[lucidity11]

The nurse suggested I read a book written for people trying to help family or patients who are diagnosed manic depressive. I am 51 pages in and already I have realized something about my son's behavior I never knew. The book is "I am not sick. I don't need help" by xavier Amador. I am going to read the entire book before my first support group meeting. It really interesting how the brain works. Or don't

[lucidity11]

All this sharing has helped. I am sure the meds also helped. I have a bit less anxiety and should be able to go out with my sister. I just hope she take a long time to get here.

today is father's day.

father's day is always hard on me.. i never met my dad, and no one ever told me anything about him (and it kills me not knowing!)

i've asked about it, but each time i've just got the answer.. well, you don't want to know- but their's the thing. i do. i do want to know.

such a meaningless day to me when i think about all the people who do have fathers they can send cards to and stuff.

oh i can't wait until it ends so i can get back to... feeling a little less crap than i do now, or something.

I am doing okay minus the recent stomach issues....but I am staying positive

i just want to be a dolphin, or a butterfly.

and get away from my current life

i can picture myself gracefully swimming through the ocean.. without a care in the world, i can't picture going on like this for much longer

[Shaly78]

Since, therapy is a joke now, I about to be finished with organized therapy. They have out smarted the smart....It too late to be saved now there is no trust no where....Sounds like the Illuminati or The Game with Michael Douglass. Can it get an more eerie? Every question, sounds like a correction why you left GPHA why you do this, only because I'm using my personality now you get defensive! Why ask why. First mistake, is not believing the patient when there is are notes social media to prove what actually is happening. No body wants to called a liar, is my understanding why folks stay on forums and message boards like this are called delusional, only cause some one is too lazy to consider the facts. Ignore you reality and it will go away, then you are psychoses to the Nurse Practioner . I'm not going to keep sharing my scared stores only to be meet with delusion, it sends a scare back in my healing, might as well shut up. ISST-D.org guidelines only to be ignored, I asked for a full work up SCID-D-R to remove any slither of doubt there is no answer, I know you heard me! Why would it even be written the dx if you going to come back with doubt! It is something else they getting on my nerves about! It is counter productive to argue, go find the thousands of ones that actually believe what you say and have no problem with when entering your offices we are too smart for and will not be considered an experiment. I guess SSA means to keep me for a while since 'condition expected to improve', is a little less likely with something alluding to schizo bipolar mix, oh but yea there is DID PTSD as well.

Im trying to convince my brain that its faking all this so that it will go away. So far no luck.

[lucidity11]

Went to visit my son today. I forgot to take my medication last night and this morning. I had some in my wallet but not for anxiety. My son was having a bit of a crisis so we went to the ER. They changed one of his meds and he seemed a lot better. I was completely dissociated for the better part of the day. I couldn't find the right roads or have a full understanding where I was in relation to the Hospital and the house. My son and I were in the ER for four hours. The most important thing is that he seems to be ok. Right now I am home and it all seems like a dream. I am not sure if it was because I didn't take meds or because my son was in crisis or both. It will take me the rest of the day to regroup. Right now I am writing this and sitting very still. And that is good.

[Luce]

I am annoyed at myself for having less control than I do. I have stuff that needs to get done - study stuff and work stuff - and I am way, way behind in both because of our increased dissociation lately. Inside is screaming out for stuff to get dealt with but I don't have time. I can't deal with that right now. I have to get this outside stuff done.
I have an inside kid tantrumming, stomping her feet and saying "uh uh, I ain't gonna do it." And she is wreaking havoc, activating some really old and destructive coping mechanisms.
Go away already! I haven't got time for that! ****!
She says its because I don't believe her.
She's right. I don't.

[lucidity11]

Things are looking better. My son is taking his new medication and willing to talk with his therapist. I couldn't be happier.

[kecanoe]

Last week Natalie, my teen alter, showed up in session with t2 for the first time. T2 asked me about it yesterday and said that she thought it was an other because of voice cadence and attitude. She hasn't seen many people with DID, I may be her first. So we chatted about that. i think that Natale showed up because she is trusting t2. But she was also angry with t2. She felt like t2 didn't understand her. Which she doesn't. I think it would be hard to be t2 and not sure at all about what to do when an alter shows up. T2 treats a lot of trauma Just not a lot if DID.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Luce

I am annoyed at myself for having less control than I do. I have stuff that needs to get done - study stuff and work stuff - and I am way, way behind in both because of our increased dissociation lately. Inside is screaming out for stuff to get dealt with but I don't have time. I can't deal with that right now. I have to get this outside stuff done.
I have an inside kid tantrumming, stomping her feet and saying "uh uh, I ain't gonna do it." And she is wreaking havoc, activating some really old and destructive coping mechanisms.
Go away already! I haven't got time for that! ****!
She says its because I don't believe her.
She's right. I don't.

Totally understand what you are saying and where you are. I seem to be in a place much similar.

