[confusedbyself]

Ok,, I can feel that I am in a level of disassociation because I have even noticed that specific sounds my phone is set to make so I know who is calling/texting I don't even recognize. I don't get much except notification of purchase delivery or things like that, but I set a specific sound for my t's texts and have always known them within the first second of the sound starting and the last few days I notice that I haven't even recognized the sound until the very end or even when I see the name. I also feel the distance from the world and other stuff but there is something really strange the last few days that I have never noticed before.

It is like these crazy thoughts or images pop in my head that have NOTHING to do with what I am thinking about (if I am thinking about something). The best way to explain is with an example. I am EXTREMELY depressed right now and just in that place where I just want to steer into black space. Sometimes my brain will think about things, mostly related to what I think about myself or what is going on with my t right now, but all of a sudden yesterday I had this ridiculous image pop into my head about taking a terracotta pot (for plants) and putting a washer and screw through the hole in the bottom and being able to screw it to a tree and the pot would stay on the tree.. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

That is just one of the examples of the craziest things that are popping in. It might be a crazy thought, or image and only lasts a second and might even come in the middle of something I was thinking about and I don't even realize it happened until a moment after it is gone.

I feel like my brain has a cord with a short in it that keeps throwing these completely unrational 'things' in there. They don't have meaning, and are completely unrelated to ANYTHING as far as I can tell. I don't know if this is part of the disassociation (I am not sure where I stand on the disassociation spectrum... I do know I have fragmented parts but not sure if it goes completely to DID or not, but I do hear things from those parts and sometimes they do want me to say things to my t so bad and seem to scream things at me but I have never noticed anything like this with them. I have also 'separated from the world at time where it feels the world is outside some type of thick almost magnetic fog,,, so maybe this is part of this spectrum I am not familiar with) or if I am about to have an absolute complete break with reality here. I am actually getting more then a bit scared.

Has anyone else felt like their brain had a short (another way to explain might be like watching a tv program and all of a sudden a part of a commercial from another channel would flash an image or a couple second video and then your right back to your regular program as if nothing just happened). Help, is my brain about to short out completely????????????? kinda more then a little scared by these new things.

[Shaly78]

Towards the beginning, I know most people just want to make it better. Consult with your pdoc if medicine are a what you want then take them. If your more curious and you BUY into memories trying to figure things out dissociation the spectrum then you might want to explore and do research on what is happening until you get a firm diagnoses. If I don't want those images I call up a present self, for me alter or host if around. I make sure I'm grounded to the present naming five things in a room, if there is no choice I work with what is happening, journal is also helpful. It is a difference in wanting to make it better and curiosity.

I'm sorry that you are feeling that way hon, but I really don't know what to say. I looked at your bio, but it doesn't say much.

The only thing that I think of that can affect a person like the way you describe it can maybe be psychosis through bipolar, Skitzophrenia, or any other mental disorder. They kinda remind me of intrusive thoughts. Dissociation is a common symptom of many other mental disorders.

I myself do also get thoughts from Others, but they usually pertain to a life event that's within the frame of reality- not saying that yours aren't---I don't know.

With DP/DR, reality testing stays intact....things just don't feel real.

I hope you get help and get better.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Hi confusedbymyself
First a little vocab lesson..not trying to be rude or berating i anyway. I simply have a quirky vocab pet peeve.. Dissociation-1The action of disconnecting or separating or the state of being disconnected:
we in the West honour a long-standing dissociation between church and state
More example sentences Synonyms
1.1 Chemistry The splitting of a molecule into smaller molecules, atoms, or ions, especially by a reversible process.
Example sentences
1.2 Psychiatry Separation of normally related mental processes, resulting in one group functioning independently from the rest, leading in extreme cases to disorders such as multiple personality:
[COUNT NOUN]: the dissociations that one can observe in neuropsychological patients -cite oxford dictionary

Dissassociate- trans verb ' to seperate from association. -cite meriam webster.

