so freaked out by it now. I will see if this insight applies to other thoughts of a similar nature.

Some studies I was reading showed how memory is stored in the body so it is not just in our mind but in our body too. So when you feel like running in the corner and screaming, you might just be feeling the memory itself wanting to be released.
Do you ever talk to the feeling and ask it what it wants to say? This is my non professional approach. Perhaps this is more suitable to do with your therapist.