[finding_my_way]

has anyone experienced the feeling of something feeling scary when something happens while you are in a dissociated/anxious state that is not really scary or harmful but triggers you into more of a dissociated/anxious state to the point it feels so real you almost are not able to tell if it is real or not?

for me, i have had this kind of thing happen my entire life on and off. it happens when i am dissociated sometimes but is not a main symptom for me.

when i was younger, there was a time i thought someone put a bomb in the mailbox to try to harm me.

lately when i have left the house, it seems like strange things happen (only because i'm on edge/dissociated) that might not seem strange if i wasn't.

today, it was a crow that seemed to follow me, fly over my head, and crow very loud. it scared me so bad. then two of them did the same thing in the same area to the point i almost cried because it terrified me. part of me didn't know if they were to hurt me or if it meant something that they were following me. i tried so hard to talk myself down/out of it, but it was very hard during that moment to get grounded.

things like that are so scary and i barely can tell reality from that kind of thing...at least with derealization/depersonalization, i know that is not real..but when you throw panic/fear into it, it is so difficult.

a few months ago, i was so distraught over having lost a friend and then other things happening that i was extremely dissociated and in a state like this except it was that i thought someone was in the back yard watching me..i could almost see them except i couldn't at the same time....

is that something that might be common with dissociation or ptsd or trauma or something else maybe? i have not been able to figure it out, and my psychiatrist has not really explained to me what it might be.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

has anyone experienced the feeling of something feeling scary when something happens while you are in a dissociated/anxious state that is not really scary or harmful but triggers you into more of a dissociated/anxious state to the point it feels so real you almost are not able to tell if it is real or not?

for me, i have had this kind of thing happen my entire life on and off. it happens when i am dissociated sometimes but is not a main symptom for me.

when i was younger, there was a time i thought someone put a bomb in the mailbox to try to harm me.

lately when i have left the house, it seems like strange things happen (only because i'm on edge/dissociated) that might not seem strange if i wasn't.

today, it was a crow that seemed to follow me, fly over my head, and crow very loud. it scared me so bad. then two of them did the same thing in the same area to the point i almost cried because it terrified me. part of me didn't know if they were to hurt me or if it meant something that they were following me. i tried so hard to talk myself down/out of it, but it was very hard during that moment to get grounded.

things like that are so scary and i barely can tell reality from that kind of thing...at least with derealization/depersonalization, i know that is not real..but when you throw panic/fear into it, it is so difficult.

a few months ago, i was so distraught over having lost a friend and then other things happening that i was extremely dissociated and in a state like this except it was that i thought someone was in the back yard watching me..i could almost see them except i couldn't at the same time....

is that something that might be common with dissociation or ptsd or trauma or something else maybe? i have not been able to figure it out, and my psychiatrist has not really explained to me what it might be.

here in my location dissociation does not include delusions and paranoia. here one of the diagnostics for all the dissociation symptoms and dissociative disorders is that reality testing remains intact. that means a person knows whats real and what isnt and can tell whats real and what isnt,....delusions and paranoia are when someone thinks or believes something that can not possibly be real, is worried about things that can not possibly be real at that moment.

thats not saying a person cant have more than one diagnosis. someone can have a diagnosis of dissociation problems and another diagnosis of having delusions/hallucinations/ paranoia...

for example I have a diagnosis of dissociative disorders (which does not include those things) plus I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder (which can cause me to have delusions, paranoia) plus I have anxiety disorders (which also can have delusions, paranoia as symptoms. I am also on some meds that can cause the symptoms of having delusions, paranoia when they are not the right dosage or wrong medication for me.

here in my location its pretty common for people to be dual diagnosed (meaning having more than one mental disorder) which explains all their symptoms. it is also pretty common here in my location for some people to have medication side effects of delusions, paranoia.

my suggestion is contact your (or a) treatment provider in your off computer location. they will be able to sort out what your diagnosis's are and which of your symptoms comes from which mental disorder.

[Kiya]

I think this could be common to a lot of things.
I do near the same thing, but with only thoughts - not actual events - so mine is more catastrophic thinking.
DID being a conglomerate of coping modalities, nothing would surprise me to be incorporated in to it since DID is unique to each individual.
Well, sometimes I do feel like i'm being watched.... but I likely am not.
I got my self into a right state tonight in the kitchen - I seem to have a kitchen phobia. The dishes were piled high in the sink and I've been not just avoiding them, but also really ill these last two weeks. Finally I go to tackle them tonight and there's a spider in there! That set everything off and I was "off the maps" in my imagination of DHS coming in and condemning my place, saying I wasn't well enough to live on my own.... etc. I was so worked up that I had to take an Ativan (and this wasn't even a real scenario) and then several fireworks went off right outside my window scaring the daylights out of me!!!! I would have been ok had I not already taken a little mind trip in to scary waters.
:/

I suffer from delusions too. We attributed it to being bipolar because it's genetically obtained. If it weren't for the mild hallucinations of dancing shapes and colors, wiggling walls and floors, and consistent mood cycles, I'd wonder, too. The meds do work, so it's true.

Can you possibly have an onset of psychosis from a genetic condition? Maybe talking to a Pdoc or GP is needed.

Or maybe an others fears bleeding through influencing you? Sometimes I get these instant adverse feelings that totally clash with what's happening at the wrong times, like when I'm mad and about to fight, fear would then run through me from no where changing me.

I hope you get to feeling better hun.

[finding_my_way]

i am ok today, thanks. i have told my psychiatrist in the past when something like that has happened, but she never really explained to me what it was.

i know it isn't 'me' because i could kind of understand it probably wasn't 'real' except it's hard to say something isn't real when you can see it happening in front of you. so, that was partly why it was so confusing because it was also mixed with feeling it was real and terrifying.

i have a lot of stress in my life lately, so i know it is also related to that..except i've actually been feeling quite calm..so i don't quite understand that either.

[Kiya]

I do get the derealization/ depersonalization... that stuff bites. I think maybe you are referring to that more than "delusions"? When you can see and feel things that are not really happening... delusional is where you really believe your different reality. (??)

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by Kiya

I do get the derealization/ depersonalization... that stuff bites. I think maybe you are referring to that more than "delusions"? When you can see and feel things that are not really happening... delusional is where you really believe your different reality. (??)

no. i have also had depersonalization/derealization a lot in my lifetime and know how that feels. while i was dissociated for that event yesterday, what happened while dissociated was more of a delusion because it felt real that the crows were following me (they kind of actually were). also because i could SEE them, it made it more real and the feelings more real. a small part of me was saying that it was not real, they weren't 'really' following me, they would not hurt me, etc., but because they followed me two times (flying over my head multiple times as i was walking), it was a lot more real than unreal. so, it was a mix, i guess.

it just was very terrifying and am still confused about it...

[Kiya]

I'm sorry it was so terrifying! These things are confusing... I hope you have a restful night.