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  #1  
Old Feb 14, 2016, 09:32 PM
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whimsical whimsical is offline
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Hi,
I've been on the forum before, a long time ago. I was wondering what integration is and how it feels to be integrated. It seems that most people on here are working towards that goal, so I would like to learn more about it. I'm 63 years old, and my inner world is complex. In the last two years my child alters have been telling their stories in therapy, but they are still very much alive and separate from me. I still hear them argue and play together. I don't lose very much time anymore and I can usually remember what I lost by asking inside. The older kids and adults have also grown up with me. I don't have any idea how it would be not to have them there! I've been asked if I want to integrate and I honestly can't answer. Maybe if I knew a little more I could make a good decision. Thanks for any help, Whimsical
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yagr

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  #2  
Old Feb 14, 2016, 09:39 PM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
Hi,
I've been on the forum before, a long time ago. I was wondering what integration is and how it feels to be integrated. It seems that most people on here are working towards that goal, so I would like to learn more about it. I'm 63 years old, and my inner world is complex. In the last two years my child alters have been telling their stories in therapy, but they are still very much alive and separate from me. I still hear them argue and play together. I don't lose very much time anymore and I can usually remember what I lost by asking inside. The older kids and adults have also grown up with me. I don't have any idea how it would be not to have them there! I've been asked if I want to integrate and I honestly can't answer. Maybe if I knew a little more I could make a good decision. Thanks for any help, Whimsical
different locations have different definitions for things like this... here is a very good write up that is what my own location and treatment providers go by...

Understanding Integration | Sidran.org

but short version my location believes integration is the healing process from the moment someone begins working on their problems all the way through to when the body born person and the alters have allbecome one whole person again.

to find out how your location and treatment providers in your own location define integration as being you will need to contact your own treatment providers or a treatment provider in your own location.
Thanks for this!
whimsical
  #3  
Old Feb 14, 2016, 09:52 PM
yagr yagr is offline
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I can't help much, if at all, but as a fifty year old, we might be the oldest two in this forum. I mention that because my first reaction to your thread title was the single word answer, "Death." For myself, after so many years separate, integration engenders feelings of loss that can only be compared to someone dying (to me). Good luck in your journey.
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Thanks for this!
whimsical
  #4  
Old Feb 15, 2016, 12:14 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Integration..to me sounds like all of the parts of us working together. No one being left behind. Everyone being in the same boat working toward the same destination.

With me, I believe the other parts of me thought that they would not be needed once they were realized. I believe that is not the case whatsoever. I believe they were born from necessity and have a purpose and agenda. Integrating them only means that they are in the same boat with you. It means that they do not have to preform mutiny. Everyone is in agreement and trusts the one in charge.

I'm 51 myself and it's taken me a bit to figure this out. It doesn't make it easier to do it, but it does seem more rational if you think of it this way.
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yagr
Thanks for this!
kecanoe, whimsical
  #5  
Old Feb 15, 2016, 03:41 PM
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Shaly78 Shaly78 is offline
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I would think integration is not people pleasing so the less arguing the better...Sure there will be always outside situations that hampered your decision making process that caused you to seem like the arguing and indecisiveness of others worst. I would think letting go of the past and making decision from the here and now....I think memories always have a chance of revealing themselves, but integration in my mind is the calming cohesiveness of living life. I don't think no switch is required either that is totally separate the fact that you don't lose much time now is great indicator that you are almost there. Yes, there are things people that may cause you to become unglued, in my mind that is just temporary set back.....This last sentence happened to me not too long ago....I think it is mostly about keeping yourself well all parts doing what they need to do, picking battles, and losing toxic people...If I was you I would work on arguing from your littles......There will always be emerging alters from the past and the present that make them selves known quickly, although I read it should slow up considerably. I think the inner dialoguing conversations should be at a minimal and very quiet just like a whisper.......I would require executive switches if their role to be something instead of a co hosting or co running roles, too me it makes it confusing...I'm not integrated this is just my idea of how it should be....That may change later on....I would not rush it though because that could leave a false sense of reality in your wellness....I also think therapy should cease or if not there yet once per month like prn maintenance therapy ..... I'm not sure where that leaves your co- morbid diagnoses, but I would think there should be significant reduction of that as well.....The reoccurring emotions and parts should be minimal unless something really bad happens.
Thanks for this!
whimsical
  #6  
Old Feb 16, 2016, 07:28 AM
Anonymous48690
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Shelly: hey sweets, it seems that a system can be integrated (to bring together...merge into one)- to be made whole as a singleton (normal) or a system can work in co-operation with each other (instead of conflict, individual lives).

I too can't imagine being a singleton....what will we end up as? We've all types and we're all equal, but with different jobs to do.