Online dictionaries dont do well to accurately explain the difference and also the info online is often user posted and inaccurate. If you were to look it up online, majority views these words as interchangable, but the correct psychiatric term is Dissociate/Dissociation. Disassociate/disissacociati to my knowledge describes a concious seperation/ purposeful and thought out withdrawl from being connected to an affliation. Does that make sense? I hope so.
Sorry about starting off this post with that..... I am a bit compulsive about some things
As to the symptoms you are describing.. the fog, dream, oddness of surroundings is symptomatic of derealization. Like all dissociation, this many be indicitive of a DD, an attribute of another condition, psychological, neurological, or physical in nature...or if only happen on occasion or in small bouts and doesnt disturb your daily functioning or place you in harm...it is probably normal.. Most ppl exp. DR/DP symptoms at least once in their lives, most occasionally. Sometimes it has no real known cause, but can usually be traced to causes such as, mild dehydration, overtiredness, stress, and lack of vitamins/nutrients.. I call this "wakinglife brain fog"...not to be confused w/ neuro brainfog*
As far as the chatter in your head goes, I get this from time to time. As far as what causes it... heres how i have experienced "voices" and internal chatter, and what i believe causes different types i hear. Known voices of other parts "alters" (i dont like that word because it insinuates that there is a true or primary core and rest are secondary), in DID/ unspecified Dissociative Disorder, the fragmentation of personality happens young before the idea of self identity is formed so IMO the true self identity is the whole combination of all parts, intergrated and or coconcious/ incooperation. Sometimes this can begin to happen naturally as more parts become aware of realities of both inner and outer world, but usually it requires a lot of exploration and theraputic work. Can you differenciate between the voices, are they familar as in feeling being part of you? What do they talk about? Do they speak to each other or directly to you? If to each other are they commenting on your actions or speaking about you and what is going on outside? If they speak directly to you, are they demanding you do or say something that you do not want to do?...just some ponderings, for you to discuss w/ your therapist and here as well if you want. Voices that are demanding, negative or running commentary are usually more indictive of depressive/ psychotic type stuff. Voices that talk about random stuff to each other that is more like overhearing someone elses conversation that doesnt relate to or harm you in anyway except being noisey and distracting from keeping train of thought is more like some of what some folks with aDD might describe..but there are other reasons as well and i dont think it is actually included in any DD criteria, but seems to happen the more aware those of us w/ a DD become of our inner worlds. There are may other reasons for chattering voices as well.

I am most intrigued by the flashing images you describe. Idk if maybe your descriptive language just differs from mine or if this is something that i have never heard described quite how you put it... Ptsd, DD, Schitzophrenic spectrum disorders, and other pysch, phys, and neuro issues can involve visual flashes, in ptsd they are usualky flashback related, in DDs they maybe repressed memories, but some sense of familiarity deja vu maybe wpuld most likely be felt, or if true DID, other parts thoughts and memories...you wouldnt generally be aware if them idt. You may experences interuptions "breaks" in your own train of thought but it would be more like a mini brain blackout than a channel change. I have heard folks w/ schitzophrenic spect. Dis. describe flashing "movie" "tv" like images but they usually say they are projected outside on the wall or ceilings, windows etc... and usually they speak of know who is showing them these images or that the images have some sort of running theme...the only thing i can connect for myself of what you speak of is "sleep paralysis" or vivid dreaming. Dreams are often random images that dont always make clear sense and my jump from one situation to another, when you are asleep and become aware of this usually u are in someway a part of the dreams. When this happens to me it is sleep parylasis. Aware but can control, wake up, move, stuck. Clear thoughts trying to get the brain to signal to the body to wake up, open eyes, move, but as hard as i try can not get body to work. I know that there are many reasons for this but i havent studied much somatic or sleep disorders in depth although i do know i suffer from them but still need to complete neuro imaging and a sleep study to rule out other causation. I have not really ever experienced these types of images while awake except a couple of times in prolonged insomina sleep depravation.. so idk, but im certainly interested in hearing further descriptions from you. These are just some of my thoughts exps and personal research..I am not a Dr. So cant really say. I would talk to ur T and Pdoc about them and push for neuro psych testing refferal tho bc I think that ruling out brain trauma, and neuro/physical causation asap is important and can hopefully narrow down and or disclude serious stuff like cancers, tumors, dementia/ degenedegene scary stuff. Keep writing and hope u get to the botyom of the matter soon.

