dissociative disorders check in thread

Jul 08, 2015, 08:35 PM

(((((willow)))). Luv!

Kiya · Jul 08, 2015, 08:37 PM

That's wonderful! Glad she can be a mom for a bit now for you. Thank goodness!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

Hey you guys. Big update. My mom is going to take me in until i get to #10 on my transitional housing list (will take between 4-10 weeks). As soon as i get my plastic id in the mail she is going to greyhound me down there. She says she wants to make up for all of the times birthname (and she said birthname instead of me, it was an acknowledgement) wanted her attention as a kid and didnt get it, she says she feels she cant be a good mom if she allows me to be on the streets. It feels sincere because she really has improved in the last 2 years, but especially this year, on the mom front. Im looking forward to the "vacation".

Kiya · Jul 08, 2015, 08:37 PM

still having issues with getting W to use words... I'll write a separate post....

Jul 08, 2015, 09:08 PM

I'm feeling like that we are now free to do as we do. Years of confinement and seclusion...a taste of freedom... no going back

Patagonia · Jul 09, 2015, 08:55 PM

I've been lost! So lost for the past 8 months I have to wonder what was real. Someone I loved a great deal has abused some of my parts & hurt them severely.
I can't reach them. I can't comfort them.
It scares me to know I don't seem to have them here. This is not what I expected.
Now what?

Jul 09, 2015, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I've been lost! So lost for the past 8 months I have to wonder what was real. Someone I loved a great deal has abused some of my parts & hurt them severely.
I can't reach them. I can't comfort them.
It scares me to know I don't seem to have them here. This is not what I expected.
Now what?

I'm so sorry, they sound so withdrawn for protection. I hope you all are okay.

Jul 10, 2015, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Willowtrees

Hey you guys. Big update. My mom is going to take me in until i get to #10 on my transitional housing list (will take between 4-10 weeks). As soon as i get my plastic id in the mail she is going to greyhound me down there. She says she wants to make up for all of the times birthname (and she said birthname instead of me, it was an acknowledgement) wanted her attention as a kid and didnt get it, she says she feels she cant be a good mom if she allows me to be on the streets. It feels sincere because she really has improved in the last 2 years, but especially this year, on the mom front. Im looking forward to the "vacation".

Yay, Willow!

Jul 10, 2015, 02:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I've been lost! So lost for the past 8 months I have to wonder what was real. Someone I loved a great deal has abused some of my parts & hurt them severely.
I can't reach them. I can't comfort them.
It scares me to know I don't seem to have them here. This is not what I expected.
Now what?

Give it time. Perhaps, they just need some time, and a chance to feel safe again before they re-emerge. I hope it works out for all of you.

amandalouise · Jul 10, 2015, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I've been lost! So lost for the past 8 months I have to wonder what was real. Someone I loved a great deal has abused some of my parts & hurt them severely.
I can't reach them. I can't comfort them.
It scares me to know I don't seem to have them here. This is not what I expected.
Now what?

When things got confusing like this for me my treatment provider would remind me that one thing about DID is that its different than psychotic disorders like schizophrenia. reality testing remains intact with dissociative disorders. so even though it may ....feel ...unreal and I may wonder whats real. I actually do know whats real I just needed to take a step back, breath and take that moment to assess whats real and what isnt. this helped so much is re grounding my reality and then I could ltake the time to find ways to stay calm and understand even insiders need a break from accessing the outside world too.

Alters/insiders can dissociate (feel numb, spaced out, disconnected/ have other alters taking over for what they can not handle...) too. here in America we dont have recognized mental disorders for when an alter dissociates \splits into other alters and such like other countries may have (poly fragmented DID is not one of americas recognized disorders in the DSM 5) but it is part of having what america calls DID in the DSM 5 for some people.

maybe your insiders just needed break from the outside world just like the body born person needed that break when they were abused and dissociated (spaced off, felt numb... what ever the dissociative symptoms were)

give it some time and healing and when its meant to be those alters will show their selves again.

IB splitting · Jul 10, 2015, 02:43 PM

Hi guys It's Kristy again Zachary wants to share his thoughts.
What a storm there is tonite
All I see is black and white
Flashes in my head wish I
Could take flight be free
From thunder that scares me
All night, you know what
Is right, yet you strike a
Thunderest blow so none
Of us can grow I see red
You see white I wonder
Who is right..
Zach.

miss_rainy · Jul 10, 2015, 09:43 PM

I don't have a great story like the first ones and I'm not good at words but this is how I'm doing...
Recently, I had my first full switch (personality switch) and it was mind blowing. Felt like I was different person but still in my own body. Then it went away soon after...
After talking to a doctor and finally opening up, which felt comfortable then all of a sudden my identity, personality and problems went away. I can't grasp anything but it feels like everything is in a distance and it's really bugging me. I feel like a folder with nothing in it...
Otherwise along with that, when they do come back me, we're fighting. And my used-to-be favorite personality are fighting. He was so sweet and good but now he's snotty and hateful. Can't understand why and he won't quit. I can't stand it.
Anyways, that's what's going on with me. Now, I'm a little upset.

