[Fuzzybear]

Do you make people "jump through hoops" to see if they are worth trusting?

I've been accused of doing that (not by anybody here) and I didn't much appreciate that comment, but maybe there was some "accuracy" in it

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do you make people "jump through hoops" to see if they are worth trusting?

I've been accused of doing that (not by anybody here) and I didn't much appreciate that comment, but maybe there was some "accuracy" in it

I'm sorry, I'm not a very trusting person myself, it takes months of relating before I can think that I could might trust someone. Also, forcing someone to "jump through hoops" might make them reject me, and I don't handle rejection well.

I would probably be accused of making people jump through hoops to get me to trust them. I certainly don't mean to do that. Its just that it takes me forever to actually trust them.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do you make people "jump through hoops" to see if they are worth trusting?

I've been accused of doing that (not by anybody here) and I didn't much appreciate that comment, but maybe there was some "accuracy" in it

when people tell me this I thank them then remind them that we dont live in a time where a person can just automatically trust people like say back in the 60's and 70's where it was common for people to accept each other with our homes, lives and kids.

we live in the era of the after math of 9\11, homelessness, abuse and crime is daily reported. we live with internet stalking, stolen identity, school shootings, bullying ...everywhere you look read and watch theres something negative going on.

all this causes even normal people to not just automatically walk up to someone and share their life stories, problems, family and life styles with them. It is now perfectly natural for human beings to go according to the saying....trust is not a given its earned.

I take it as a compliment when someone tells me they see I make people jump through hoops to earn my trust. that tells me I have my priorities, boundaries and self respect right where it should be....doing whats best for me and my family and following good safety rules for myself and my family.

its ok fuzzy to be guarded with yourself, your story and your life. its normal

[finding_my_way]

i don't do that. i find that i have a kind of wall up though and if there is any red flag at all, i find it hard to really let anyone in. i really only have family though, no friends and never been in a relationship, so i don't have many people in my everyday life.

i just know i have a difficult time with people on a deeper level because i either feel like i am too messed up or i fear them. i haven't been able to adequately gauge when a person is safe or not as most seem unsafe even just in an emotional way. there is always a part of me that wants to run and hide, so there isn't much testing of people with me.

[dissociative]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do you make people "jump through hoops" to see if they are worth trusting?

I've been accused of doing that (not by anybody here) and I didn't much appreciate that comment, but maybe there was some "accuracy" in it

I'm sure I do, but I don't see anything wrong with that, and it might be common in people who have had hard times of any kind with others.

[Ocean5]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

any red flag at all, i find it hard to really let anyone in.

Same, and it's like I'm always looking for red flags. Looking for the lies. Things that don't add-up.

[Georgia Bridge]

Anyone who would accuse you of that doesn't seem to much care if they hurt you or not and if they said that of me they would land right on my list of "not to be trusted".
Just to accuse someone of that shows that they weren't trustworthy to start with.
I think that we should all be wary and discerning.
So... my answer to your question, Fuzzybear, is ...yea, I make people "jump through hoops".
Depending on the amount of triggering I go through in a given situation, I even sometimes make tests.
( I feel fine about this here post I wrote at the moment, but I can already feel the anxiety surging for having written it... I'm posting it anyway.)

[Shaly78]

u might have to define what you mean by jumping through hoops? Basically, having to trust people as a friend especially a close friend is what I don't need ....It just doesn't serve me well never have. This is as close as people get on sites like this. Now, especially since I've had to talk about what has caused this in me. I was needed and had without really knowing what was involved. That put an anchor in my trust meter. So, I live my life to the best of my ability. I'm just talking about friendships. I may take a little different approach with relationships. I'm single right now but dating I have my trust hampered as well given what I've gone through. I'm cordial but that is about as far as it gets. If I keep you at arms length it is because your not really to get past my test and you ain't talking right. It is the nature of the beast for me.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((Fuzzy Paws)))))))))))))))))))

[magicalprince]

Yes I do. I always end up testing someone like saying "don't get close to me.. If you really knew me you wouldn't accept me" and then they go try me, and I lowball it, and then they accept me, and then I end up testing them again later... :/

[possum220]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do you make people "jump through hoops" to see if they are worth trusting?

I've been accused of doing that (not by anybody here) and I didn't much appreciate that comment, but maybe there was some "accuracy" in it

I don't think this is a conscious decision on my part to test other people. For those people who are closer than most I may ask them a question just to see if I should trust them even further. Kinda like checking the next rung on a rope bridge to see if I will be safe or not.

We all need to make sure things are safe.