[confusedbyself]

I think I got confusing in my post. I already know I dis..... (you know) and to me that generally takes the form of heavy zoning out, feeling like I have a fog bubble that the world is outside of and it takes lot of work for me to try to stay 'in' it or listen to people and extremely difficult to answer if I need to. There is also derealization at times.. these are already part of what I have discussed with t along with the 'voices' which I think I made out wrong in my original post because I wasn't focusing on that and just using it as background (the voices aren't like audible, there are just known thoughts and 'hearing' of things that want out of me to the person I am talking to because I am able to stay in control for the most part but know I'm not alone in here as I can even see what some look like (I'm not sure where fragmentation and DID draws the line, so I am currently diagnosed with PTSD w/diss.....).

What I was really looking at with this thread was the strange things that have started happening this last week and I think I might have been incorrect in explaining them also. They are tiny short things that just seem to jump in the middle of something I am thinking or even pop in my mind watching tv or something like that. Just like you would normally think about any topic, but these have no barrinig to life as far as I am concerned (yes, I understand flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I have both but all that stuff is associated with my life).

That's why I gave the example of the terracata pot. I was just thinking about something and then all of a sudden I had this image and thought of using a washer and screws inside the hole in the post to be able to secure it to a tree. OK, why? where? what? I don't plant. I wasn't thinking about it or anything even related to it. It just popped in and out, having no relationship to anything, anywhere in my life. It was gone as fast as it came and my original train of thought continued. I barely even noticed it and then when I did I realized that I think it has been happening rarely but repeatedly lately.

At the moment, they are not bothersome except in how bizarre they are and in wondering what could be causing such a phenomenom. ......... ok, it just happened.. I am typing this and all of a sudden my brain thinks of train tracks and then its gone. Nothing happened, nothing going on to trigger anything strange (my past issues have NOTHING to do with trains or terracotta pots, so I know its not flashbacks...those come with horrible images I know about). I seriously feel like a short wire in my brain that just lets these thoughts or images slip into the thought path for a second. I don't know, it is really freaky is all I can say and wish it made sense to somebody.

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

I think I got confusing in my post. I already know I dis..... (you know) and to me that generally takes the form of heavy zoning out, feeling like I have a fog bubble that the world is outside of and it takes lot of work for me to try to stay 'in' it or listen to people and extremely difficult to answer if I need to. There is also derealization at times.. these are already part of what I have discussed with t along with the 'voices' which I think I made out wrong in my original post because I wasn't focusing on that and just using it as background (the voices aren't like audible, there are just known thoughts and 'hearing' of things that want out of me to the person I am talking to because I am able to stay in control for the most part but know I'm not alone in here as I can even see what some look like (I'm not sure where fragmentation and DID draws the line, so I am currently diagnosed with PTSD w/diss.....).

What I was really looking at with this thread was the strange things that have started happening this last week and I think I might have been incorrect in explaining them also. They are tiny short things that just seem to jump in the middle of something I am thinking or even pop in my mind watching tv or something like that. Just like you would normally think about any topic, but these have no barrinig to life as far as I am concerned (yes, I understand flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I have both but all that stuff is associated with my life).

That's why I gave the example of the terracata pot. I was just thinking about something and then all of a sudden I had this image and thought of using a washer and screws inside the hole in the post to be able to secure it to a tree. OK, why? where? what? I don't plant. I wasn't thinking about it or anything even related to it. It just popped in and out, having no relationship to anything, anywhere in my life. It was gone as fast as it came and my original train of thought continued. I barely even noticed it and then when I did I realized that I think it has been happening rarely but repeatedly lately.

