What makes you feel confident that you have DID?

If you don't feel completely confident and are struggling with denial, then please disregard my question. I don't want anyone to feel invalidated or to get stressed out thinking on it too much. This question is for people who have reached a point of feeling confident in their diagnosis. I am wondering specifically where that confidence eventually came from. Also, if you experienced strongly questioning the diagnosis, what made you question it?

Below is some background on why I'm asking, if it makes a difference to anyone.

After over a decade of mental health problems (starting at age 15), I have been through several professionals and labels, and I am still as confused and frustrated as I've ever been. Some of these labels have included depression, PTSD, panic attack disorder, bipolar disorder, etc. I have also theorized about me having a personality disorder (BPD, NPD or possibly even covert schizoid). But nothing fits quite right or for longer than 6 months at most throughout my history. I think I was the most accepting about the bipolar labels because mental illness runs heavily in my genes, including mood disorders and even schizophrenia in my family tree.

However the last therapist I saw was convinced that I had DID. To be completely honest I felt like that was completely ridiculous, and it really took me by surprise. Prior to seeing her I didn't even know that DID existed, and the more I read about it, the more I felt like it just couldn't be the case. I felt suspicious of my therapist, felt like she was trying to blame every symptom I had on disassociation or "alters" while I was trying to make a case that it was probably being caused by something else. My therapist treated me like I was just in denial, and it was an extremely flustering experience. I quit seeing her after about 6 months because I started to become very frustrated and angry with her.

My therapist's main reasons for her DID theory were
- History of childhood trauma
- Memory problems and gaps
- A whole slew of anxiety and hypervigilance issues

But I guess I started to just feel overwhelmed and like it was ridiculous when it came to some things. Like when it came to irrational, impulsive behaviors that I didn't understand, she blamed that on alters. When it came to hallucinations, she blamed that on flashbacks from fragments. Etc, etc. Plus, I don't really have different personalities with names, it's not like Matilda the French seamstress pops out or anything. When I found a forum (not this one) at the time for people with DID, everyone had lists of alters with names and everything, and I did not relate to any of that at all.

to me, it's the only thing that has made sense. i also have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, but i never agreed with it. it didn't explain things to me...and i figured it was a catch all diagnosis..but i do have a diagnosis of dissociation (at the moment not sure what my psychiatrist is thinking as she told me that before i talked more in depth about things) which explains things more, and OCD. but knowing i have dissociated since a very young age, having heard their voices and thoughts, having seen them (internally), feeling them when they don't talk/share thoughts, etc. were pretty clear indicators to me something else was going on that certain things could not explain.

the confusion to me though is the variation of things, how things can be stable for a while (even years at times) but then completely crazy at other times (mostly related to things being triggered, some that didn't bother me at some times).

although i still do experience denial with it..i know it is what fits. i have missing parts of memories, missing memories all together (some told to me by family), a history of a lot of trauma (big and small), and clearly my symptoms are all related to trauma..avoidance to not trigger (more), fears, all kinds of things that borderline personality doesn't even touch on..neither does OCD.

but....it just...fits..and makes so much sense. it's just something i know..just like i know i went through traumatic things but don't have all the memories (just the residuals of it all). it has taken me many years to figure certain things out.

Hiya CopperStar,

I was diagnosed with antipersonality disorder in 79, BPD in 83, schizoid in 85, healthiest patient the doctor had ever seen in 92, and schizotypal pd just last month. PTSD, cPTSD, depression, anxiety, alcoholism and drug addiction. Anyway, my point is that diagnosis's are a dime a dozen - you don't like your diagnosis, go see someone else, tell them the same things and get a new one.

While I'm in therapy now, it's the first time in over twenty years and it's the first time I've told the therapist and pdoc that I have DID. They went down a checklist and disregarded it. *shrug* All they did was insure I'm done sharing anything real with them.

I can understand your anger. It's been my experience (ymmv), that every therapist has pet diagnosis's. I was getting the denial thing from my therapist for a bit but now I'm just agreeing with everything he says. It's amazing how much smarter I am in his eyes now.

*chuckles* @ Matilda...