Patagonia · Jul 11, 2015, 07:22 AM

Thank you everyone for your concern & advise. It's once again been another challenge that I have to face. God this stuff gets old fast! Ugh

Jul 11, 2015, 11:17 AM

Hi everybody! We're doing okay for a Saturday. Alexi here

We're feeling good because the bigs didn't drink that much last night. I think we're trending now to not drinking! Yaaaay!

I hate it when they drink. All they want to do is nothing. Hopefully we can save some money and start having fun again!

Gotta go, my time is up. Nice talking to you!

Kiya · Jul 12, 2015, 12:06 AM

finally heard from pnurse - she saw how many messages she's missed, but we didn't talk more about my wild child's issues with speech vs action. she will, however, support me in a DID program coming up if we get approved

Claritytoo · Jul 12, 2015, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss_rainy

I don't have a great story like the first ones and I'm not good at words but this is how I'm doing...
Recently, I had my first full switch (personality switch) and it was mind blowing. Felt like I was different person but still in my own body. Then it went away soon after...
After talking to a doctor and finally opening up, which felt comfortable then all of a sudden my identity, personality and problems went away. I can't grasp anything but it feels like everything is in a distance and it's really bugging me. I feel like a folder with nothing in it...
Otherwise along with that, when they do come back me, we're fighting. And my used-to-be favorite personality are fighting. He was so sweet and good but now he's snotty and hateful. Can't understand why and he won't quit. I can't stand it.
Anyways, that's what's going on with me. Now, I'm a little upset.

When I started talking to my t about my parts there was some arguing and angry feelings. The parts who kept it a secret for decades were uneasy with the new openness with my t. It took some time and internal discussion. Most of us eventually agreed that talking to t was ok and things inside settled down.

IB splitting · Jul 14, 2015, 07:56 PM

So someone drove their car into my T office accidentally. So she is across the street borrowing an office anyway I was fine until the door shut then oh boy, everyone thought we got a new T holy cr...p I was splitting like crazy almost had a panic attack.. Was not fun no no!!!

Jul 14, 2015, 10:11 PM

Omg...thats so effing crazy! Did you post it on you tube?

Jul 15, 2015, 09:27 AM

Sitting here reading everything that this body has been posting for the past few days.

IB splitting · Jul 15, 2015, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Omg...thats so effing crazy! Did you post it on you tube?

No we didn't see it happen, the building was just like boarded up.
All of my Alters were like whoa wait a minute this isn't the right place.
Funny how a simple change can be so dramatic us...

Kiya · Jul 15, 2015, 10:43 PM

my insurance called me today - something about them getting special money for other programs and are assessing their high risk population (aka crisis) and seeing what can ben done other than multiple hospital stays. Interesting. So there is a man (RN) coming to my house Friday to assess me and see if I qualify and what services he may have that I can utilize. I did a quick phone assessment and the questions kept getting thicker... anxiety? depression? yes, yes... and ptsd. Ptsd? yes.... any 'attempts?' - well we all know what that means. "any current plans?" and that one too... tho it took me a minute. I was about to say, yeah, I have therapy in an hour. Then I brought in the 'I can't find a provider to work with DID. "DID?" yes... "oh"... THEN she let me know she was a psych nurse - first she'd just said she was a nurse.
When we'd gotten notice that we'd be getting an optional call to see about optional extra free services from this new company they will be partnering with, I did my homework, so I was well aware of what "there might be some unusual questions the nurse will ask you" meant.
So, we shall see. My system is not often cooperative with men... I let her know that but said I'd try. Maybe I will host him in the common area instead of my apartment... unless he is also doing a wellness check... I'm trying to clean.

One funny I could add is that I put my shoulder out of joint (not the funny part) and when the pt (who I've now nearly bit and also dug my claws into slightly) took my hand under her arm, she did so in a way that it neatly, gently, and effectively folded my fingers in on themselves so my claws would have no chance touching her on what was to be a very painful -but needed- adjustment.
Well played, pt, well played.

Jul 15, 2015, 10:56 PM

Tuesday, Kyle took over, and let me come through yesterday afternoon. He left a list of things I should be doing based on what the others want to accomplish, along with some motivational words. That's good. It gives me some direction and inspiration. Whilst away, I've met two others in the system. We have a 3yr old named Alex (I didn't choose that name for him),and our accountant, Ethan.

Alex is afraid. He had his thumb in his mouth the whole time. Isabelle has taken an instant liking to him, which is great. I just hope I can sooth his fears in time.

All in all, they're all well

.