If it weren't for the memory problems I wouldn't be too bothered.
Thanks for this!
whimsical
  #7  
Old Feb 20, 2016, 07:50 PM
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whimsical whimsical is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yagr View Post
I can't help much, if at all, but as a fifty year old, we might be the oldest two in this forum. I mention that because my first reaction to your thread title was the single word answer, "Death." For myself, after so many years separate, integration engenders feelings of loss that can only be compared to someone dying (to me). Good luck in your journey.
Yes! That's what it means to me too. I really appreciate your answer. I think after much thought, I've decided to continue on my path and accept whatever happens. I can't bear the thought of losing any part of me.
  #8  
Old Feb 20, 2016, 07:53 PM
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whimsical whimsical is offline
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Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2 View Post
Shelly: hey sweets, it seems that a system can be integrated (to bring together...merge into one)- to be made whole as a singleton (normal) or a system can work in co-operation with each other (instead of conflict, individual lives).

I too can't imagine being a singleton....what will we end up as? We've all types and we're all equal, but with different jobs to do.

If it weren't for the memory problems I wouldn't be too bothered.
I agree. I'm glad I posted this. I can't imagine a life without my inside family. So, for now, I'll continue doing what I can to make co-operation happen.
  #9  
Old Feb 20, 2016, 08:29 PM
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whimsical whimsical is offline
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Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
different locations have different definitions for things like this... here is a very good write up that is what my own location and treatment providers go by...

Understanding Integration | Sidran.org

but short version my location believes integration is the healing process from the moment someone begins working on their problems all the way through to when the body born person and the alters have allbecome one whole person again.

to find out how your location and treatment providers in your own location define integration as being you will need to contact your own treatment providers or a treatment provider in your own location.
Thanks so much for this article! I read it and I have a much greater understanding of what integration is. As I understood it, it's more about acceptance than anything else. I think I'm on the right track with that. Maybe with time I'll be able to look back and see where I've fully accepted all of the aspects of myself and they have become a part of who I am. Again, thank you for suggesting this great resource. whimsical
  #10  
Old Feb 20, 2016, 10:03 PM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
Thanks so much for this article! I read it and I have a much greater understanding of what integration is. As I understood it, it's more about acceptance than anything else. I think I'm on the right track with that. Maybe with time I'll be able to look back and see where I've fully accepted all of the aspects of myself and they have become a part of who I am. Again, thank you for suggesting this great resource. whimsical
glad it has helped and I also would like to share the thanks with alwayschanging. this link first appeared in one of their posts on integration in the recent months.. I too found alwayschangings link informative.
  #11  
Old Feb 20, 2016, 11:56 PM
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Karen: I really don't want integration. I'm finally accepting how and what I am and want to make the best of it with confidence and finality.
  #12  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 01:06 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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not really losing anyone - combining into one like facets in a diamond
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What Is Integration?
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #13  
Old Feb 23, 2016, 09:02 PM
Anonymous48690
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not really losing anyone - combining into one like facets in a diamond
Karen: But I like myself... I dont want anyone to ruin it.
  #14  
Old Mar 03, 2016, 12:21 PM
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phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2 View Post
Karen: But I like myself... I dont want anyone to ruin it.
well there are always options - if you work well together and can function well - ............ is there a need to integrate?

depends on the situation and who wants what .....

for me it always comes back to - are we the dreamer or the dream
far too hard to nail down and set in stone

each person/s are different and so is their situation - some may want to integrate - cease - or amalgamate ....

what ever works I guess
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
What Is Integration?
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #15  
Old Mar 04, 2016, 08:05 AM
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flockpride flockpride is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
Hi,
I've been on the forum before, a long time ago. I was wondering what integration is and how it feels to be integrated. It seems that most people on here are working towards that goal, so I would like to learn more about it. I'm 63 years old, and my inner world is complex. In the last two years my child alters have been telling their stories in therapy, but they are still very much alive and separate from me. I still hear them argue and play together. I don't lose very much time anymore and I can usually remember what I lost by asking inside. The older kids and adults have also grown up with me. I don't have any idea how it would be not to have them there! I've been asked if I want to integrate and I honestly can't answer. Maybe if I knew a little more I could make a good decision. Thanks for any help, Whimsical
Ok. You're gonna hear about care providers and diagnostic stuff, but a lot of that is mostly to support the insurance process. Integration is different for different people. There isn't one clear definition of this in reality. People might want there to be, but there isn't. And what experts say will inevitably change again and again.

Here's what I know. Integration is not a destination. It's a process. And you don't have to seek it. Are you happy? Are you functioning in a way that satisfies you? Are you comfortable with your parts being more separate in your experience? There is no right answer. And "integration" is not superior to living with parts that can function well together. For some folks living with parts that can function well together is integration.

I have read definitions on line that talk about all the parts blending into one personality. If we step back it's a matter of degree. I doubt a person who has lived and developed with DID can ever not be aware of parts. We won't wake up one day as if none of this happened. For me stress brings more separation to my experience of the parts. I've been this way for decades and from the beginning, so for me integration means more awareness of as many parts as possible and for those parts to work together, not against each other. That's my integration.
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