At the moment, they are not bothersome except in how bizarre they are and in wondering what could be causing such a phenomenom. ......... ok, it just happened.. I am typing this and all of a sudden my brain thinks of train tracks and then its gone. Nothing happened, nothing going on to trigger anything strange (my past issues have NOTHING to do with trains or terracotta pots, so I know its not flashbacks...those come with horrible images I know about). I seriously feel like a short wire in my brain that just lets these thoughts or images slip into the thought path for a second. I don't know, it is really freaky is all I can say and wish it made sense to somebody.

Thanks for that extra explaining. I'm sorry, but I cant really relate to what you are saying. Everyones different, so maybe another person can relate and offer more support then I can. I know we aren't going crazy. Maybe there is a physical trigger? Are you on any psych meds like an anti-psychotic? I tried APs and they didn't do a thing for me except make me take a nap.

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Thanks for that extra explaining. I'm sorry, but I cant really relate to what you are saying. Everyones different, so maybe another person can relate and offer more support then I can. I know we aren't going crazy. Maybe there is a physical trigger? Are you on any psych meds like an anti-psychotic? I tried APs and they didn't do a thing for me except make me take a nap.

not on anything other then Xanax when super needed. I am under extra stress, really depressed and don't want to contact my t because he is away for a while and I DO NOT want to bother him (I have a hard time texting him anyway and hate doing it at all and right now he is doing important things right now which is also greatly decreasing our session for the rest of this month.) I know it is causing issues with me but this seems just to strange to be connected.

Thanks for the response AlwaysChanging2

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

not on anything other then Xanax when super needed. I am under extra stress, really depressed and don't want to contact my t because he is away for a while and I DO NOT want to bother him (I have a hard time texting him anyway and hate doing it at all and right now he is doing important things right now which is also greatly decreasing our session for the rest of this month.) I know it is causing issues with me but this seems just to strange to be connected.

Thanks for the response AlwaysChanging2

Personally....me myself would fire the azzwhole. My perspective is that they work for me because I'm the cash buckett. Just saying.

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Personally....me myself would fire the azzwhole. My perspective is that they work for me because I'm the cash buckett. Just saying.

no,no AlwaysChanging2... you misunderstood me. It is vacation and just kinda split up awkwardly. He is WONDERFUL!!!!!

[just2b]

This happens to me. I will be watching tv or driving or doing some ordinary task and a comment or thought will enter that is way off what I am doing. For instance I was with my kids walking in a parking lot, and suddenly I hear so what are we going to be for Halloween? What? It's summer! It was the end of May beginning of June. Sometimes it's a thought or something like a scene from some tv show. Sometimes it's just a statement... Coffee is so dark and hot. Very strange things at times. Just my experience.

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by just2b

This happens to me. I will be watching tv or driving or doing some ordinary task and a comment or thought will enter that is way off what I am doing. For instance I was with my kids walking in a parking lot, and suddenly I hear so what are we going to be for Halloween? What? It's summer! It was the end of May beginning of June. Sometimes it's a thought or something like a scene from some tv show. Sometimes it's just a statement... Coffee is so dark and hot. Very strange things at times. Just my experience.

oh thank you, thank you just2b.... so glad to hear somebody else does that. That sounds very much like what is going on. Stray thoughts are normal part of everyones life I believe, but they typically have some bearing on current life...... thinking about what's for dinner at 8 in the morning, or a sporadic thought about something you watched on tv recently, or something that connects to something else going on.....

