questions: dissociative disorders version #2

2 depressed to really worry about anything.
tough question:

did you do anything with your mother on mothers day, or is it too painfull for you and you just left it?

I just left it. Actually in the end of the day I tried to call but she did not answer and I did not leave a message. I feel guilty and broken. Like if I had somehow found a way to be the perfect daughter she wanted none of this would have happened.

My birthday is tomorrow, a few days after mother's day here. She always complained that I was born a few days too late and deprived her of her first mother's day. I was disappointing before I even made it out, I guess.

Do you like having a birthday (birthdays, if there are more than one)? What do you do to make the day go by? Do you tell anyone?

happy early birthday!

we have 3 birthdays, but we choose not to celebrate any of them.

for us, it's a guilt trip about the things we've not done, or the goals we've not met, or the time wasted, rather than a celebration of life

for us, all it means is you're now a diffrent number, and we try to spend the day like we would any other day

we don't do special breakfasts, we don't do gifts, we don't have a cake- and no, no one knows when our birthdays are

do you eat a lot of cerial?

Well I didn't used to....and then scaredandconfused introduced me to mini wheats.....

Have you ever met someone from PC in person?

No. No online person has introduced me to any food.



Do you currently have a building project?

no.

not me

no I don't

do your littles enjoy fairytales, or prefer well-known tv programmes (winnie the pooh for example)

Fairytales and Winnie the Pooh but tv programs not so much

Do you associate with any particular flower, animal etc?

I don't think so.

still trying to work out how to find your spirit animal though. that would be cool

i'm guessing mine would either be a rabit or a budgie.

or maybe a cat. I don't really know

do you ever doubt your diagnoses of DID?

Yes. Quite a lot. Maybe more than I believe it.
Does your therapist want to know the name of whichever part is present?

She usually asks who she's speaking to if she's not sure, but it's not necessary.

Have you ever lost time and when you came to, found yourself in an extremely awkward situation?

Yes, I came to once in a Scientology church. i got out of there real quick.

Do you prefer beaches or mountains? Or something else?

Definitely mountains. I dislike beaches and love hiking through mountains, although I'm not a huge fan of altitude sickness.

Top 3 favourite books that come to mind?

Narnia.

The Stranger in The Mirror

The Body Keeps The Score

Do you have things that you enjoy doing and are good at that are not there sometimes? Like you don't know how to do it or you have absolutely no interest in it?

i think so. I can play several instruments but sometimes I forget how to play. I have to wait until i remember again. sometimes when I forget if I move my fingers over the strings the memory comes back to them and they can play on their own. Sometimes the music comes and sometimes it doesn't.
I find the same with art. I am not artistic at all but sometimes I produce some very interesting pieces, pieces that amaze me. Several times other people have shown me things I made for them - a hand painted card or a framed painting - and they say I made it, but I have no memory of creating the image, or even a memory of the image at all. But they swear I made it for them. Art works also decorate my home.
I tried to show my therapist some images on my phone at my last therapy session but I forgot how to use my phone.

I forgot to add a question!
Do you have a friend?

I grew up in a hellish life and just wanted a normal life when I was grown. I'm 60 and am slowly realizing that I will never have the life I wanted, the life I thought I had. My son is clinically delusional, he hates me. He's told me he's never loved me. He physically attacked me and now I have moved out of state because I don't trust him but even more difficult I can't help him. I don't see my grandchildren. Their mother doesn't want anything to do with me. And I'm not even sure it would be good for my grandsons to see me given how their father thinks about me. It's only now that I am having to really sum up what my life is. I want to run further away but that's not the answer. I think I have to start redefining my life going forward but I have no idea what I want. Maybe a relationship and maybe not. I think I feel sadness and heartache but at the same time I feel nothing. But my dog has to poop so I guess I should get up and walk him. Thank god for my dog.

That is very interesting. I identify with that. There are times I know I've done beautiful artwork but I seem so disconnected from it. I try to draw or paint and stare at the page and can't seem to make anything well. But I did some photo collages recently that turned out stunning. I've been talking to Sire about art and found out he really enjoys it. I was in a strange frame of mind when I was doing them, and used an editing program he likes to use. I've been wondering if he was behind those projects.
It sounds like your artist wants to remain anonymous to your T and made you forget.

I have a very wonderful friend who is a friend to several of us. I thank God for her everyday, and I'm sure I'd have slid completely off my rocker over the last couple years if it weren't for her just listening to me in all my strangeness.

Do you have a friend among your alters/insiders?

No. Definitely not.

What are your toppings of choice on pizza?

I know this is controversial but I love pineapple on my pizza. Preferably with some pig-derived meat on there too, ham/sausage/bacon/pepperoni/salami/whatever

Do you like to take walks? Describe your favorite place to walk?

I like to walk on the walkway by the ocean. preferably when it is a miserable rainy day and the sea is wild and all the other people are at home keeping warm and dry!

Do you have a soft toy?

Yes. We have a stuffed bunny that we take everywhere we're staying overnight.

What's your comfort food/drink of choice?

drink is doctor pepper

food is usually a choice between jelly beans or quality street chocolate.

have you ever lost time for longer than a few days in 1 go?

Yes. Anywhere from a few days to weeks, but that was more in the past.

What would your ideal career be?

a vet.

(I can't stand those animal abuse adverts), and would love to help the animals

question: have you ever been found out?, (that is to say, someone said to you, I think you're DID), and if so, how did you react to it?

No never. Have you ever suspected someone else of having DID?