questions: dissociative disorders version #2

no I don't have children.

as well as the mental health side of things (namely I can't look after myself, so why would I be able to look after children?) I really don't have the patience for them. I mean they are cute, but they are also so annoying and their crying just sends me over the edge, and that's just other people's children... just, no!

no chance

most of the time I just let it happen, as it's all I can do.

do you know your IQ?

Average IQ.....Same question what is the IQ?

I have no idea.

I imagine not very high though, seeing as I didn't even get past primary school.

what is the weather doing today?.

It is a nice springlike temperature (warmish but a cool breeze) and overcast. I love this weather but for some reason overcast lighting always gives me a migraine, so I am kind of grouchy and hoping either the clouds will go away or it will rain properly.

If you could pick any piece of art to hang on your wall, what would it be?

what is my IQ with in average range. sometimes this amazes me every time I see it on my psychiatric evaluations reports. IQ testing is a standard part of diagnosing mental disorders /psychiatric evaluations. the reason why it amazes me is because sometimes I dont give myself credit for knowing all that I do.

tip for those wanting to know what their IQ is, check with your treatment providers. they will have it on your files as part of the intake and any psych evals you may have taken will also have this listed.

I would get the Mona Lisa (the real one) then i would sell it and get really really rich!!
If you could buy any one thing in the world what would you buy?

if money was no object?

i'd probably buy myself a share in KFC since it is my fave fast food, ever!
question: when you lose time, but you just can't remember what happened (no matter how you try), how do you accept that that time frame is just gone, and not coming back.

If money was no object then might I suggest buying all of KFC, not just a share?

As to your question regarding time loss: We have a good deal of co-consciousness so I can sometimes ask for and get a debriefing, so one could say that the request is me not accepting that the time is gone, but if I don't get an answer, yeah, I let it go. You didn't ask but it seems germane to mention that accepting came with trust. I trust those who took front and center stage (although it certainly wasn't always the case) and so that makes it easier to accept the missing time.

What is the last thing that you or an alter/part bought for another alter/part?

Last Thursday was a very hard and triggering therapy session and afterwards I bought a tiger stuffy for a little one and a warm coat for a trauma part who was cold. it was really helpful so i will probably do it again when needed.

About the time loss I have recently had flashes of memory from a period of several years in adulthood that have been a total blank for me so I do believe it is possible to recall it probably not everything though.

Do you think you will need to be in therapy for a long time?

To be honest, I'm not sure that I need to be in therapy now, but I enjoy it. I'm not saying that I don't have issues, but I fake normal extraordinarily well and overall I probably have a better handle on 'happy' than most.

I mean, four years ago I came down with a particularly nasty auto-immune disease that is untreatable, incurable, and causes chronic pain. I couldn't work for two years until I was put on pain meds and spent two years living without water or heat...still don't have running water. We've moved seven times because we couldn't afford to stay any longer, I've had five heart attacks in the last four years, my wife has relapsed on drugs four times, and I'm dying...got a couple of years at most. And for the most part, I'm a happy guy. I like therapy and my therapist; I enjoy doing the work on me because it always ends up that I'm happier long term when I do it. But if I stopped? I dunno - suspect I'd still be happy.

So, on that note, what brings out your happy:

Sonseearae: Bunnies!
Me (Angel): Writing.
Lori: Black...black anything.
Micah: Storybook time!
NoOne: Not being needed...sleeping.

I feel like I'm on the verge/cliff of a freedom for a vey bound part of me.

I have been here before but it's not been as intense. I'm not sure what to expect when this part of me is unburdened.

It could be freedom or another part coming forward asking for freedom.

I don't know.

My parts like music and songs. It gives them strength and courage.

Do yours?

[QUOTE=yagr;5740848]To be honest, I'm not sure that I need to be in therapy now, but I enjoy it. I'm not saying that I don't have issues, but I fake normal extraordinarily well and overall I probably have a better handle on 'happy' than most.

I mean, four years ago I came down with a particularly nasty auto-immune disease that is untreatable, incurable, and causes chronic pain. I couldn't work for two years until I was put on pain meds and spent two years living without water or heat...still don't have running water. We've moved seven times because we couldn't afford to stay any longer, I've had five heart attacks in the last four years, my wife has relapsed on drugs four times, and I'm dying...got a couple of years at most. And for the most part, I'm a happy guy. I like therapy and my therapist; I enjoy doing the work on me because it always ends up that I'm happier long term when I do it. But if I stopped? I dunno - suspect I'd still be happy.

So, on that note, what brings out your happy:

Sonseearae: Bunnies!
Me (Angel): Writing.
Lori: Black...black anything.
Micah: Storybook time!
NoOne: Not

(((Hugs))) friend.

Music and songs also brings strength and courage to some parts but for others music and songs are too much to bare.

Did you do well at school or was it very hard for you?
Ugh.That is very black and white.
WHat was your experience of education like?

My experience of education was frustrating. I did alright, only because I did everything to bend the rules and create my own framework that worked for my strange circumstances, in every degree level. Professors either loved me or hated me for this. Nothing in the middle . If I had gone by the proper deadlines and requirements I would have done very poorly, probably would have dropped out.

I and my teachers also couldn't understand why some days I was very competent and other days it was like I'd never encountered the subject before. I didn't get my diagnosis until well after I finished school. It makes more sense now.

What would you rather be doing right at this moment?

At work drinking coffee.......

