[Gr3tta]

Switching a lot today unclear why. All female adults though, so kept anyone from noticing.

[Kiya]

trigger night last night and day. last night I got a random text from me da that I should have never gotten. Me mam's in the hospital and I have her phone - but never told anyone that. She'd (or maybe I, since I don't understand Android) sent a mistaken text of nonsense to him (why she talks to him, I have no idea). So he sent back Whaaa??? And so, pretending to be her, I texted back (because I went into some trance space and was pulled to his number like a moth to flame) Sorry -mistype. He texted back immediately Best to your Mam. @_@ How in the h e double hockey sticks did he know it was me? so that sent us into a tizzy of freak out and tears. dropped the phone like it was a hot coal. Then mam called and was mad at us for being swapped out. :/
Today was like a revolving door of people.... too much stress. too many ways.
still freaked about that text - haven't spoken to the man but once in 9 years, and not since 2010.

[MoonSunn]

Hey guys I'm wondering if this is the right place to post or where to search for help.

People told me everytime they see me I have a different personality, I had to agree with them and the worst part is I am not bothered with it and I feel it's the natural way. Sometimes I'm plain tired or strung out and can't perform 'myself'. I don't have a self, my own life or personality, I can't pin down in words who I am and what I do. Often I respond in ridicule, or take a roll of a famous person, or imaginary fantasy person. I like playing like that, I think everybody should once we're done with what 'needs' to be done (work, school) and I can't imagine a better thing to do; I don't feel there's anything that needs to be talked about or is better to be talked about when in reality there's simply too much.

I've had some development issues and I'm not sure what my life was supposed to be, now that I'm 'young adult'. I feel if I picked the most 'casual' personality and used it all the time, I'd still be role-playing, I feel like every person's personality is fake. I am becoming a complete introvert, I rather keep in what could possibly shock people around me. I am estranging myself from common shared reality and it goes exponentially, the weirder I am the less opportunity for normalcy I get

I have some hallucinations, so I post under sz forum, but I think this has to do with disassociating myself.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MoonSunn

Hey guys I'm wondering if this is the right place to post or where to search for help.

People told me everytime they see me I have a different personality, I had to agree with them and the worst part is I am not bothered with it and I feel it's the natural way. Sometimes I'm plain tired or strung out and can't perform 'myself'. I don't have a self, my own life or personality, I can't pin down in words who I am and what I do. Often I respond in ridicule, or take a roll of a famous person, or imaginary fantasy person. I like playing like that, I think everybody should once we're done with what 'needs' to be done (work, school) and I can't imagine a better thing to do; I don't feel there's anything that needs to be talked about or is better to be talked about when in reality there's simply too much.

I've had some development issues and I'm not sure what my life was supposed to be, now that I'm 'young adult'. I feel if I picked the most 'casual' personality and used it all the time, I'd still be role-playing, I feel like every person's personality is fake. I am becoming a complete introvert, I rather keep in what could possibly shock people around me. I am estranging myself from common shared reality and it goes exponentially, the weirder I am the less opportunity for normalcy I get

I have some hallucinations, so I post under sz forum, but I think this has to do with disassociating myself.

maybe this will help...if you google the words self psychological definition you will find a self is the sum of a persons experiences, memories, emotions, consciousness and unconsciousnes. how does that translate to humans well without a self human beings would be just a shell with no reactions, no memories, no movements, no ability to recognize things like role playing, whether they feel small or adult like....

my point is in your post you gave evidence that you do have a self (it may not be the way you want it to be but you do have a self.

examples of a self I find in your post...
you agree when someone says your personality is different every time (since the psychological definition of a self includes memories..if you didnt have a self you would not have the ability to remember how you are with each person and recognize you are different each time with other people ) by the way you can relax on this because human beings are naturally different given what situations they are in. its an instinctual quality that makes us human (being able to think, adapt and be how ever the situation requires/or we need\want to show those around us. a natural survival skill from caveman days you might say when cavemen had to think and adapt to those around them and their environment) it is normal for someone to have one tpye of personality ie serious during and with work, and playful/carefree\happy during spending time with a friends or even showing one way of being one time with a friend and different another time with friends. as human beings our moods do not stay the same every second of the day therefore of course we are going to naturally have different personalities when we are doing things.

dissociative personalities are a very special kind. one of the diagnostics of having dissociative personalities is that they are not because of imaginary friends or fantasy play. your post says you cant "perform" myself so you role play other famous people. here in america that would tell a treatment provider you do not have DID or OSDD (the dissociative problems of having dissociative type alternate personalities )

mind you we can not diagnose you, only a treatment provider off line and in your location can do that.

my suggestion is if this continues to bother you contact a treatment provider. they can help you understand what a self is and help you to redefine your's so that you can be a happier person not needing to put on acts\perform\role play\fantasy play (which ever wording your location uses)

Hi moonsunn, welcome to PC...we are happy to help.

Can you please start a new discussion thread so that you can tell us more and we can chat about it in length? This one is for check ins. Thank you!

Oh...checking in...I'm about to see our new pdoc for the second time (my first time). The first time Steve did it, that was a fiasco freak out. I'm going to try it this time.