I finally took a card and envelope and wrote it on the card, what the one stomping her feet wants to be dealt with, and put it in the envelope. I wrote "stay here" on the envelope. We will open it up and talk with our counselor about it on Tuesday, right now I have other things to address. That helped a bit until my mom called.

This works for me. Just wanted to share that with you.

Now, I'll most probably have to make a card for "Mom".

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

we've installed a new theme park ride in our system for the littles.

it's like a bouncy car shaped like a kangaroo and it just bounces up and down while the song plays from big daddy... you know, the kangaroo song

actually their's a diffrent one for the entrance.... "bouncy bouncy, bouncy kangaroo, bouncy bouncy bouncy kangaroo," which the littles made up

and i'm guessing that's not so bad... after all, a "bouncy kangaroo" is what it is

Well, its official. Because of our new job we lost all behavorial health coverage just as we expected

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Hi everybodys!
Sorry haven't been around much... too much going on to get into, but we were doing so well holding it together (on surface)...but, time to reen force the dam and built an ark...the pressure is building to quick and sprouting leaks everywhere... expected do to yrly timing triggers, but we gotta hold out this yr!! It is so important that we maintain til Sept ends! Literally another life depends on it. How do we make the impossible, probable??!!! PLEASE HELP! Need some outside brainstorming, quick!.. hope someone reads this..if need more info please respond in pm..can not risk more identifying info connected...but it's probably to late for that anyway...too many reply on too may subjects..Hollz has best intentions but tattler comes out too easy lately.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Too much. I wanna go play games now yes?!

Life or death

We think about it often.

What's the point?

Doomed to suffer is all I see.

Much like forever was.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Life or death

We think about it often.

What's the point?

Doomed to suffer is all I see.

Much like forever was.

to be or not to be, that is the question..

yesterday we sent ourselves in to a complete meltdown

thought we heard the voice of vicky (vicky was someone who contributed to our illness in a negative way), and well... yes, it was very tough on us

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yesterday we sent ourselves in to a complete meltdown

thought we heard the voice of vicky (vicky was someone who contributed to our illness in a negative way), and well... yes, it was very tough on us

Sorry. we have "voices of the past" too.. but they are a monotone chorus...
We also have a Vicki.She is as far as I know one of the three of us that have always been...(orginal fracture). She is the smart one. Academic overachiever. She was bullied a lot in school. College was best for her...but, my depression and Retta's partying..we screwed it up. To the best of my knowledge, she rarely takes prime anymore, works as internal liason..general memory bank. Speaks thru others. Manipulative puppet master yes... But our Vicki is not terrible. Cold impersonal almost inhuman yes...but tormentor no, not intentionally atleast.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Hi everybodys!
Sorry haven't been around much... too much going on to get into, but we were doing so well holding it together (on surface)...but, time to reen force the dam and built an ark...the pressure is building to quick and sprouting leaks everywhere... expected do to yrly timing triggers, but we gotta hold out this yr!! It is so important that we maintain til Sept ends! Literally another life depends on it. How do we make the impossible, probable??!!! PLEASE HELP! Need some outside brainstorming, quick!.. hope someone reads this..if need more info please respond in pm..can not risk more identifying info connected...but it's probably to late for that anyway...too many reply on too may subjects..Hollz has best intentions but tattler comes out too easy lately.

We create our systems to help us. Somewhere along the way for a myriad of reasons we become at odds with parts of our system. But we created our system. Tell your system you need to keep your **** together until October. Explain why in case some don't know why it is important. And even the parts who stir things up will wait. As long as you believe it, they will believe it and wait.

this afternoon we relived something that happened over 2 years ago (still very strong in our mind i suppose!)

anyway without going in to detail, it was a suicide experience- where another insider called the police to say the entire system was suicidal, and when they arived at 2 in the morning someone else told them we were fine and they shouldn't worry (and some others even lied and said we never thought about suicide)

i suppose that's why we're so afraid of the police... we don't like them at all.

it was on the 1st august.. and the insider in question badly wanted to talk

now we are suicidal again!

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

this afternoon we relived something that happened over 2 years ago (still very strong in our mind i suppose!)

anyway without going in to detail, it was a suicide experience- where another insider called the police to say the entire system was suicidal, and when they arived at 2 in the morning someone else told them we were fine and they shouldn't worry (and some others even lied and said we never thought about suicide)

i suppose that's why we're so afraid of the police... we don't like them at all.

it was on the 1st august.. and the insider in question badly wanted to talk

now we are suicidal again!

Can you call your t or a suicide hotline. Sometimes you just need to have someone to listen to what is on your mind.

[possum220]

Where I live, DID is little known or acknowleged or understood even by the mental health professionals. Just because I don't into the other major mental illnesses people don't know what to do with me. When another alt comes out they ask me what they can do. How am I supposed to know?

[-Astral-]

we scared bad men come and get us ...we hide bad men no find us
hide for a long long time