[lucidity11]

How am I supposed to feel about my son saying he could kill me if he thought he had to? WTF is that. Yes he has a mental disorder but how much am I supposed to put up with. At first I was hurt than angry than filled with anxiety. Now I feel sad, and pushing back against feeling grief. All I want to do right now is run away. Just pack a small bag and disappear. Why not???? Other than my sister I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't just move to another state or country. I sometimes wish I didn't know I am DID. Now I question everything. I think I will go take my meds.

Omg that was just awful of him to say such mean words. How hold is he? Is he in therapy? Does he mean it? Can you like send him away?

I would be devastated and freaking out myself. I know some of the Others wouldn't stand for such talk from an offspring. I can tell some of the Others are mad at it right now.

Anyhow, out of my head I go, what does his father say of any of this?

How about you, are you okay? Is there another part that provokes your son?

I miss not knowing that I'm a fragmented mess, blindlessly doing our day to day chores without recognition, everyone not wanting to be found out.

I hope that things are better for you and that your son quits talk/thinking that way.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

How am I supposed to feel about my son saying he could kill me if he thought he had to? WTF is that. Yes he has a mental disorder but how much am I supposed to put up with. At first I was hurt than angry than filled with anxiety. Now I feel sad, and pushing back against feeling grief. All I want to do right now is run away. Just pack a small bag and disappear. Why not???? Other than my sister I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't just move to another state or country. I sometimes wish I didn't know I am DID. Now I question everything. I think I will go take my meds.

Kids do say terrible things to their parents when upset or angry. Why not talk this over with your therapist?

Is your son ever included in your therapy sessions or do you ever ahve family sessions? This might be helpful as any mental illness affects every family member and there can be great resentment and anger and displaced blame all around. Most of us can use help dealing with our feelings related to these interfamiliar mental health problems. I think that may make you feel ebtter about this. In the mean time take care and dont balme yourself. Your son is likely struggling also. Try and understand that people can get so upset they say really mean and awful things.

On the other hand, if you think there is any chance your son is capable of trying to kill you and might actually act on this, then that is a whole other matter. In either case, please bring this up with your therapist.

Hugs to you and your son. Life is tough and we have to be tougher.

[lucidity11]

I am sorry I should have mentioned he is 33 years old. He has had problems since he was young. It has just reached a point where I am unable to help him because he doesn't think he has a problem. He did go to a therapist two weeks ago, I don't know if he is still going. If he is he hasn't gotten anymore insightful. In fact he has been only meaner. His dad was never a part of his life. He is very smart but gets lost in his delusions. I think he may be manic depressive with delusions but Ill never know. He has two boys. My grandsons. During the last argument he said it might be a good idea to not let me see the boys. That and all the other things have become too much. He has to figure out his own life and who he wants to be as a man, father and son.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I am sorry I should have mentioned he is 33 years old. He has had problems since he was young. It has just reached a point where I am unable to help him because he doesn't think he has a problem. He did go to a therapist two weeks ago, I don't know if he is still going. If he is he hasn't gotten anymore insightful. In fact he has been only meaner. His dad was never a part of his life. He is very smart but gets lost in his delusions. I think he may be manic depressive with delusions but Ill never know. He has two boys. My grandsons. During the last argument he said it might be a good idea to not let me see the boys. That and all the other things have become too much. He has to figure out his own life and who he wants to be as a man, father and son.

I think you have a good understanding of him and at this point in time, given your son's age, it is you that you need to care for and be kind to. You are right about him needing to figure out his own life.

Take care now.

[Luce]

Keep yourself safe, Lucidity.