OMG! We drank too much last night and outed ourselves on Facebook! UUUUUUGGGGGHH!
I've deactivated my account and won't ever go back ever again.

We are sobering up. I'm so embarrassed. My parents (who were the abusers) and relatives and high school friends all now know, or think that I'm an idiot.

There's a teen in here that wants to drink and party. We are so controlling this.

[Gr3tta]

I keep having these mini-flashbacks. Little snippets of memory, a scene, a word. Its very distressing. I know they must be important, but theyre here and gone before i can write them down, or even really decipher what it was.

Yaaaay we did it! We didn't drink tonight! One down, a lifetime to go.

[MoonSunn]

Sorry, yeah, I thought that was a tad bit long. I'll research into it and post someplace else

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Oh...checking in...I'm about to see our new pdoc for the second time (my first time). The first time Steve did it, that was a fiasco freak out. I'm going to try it this time.

Here's to hoping it goes well, for you all.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Yaaaay we did it! We didn't drink tonight! One down, a lifetime to go.

Great job, AC2! . One night at a time, my friend.

[stomt]

Hi everyone! i'm new to the site but was hoping to reach out. I have been seeing a T weekly Since January to assist with symptoms that she suspects are related to Complex PTSD and Dissociation. I also am in this field of work and work in a very complex position with lots of client contact. Anyway, I find Thursdays are always really bad for me. I work about 16 hours on Wednesday and go to therapy on my lunch. Most I feel "spacey" and tired. I try different grounding techniques but haven't found one that works for this situation. I have a small window of tolerance at this point for parts work but know that it is a skill to be developed. Anyone have any tips on checking in with parts and maybe helping the conversation become more "clear" if that makes sense?

getting ready to do collage work once mom gets up very very very scared and nervous as it is supposed to start helping get to memories we cant verbalize

[darkpurplesecrets]

Just feel---it no longer matters for any of us to anyone.

It's been a good day. Everyone did their job well and much got done. All ready to relax and call it a day.

[Gr3tta]

My sister is coming today and i am really nervous. She knows i have mental health issues but not that i have did. I really hope i dont do any switching sround her. Trying my best to stay grounded and lower my anxiety.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by invisible butterfly

getting ready to do collage work once mom gets up very very very scared and nervous as it is supposed to start helping get to memories we cant verbalize

I've done collage work - very interesting. try not to let too much thinking go into it.

[Kiya]

heard from pnurse yesterday that she is leaving her practice. quitting. I cried and cried. it's just one more blow to my 10 yr old wolf child. we keep losing the people who can see her and understand her; one therapist then another as well as a pnurse, last week a pt, this week my current pnurse.
one can only take so many blows.
I do get to see her one last time....
it's an end of an era, so to speak: my t dying of cancer is the one who sent all her clients to pnurse when she started her own practice. Soon both will be gone. I thought I'd be working through t's death with pnurse.
everything will be different. another new t, another new pmhnp....

[IB splitting]

We just learned of 4 new alters that were in hiding.
Tara-Jesse. Kristin-Jason
Welcome back its been awhile. Great I think...

[Claritytoo]

Today I was kayaking. I haven't done that in a year. I paddled down a canal through a condo complex. There were families barbequing and children playing in the big pool. I could hear the families talking and the children laughing. Just safe and having fun with their families. I had a moment of great sadness. It surprised me. I had tears in my eyes as I began to paddle out to the bay. I realized that I was sad for us for not having a safe and loving home. My heart ached a little for knowing that I can not go back and change the past. That I will not have memories of a fun safe home. And at the same time there is a part that thinks we can have that. But we can't. I just don't know how to move into the space where I can let the past be the past. I wouldn't care if I know we had a tough childhood, I just am tired of feeling the emotional pain of something that is what it is.

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

Today I was kayaking. I haven't done that in a year. I paddled down a canal through a condo complex. There were families barbequing and children playing in the big pool. I could hear the families talking and the children laughing. Just safe and having fun with their families. I had a moment of great sadness. It surprised me. I had tears in my eyes as I began to paddle out to the bay. I realized that I was sad for us for not having a safe and loving home. My heart ached a little for knowing that I can not go back and change the past. That I will not have memories of a fun safe home. And at the same time there is a part that thinks we can have that. But we can't. I just don't know how to move into the space where I can let the past be the past. I wouldn't care if I know we had a tough childhood, I just am tired of feeling the emotional pain of something that is what it is.

My you had some awesome fun! I love hearing families enjoying each other...I can only wish...

The past is the past...we got screwed, but our future doesn't have to be screwed!

We try to keep an optimistic direction in mind, like kayaking down a canal....who does that? We have canals here, but they are skeeter farms.

Please don't let your condition cloud y'all's vision.

we've been here, but having a hard time of it lately

depressed all day (every day), and at night no chance of sleep- none

those dam helusinations... can't keep them away

[Gr3tta]

Well i did switch in on front of my sister - twice in succsession. She actually handled it very well. Then i had a weird thing happen. Yesterday was my wedding reception, and i kept insisting peeople were someone else. I felt really confused during this. Really disoriented. It was kinda scary. I got over it but felt "off" the whole time.

on the plus side it's raining. and it's been raining all day.

bit of a mood booster..