These things however are like you said... completely out of relation to ANYTHING in current life. just like your example of a thought of Halloween in the middle of summer... I could see that as what's happening to me, like I might see a carved pumpkin on a porch in a flash, and then its gone with no other thought or connection.

so very very strange, but thanks for responding with your experiences.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

I think I got confusing in my post. I already know I dis..... (you know) and to me that generally takes the form of heavy zoning out, feeling like I have a fog bubble that the world is outside of and it takes lot of work for me to try to stay 'in' it or listen to people and extremely difficult to answer if I need to. There is also derealization at times.. these are already part of what I have discussed with t along with the 'voices' which I think I made out wrong in my original post because I wasn't focusing on that and just using it as background (the voices aren't like audible, there are just known thoughts and 'hearing' of things that want out of me to the person I am talking to because I am able to stay in control for the most part but know I'm not alone in here as I can even see what some look like (I'm not sure where fragmentation and DID draws the line, so I am currently diagnosed with PTSD w/diss.....).

What I was really looking at with this thread was the strange things that have started happening this last week and I think I might have been incorrect in explaining them also. They are tiny short things that just seem to jump in the middle of something I am thinking or even pop in my mind watching tv or something like that. Just like you would normally think about any topic, but these have no barrinig to life as far as I am concerned (yes, I understand flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I have both but all that stuff is associated with my life).

That's why I gave the example of the terracata pot. I was just thinking about something and then all of a sudden I had this image and thought of using a washer and screws inside the hole in the post to be able to secure it to a tree. OK, why? where? what? I don't plant. I wasn't thinking about it or anything even related to it. It just popped in and out, having no relationship to anything, anywhere in my life. It was gone as fast as it came and my original train of thought continued. I barely even noticed it and then when I did I realized that I think it has been happening rarely but repeatedly lately.

At the moment, they are not bothersome except in how bizarre they are and in wondering what could be causing such a phenomenom. ......... ok, it just happened.. I am typing this and all of a sudden my brain thinks of train tracks and then its gone. Nothing happened, nothing going on to trigger anything strange (my past issues have NOTHING to do with trains or terracotta pots, so I know its not flashbacks...those come with horrible images I know about). I seriously feel like a short wire in my brain that just lets these thoughts or images slip into the thought path for a second. I don't know, it is really freaky is all I can say and wish it made sense to somebody.

Thanx 4 explaining I just read ur OP and my Vicki's response. sorry u got the vocabulary lecture lol I get em all the freaking time..So Annoying! Newayz... I totally get what ur sayin I can't do nething w/o sum kinda interuption. Grr. The random pic thing. Yup me too! Still weird but I sumtimes if I think real hard... I am like oh yea..I randomly did walk by sum guy puttin up a tree planter in his yard! Cept I never seen a pot planter, using what u said... but same kinda stuff. One time I was talkin to a friend on the phone n outta nowhere, a dumpster. Yup gross smelly open full dumpster in my head. Freaked me out soon much, I rushed out gg n hung up. Bugged me for weeks. Kept thinkin all sorts of mean stuff about myself n my friend. Then I decided to walk a back way to my Ts office that I almost never go....and bam..there it was up against a wall nxt 2 the sketchy spa place that is totally ******** house or sumthin..the gross smelly dumpster! Xactly like I saw in my hd!! Asked T bout it. If it ment nething.like personal bout my feelings or whatever, not she asked me if stuff like that happened b4 or again n I said yea but mostly jus when I'm spacin out n it's sum weird thing but nothin thing too..like a cup or a seashell..so I don't think much bout it. She told me it's prob. nothin important. Jus that ppl see so much stuff all the time n don't even know it, but the brain is a weird wanderer..n catches wayyy more than we know..then it jus floats around up there til sumthin reminds it of sumthin that reminds them of the pic. I guess it's like sum info overload..brain gets all backt up n too hot like when u don't clean ur comp cache up for too long n then it freezes and jumps to strange pgs... like u press back 2 manyxs n nothin happens then it goes all wylly n stops on sum random meme u 4got bout from a wk ago. She said sleep more n less stuff like TV n Internet b4 bed. But I gotta go get my brain scanned in the fall or winter too so maybe she was jus trying to b nice n not freak me out that I might have brain damage or sumthin!! guess jus gotta wait n see. Now I'm giggling cuz this hole convo jus reminded me of fight Club n the movie editin thing.