I get it. Look, maybe you have it - maybe you don't. But I do get the not fitting in even in a DID forum. Forty years ago, two alters were the norm. Today, it's something like ten, and a dozen or more aren't uncommon. There have been two of us in here for fifty years and after twenty-seven years of being at each others throats, we made peace and formed team us. Hence the over twenty years without therapy.

My recent reintroduction to therapy is physically based not mental - my primary care provider (state law) isn't able to supply pain killers for chronic conditions unless he has a pdoc that concurs it is necessary. Can't see a pdoc without seeing a therapist.

Hi copperstar, I'm sorry that you are having such difficulties with your diagnosis, or lack of one. Just because one T thinks you are DID is just a matter of professional opinion, and maybe a bit of straw grasping happening there, idk. You can almost twist MI symptoms to fit into any MI mold if you twist hard enough. There are also interviews and tests that can be done to check out your dissociative abilities. You really can't just say "hey, I think you are DID...let's fix it!"

Not all alters are full blown alters (with name, age, gender, etc). Alters can be as simple as holding memory fragments, emotions, or little more developed at many different levels. Alters have a job to do, a reason for being. They also don't all present like another person, they can come across as urges, feelings, impulses, or contribute ideas....

This condition is a tricky one....there is a lot of denial to it, even well into years of rehab one can still have denial...it can feel so unreal at times like "No waaay!" We still have others in denial.

This is such a misunderstood condition...more so than bipolar...and stigma is crazy weird. Hollywood didn't help none....smh.

I don't have an official diagnosis....I don't need one. I knew that I was a multiple when I was about 15 years old where we went into voluntary system wide hiding until our system crashed a year ago....32 years later. When I went and met a T here recent, I told her we can go ahead skip all the diagnosing stuff because I knew, let's start working on it.

Everyone's system is different as you'll see when others start posting, but in mine we're co-conscience... we are aware of each other to a point, but beyond that we have extreme memory issues like I can't remember yesterday or past that because memories stay with the alter that experienced them. That's the same with my "others" (hate the term alters). Everyone is an other here which means I can be outta here in a minute! Lol! We have hundreds of others with 30 or so named ones, so it's not like we are ever stabile, but we work together in co-operation.

We can talk to each other- debate, vote, discuss, collaborate, fight...much like a family does. Another thing we do is we know when an other takes over in a switch. It's quick or slow. We can step back and let an other take over and watch.

With all that said...Looking back at our past life, this condition was the only one that made sense for everything that has happened. Like a key that fits a lock, so for us it's a no brainer.

We just spent the last year getting to know our system and selves, 30 years late.

So, I don't know if that helped any, but hopefully it gives you one example to look at. A few of the other accounts that post on here are classic DID, so they might be able to help you more. I just call us a multiple minus the DX label.

Thank you for the replies so far, I appreciate them. I have just spent so long trying so hard to figure out what is wrong with me (and how to fix it). The DID thing really shook me up and made me very angry, and didn't make any sense to me. I just quit seeing that therapist and didn't want to talk about it or think about it, went and got myself a psychiatrist, who I convinced that I was bipolar (since I had received that label in the past). Been thinking about my biological father lately and for whatever reason that has lead to me thinking about the whole DID thing again, and it's been just bothering me.

Like I have gone most of my life with "characters" in my mind, I think it was a coping mechanism to be less lonely and also to try to talk myself through things. That sort of thing is a lot more active when I am under stress. But I have always known that they are not "real". So the notion by my T that they were "alters" or something just freaked me the hell out and made me really pissed. Still don't know what to think about it, but it's comforting to be able to read how others experience stuff.

For me it is the only thing that makes sense also.
I was misdiagnosed with several things through the years but they just didnt fit.
Then diagnosed with DID and everything fell into place.
Even when i told my brother, he said(about my life) "everything all of a suddn makes sense!" And that he "just knew."

My alters are there as a way to cope with life, hence the many. Alters present as triggered because they are needed. One doesn't need to have "blackouts" in missing time to be a multiple. Our lights are always on, but time and memory is still a *****.