Can I answer that question too above? School was hard for us some our traumas was with children and adults daycare in our younger years, so it might have played a number on what happened to us in school. It was like all smiles great student until 11 years old when the incest got to us it became in the family type crap, older brother, boundaries mom, to invasive gyno when the cycle stopped because of stress progressed on to more detailed reenactment with the younger brother. Also a Mexican guy to boot being in the wrong place at the wrong time basically. Kids aren't the kind that ask how is home so they see us repeating and calling out alters for their dumbness whether they knew or not.....For us we ain't get diagnosed until in our 30's.......

Hope scholarship in high school 3.0 those four years under grad 2.5 and grad school 2.9 before we ain't finish grad school though....It was okay not genius so I feel some type of way when folks calls us experts on topics we had virtually no help with mostly google and forums such as this. It make sense though with unlocking gifts I wondered if certain ones hadn't got in the others way might would have done a little better in school those years. I don't think in fact there is research to debunk that anyway some are not genius's. When you understand the symptoms cognition with PTSD and also with DID them you understand how that information is distributed. To me the creativity is mostly for the memories how you remember things with whom and what the symbolism also it can be useless clutter because some alter could learn instead of holding on to other memories...

Do you constantly have to change supports as you grow regarding therapy? Do you constantly get ahead of your therapist or does she usually get snagged with memory narrative exposure? Let's face it aren't going to read together that would be purely allow a child to run your life...You can't just stop at the dissociation you are reading all of it case studies research and everything, right at least at some point on the journey?

I want to answer the school question too.

it was hard for us, mainly because we kept having to be taken out and go to hospital, and when we were ready, the school wouldn't take us back because we'd missed so much work.

their were parts of our short time we did enjoy (for example we liked assembly, and we really liked history)

eventually though, what happens happens, and we left without a single qualification

(we wanted to add something to our answer, but we can't remember what it was!). shame because it feels important

to the question above, we've never had much luck with therapists, since our family (who doubled as our abusers) kept sending them off, and giving them reasons not to work with us.

now we're away from them though with our 9th (9th) attempt at a therapist, we can only see how it goes, I suppose.

question: to those who are no longer in contact with their abuser/ abusers, how did you get away?. how did it all stop for you.

They are my family too. The major abusers I told directly that the relationship was over. Before I did this, I changed all my registration, address, contact info, insurance, anything that they might know details about and use to get a hold of me. They have mostly respected my wishes and not contacted me. I do know that I've been disinherited.

The others that I did not directly confront, they were abusive but less so, have stopped contacting me on their own because they are on the side of the major abusers.

So much of the contact abruptly ended with only financial implications. Once in a while when one of the minor abusers contacts me it brings up very difficult emotions for me.

I am lucky the major abusers have not attempted anything drastic. I had nightmares that they would find me and hurt me for a long time.

When you meet a person, do you associate things like colors or textures or sounds with them?

for me, when I meet someone, rather associating them with textures and sounds, I associate them with past experiences

example: the name lisa is my mother's name and she was an abuser.

so now when ever I see a lisa, or meet a lisa I think.. right, her name's lisa, stay away.

or maybe michelle.. I might say last time I met someone called michelle, she shouted at me and was angry towards me- so now I meet another michelle, she's going to be the same (maybe she is, maybe she isn't), but that's how I see it.

I do associate smells with names though.

like for example, my grandmother beryl always wore this lavender perfume, so now when ever I meet a beryl, I imagine she will wear it too (and I can smell it, even though she might not be wearing it at the time)

this is how it goes for me, and from my point of view it's sort of natural it happens that way.

question: what would be your first peace of advice you give to someone just diagnosed with D.I.D

Don't be afraid! You are strong and brave or you would not be here.

It's ok. It may be really confusing and scary. You may even actually feel like you are coming undone.

You are not coming undone. You know the truth now and the pieces can come together. You aren't coming undone, you are coming together.

It may take quite a bit of time, work and patience with yourself and the people around you.

Find a safe place where you can sort all this out. Be gentle with yourself. You have suffered much and you need to be kind to yourself.

That is what I would say to someone else and to me. I'm not diagnosed with DID but I do feel that I am on the spectrum.

Question.

What do you do with the bad dreams? The ones that wake you up, thanking God that it was only a dream?

My T taught me a trick for when the bad dream has people or things in it that are attacking me. He told me to yell "get out of my dream!"

It took me a few dreams to remember during the dream that I should say it. And then making the words was very hard and slow. But it works-- it ends the dream. It usually wakes me up, too, because it turns out that I am actually yelling it for real.

What is your favorite scent?

Lavender and peppermint essential oils mixed together. I find it really calming.

How old do you feel compared to your physical age? How many years younger or how many years older?

I love those essential oils. I don't like the artificial versions of them. They give me a headache.

My favorite scent is a mixture of jasmine, gardenia and hyacinth. It's hard to pick a favorite from those three. I only like the natural scent of them.

Your question was actually in my mind just a bit ago. The oldest part of me feels 12 except for the Runner who actually feels like my age now or a few years younger than me.

Do you have a dream for yourself after the pieces come together? Do you have something that you imagine in your heart that would feel safe and you might feel content?

to answer the questions in order:
scent- lavender

age- about 200 (I guess it's due to poor physical health mainly)

and no, no dream.

maybe we used too, but not anymore. life's taken too much from us.

do you accept compliments well?