Have you tried journaling? This helps to see what all feelings and opinions you have. The voices of others in my head worked into my thinking...we think through each other in conscious, so it's easy to mistake it all as one entity. We are mind melded. After awhile I noticed that the voices had different timbres and talking styles. Today I can tell when an other steps in because the conscious becomes the next one up. It's totally freaky, but it can be fun!

Try a little journaling and see if you can relate to other threads or research. Who knows.

Hopefully this helps someone, I think my memories before therapy matching them up with the research signs and criteria made me confident. What is in comes out and make who your are. I'm confident with what I remembered from my childhood the behaviors etc to know it is definitely DID....A close 2nd is how much worst it has gotten since the diagnoses.

Not to hijack this thread, tho newday, you feel it's worse now that you got the diagnosis too? Mine seems to be, I had thought that maybe it was because they'd found someone to talk to now.. Tho they are making sessions hard for me with the new t... To the point I wish I'd never found someone that specializes in this problem...

In keeping with the thread, I'm not sure when if ever I will totally accept this diagnosis, I bounce back and forth between accepting and not accepting this.. And even if I never fully accept it, it's still the best way to explain what I've dealt with for over 45 years..

I don't belong in this category at all but as an outsider I can say, from the DID people I have met, the thing people call DID, having separate personalities with names that take turns, as much as it does exist, is just a small part of what DID can be. It has become how DID "should" look like and that is just too bad. In reality it is much more complex and it can take many other shapes.

I had a RL friend since 8 years that I had totally missed she had DID, why? Because she never, ever presented by jumping from one alter to another. Yet she was deeply dissociative and I always thought something was different with her, but my guess was on ADHD. How wrong I was!!!

Everybody inside told me so!

Everyone's system is different. DID/OSDD is all about hiding the trauma and dealing with life on life's terms. To unsuspecting people, they can't see what's happening behind the eyeballs, so it all looks linear and flawless.

In our system, we all have different names, ages, gender, likes and dislikes. We wear the bodies clothes, but I have different prefs in color and for shorts seeing the body would look stupid in a skirt (like that's stopped a few others in private). We get to clear gloss the nails and shave the body a bit. I guess in us it's obvious because we all act and sound different, but to someone unsuspecting??? I mean we gesture, stand, walk, talk, sit, move, posture, expression different.

Sure we are versions of a single person, but for practicality...we are all different. The thing about us is that some of us is somewhat aware, at least the mains are.
So for those people that think they know and try to tell us what a DID person is... they don't. We don't understand how singletons think and they don't understand how multiples think, IMHO. My therapist asked if I wanted to think singularly and I was like I don't know because I don't know.

What hides us though is that we can pass a train of thought sticking to a subject till an other likes got other plans.

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Everyone does have a misconceived notion- Hollywood style which makes everyone tell me that I'm full of ****. It really ticks me off when I'm denied, like when the freshly fired pdoc told me out right that I wasn't and he didn't know my name. Anyone can be ignorant, whatever.

Even my partner tells me that I'm just acting just to mess with her head! lolololol. Whatever, we're getting a divorce anyways.

The nail polish and hairless thing is just part of, I guess. I just ignore it. I've tried fixing it with remover but it always come back everyday so I gave up.

We are a switchaholic...we swap over the littlest things because everything in life is a trigger. Thoughts, sights, sounds, situations, events, memories, people, places, things, enviroment, injuries...etc.

See, I'm still wearing the same clothes and body...no one can tell. Only people that have never met us before can tell, I've noticed that. If they meet an other and get a first impression, than an other comes out on the second meeting, I've seen the looks. I've also heard that "you've never acted this way before..."
Blah blah blah.

Other affected individuals in this forum have different stories because everyones system is different.

I have one that tells me that the t doesn't know when she's out.. So mannerisms must match pretty well. Now if the t does know or not is a whole nother story.. This is something we will have to discuss... If she's gotta keep asking me if I'm me or something... If the other one will lie or not? I don't know... Since she likes to be sneaky I'm thinking she might... This is just so confusing...

Me too. It's like if you have a hammer everything is a nail.
Just treat me like a person. I'm a damned person.