...... it's been shown to me by the psychologist I'd been seeing, that I dissociate. (wouldn't see it for myself.... guess I was worried-- had to live up to my own expectations and so I tried to cover it up all the time).... anwyay.....

I now have a part time job and when I work(this one is about the least anxiety producing one I've ever had) I think maybe my anxiety causes me to dissociate.....

Here's what happened...... last week I passed a guy in the hall and he said "Hi Mandy"..... I was shocked, as I had NO idea who this man was and how he knew my name-- I managed to get out "Hello"...... but not his name--- I DON'T KNOW him....... I don't know how he knows me-- I was so embarassed.

So, I was wondering..... I've heard this happening when one has DID-- but can it just happen with dissociating? and what should I do...... I'm so scared, I'm sure I'll "run into" this guy again..... I'm confused and feeling ah- "dumb" and I don't like that feeling....

mandy ps- not that others that dissociate are "dumb"-- that's just me and how I feel when I should know something and I don't.

Gee, the next day and no replies.

I feared I shouldn't have posted here.........

it's just...I was so hoping that someone would have something to say, support/advice....... I've never ever stayed at a job long -- anxiety and feeling bad when I don't remember something that I should know-- either person or event or task.......

I really really had hope that maybe-- finally-- I could turn this around and figure out how to deal with it instead of running........

*sigh*..... I'm sorry that I intruded..... I shouldn't have came here..... I knew I didn't belong...

mandy

[Gemstone]

(((( Mandy )))))

I don't know if it can happen with just dissociation, but it probably can. I know how frustrating it feels to have that happen.

You haven't intruded, and you do belong.

[pegasus]

Hello mandyfins,

I read your post yesterday and meant to leave a note to you saying that I would think about what youv'e said and get back to you.

ok, well stress can do alsorts of things and make us worry. My difficulty in answering your post depends on whether you have been diagnosed with DID or not.

Anxiety in itself can make us panic at the slightest thing said and depression can make us feel worthless too.

Going back to your orignal post, yes, many a time I've had someone speak to me about something that I can't remember at the time. I then assure myself that there must be a part of me that knows what this person is talking about. I don't worry about that so much now.

Stick with your T on this and he will help you.

And you are welcome here in the DID forum.

Oh thank you for replying Gemstone--

Yes, dissociating can be frustrating and disorienting and also sometimes frightening.

you're kind to say I haven't intruded and that I belong........ thank you. I think I feel this way most times.......

Thank you again - Gemstone-

Thank you also Pegasus for replying, I appreciate it.

I have heard how stress can do some wild things to someone, when in the midst of the situation. Not sure if my dissociating is due JUST to stress though, all I know is I get upset when I'm trying to keep a job or make a point with someone, and have no recollection of something-- that others are saying I should have.

About six months after I started with this past therapist-- he actually asked me, as I was talking about an acquintance of mine that is DID-- my T. asked me-- "Are YOU DID also?".... and I replied, "No, I'm not"..... nothing was ever said about that again. It took another six months for him to see and get me to see that I dissociate.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
assure myself that there must be a part of me that knows what this person is talking about. I don't worry about that so much now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that's nice that you've been able to deal with that in such a way.
I've always been so worried-- either I feel people are trying to con me by making me feel I "missed" something, or, I also fear that I won't be "aware" of something when I really need to be. It's upsetting to me-- and was difficult to do this thread/post..... feeling way too exposed and vulnerable I don't usually talk about these things.

Oh and also-- just FYI-- I quit with my T. in January-- went back once in June. I only email him now, asking quick questions--nothing very involved.

Thank you also for the "welcome"....... it will be hard though to convince myself of that...

Pegasus-

mandy

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome mandyfins. Of course you are not intruding and I am glad you are here. I am sorry I didn't reply sooner but I guess I wasn't sure what to write and maybe should have said just that and you wouldn't have felt that you were not being supported.

It sounds like you were dx with DID by a previous t. If you would like to corraborate that dx you may want to get an opinion of someone who is qualified and can get a lot more information to base their dx. I am sorry you are feeling such distress over what is happening. It can be very concerning when you can't remember things that everyone has said happened. I am sorry I don't have a suggestion for this other than I understand and am here to be by you.

Welcome again.

BB

[silver_queen]

Hi mandyfins, I often get the same thing when people know me and call me by my name and expect me to know them, when I have absolutely no idea who they are and if I've met them before. So like you I just smile and say hello back and hope I don't look too puzzled. If you are ever expected to know more about them, you could always say you've forgotten their name and they might prompt you, and hopefully say how they know you too.

[January]

Hi Mandy,

I posted to this thread last night, but apparently my post got lost.

Anyway, of course you belong here. You are most welcome here.

I disassociate at times and I couldn't remember a person's name I met during that time if I had to do it. Don't stress about not recognizing the person. If you meet him again, say hi and just keep going.

Hugs,

Jan

You are always so kind here bipolar_bear-- thank you.

I am having a hard time-- what with family relationships and this other stuff I'm trying to cope/deal with......

I suppose going back to therapy might be an option-- but I've just been informed by the T. I'd been seeing that he's not taking any new clients or those wanting to re-enter into therapy-- he's just going to work with the ones he has now as he will soon retire....... and ........ well...... therapy has been BEYOND difficult for me ...... just don't feel I have the emotional energy to start over-- not to mention the cost!

I think I'll just fade away, like I'm used to doing.....

I do thank you for your reply, it's much appreciated.

mandy

I appreciate your reply silverqueen--thank you.

Somehow it's comforting to hear that someone else does this too. It's a good idea you had about saying that I've forgotten their name and how do they know me........ i think I'm just getting tired....... tired of being confused...... tired of feeling I missed something.....
just tired......

thank you for replying-- it means a lot to me.

mandy

Hi Jan,

thank you for replying. I'm thinking that a lot of people dissociate at inopportune times..... like I said to silverqueen-- I think maybe I'm just getting tired of it, and thought I'd reach out here.........

You've all been kind to reply to me here and I appreciate that.

take care

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Only just saw this. I also fear I ""should"" not post here. No words, just support.

And hey mandy, you belong here and everywhere... its me who doesn't belong anywhere, ok?

mandyfins

((( Fuzzy )))

((( All who feel unwelcome )))

It saddens me that you both (and others) feel you shouldn't post here. This is part of the reason I stopped posting. It seemed no matter how much I tried to reassure people they were welcome, hurt feelings from past incidences tend to linger.

To answer your question Mandy, yes. It can happen. Maybe you should just tell the guy you are horrible with names...or ask someone else that works there.

[Fuzzybear]

And it SUCKS that you've stopped posting here...

Sorry that sounds selffish. However, freedom of speech is NOT allowed, especially for fuzzy bears

(((((((((( Petunia )))))))))))

don't give up, mandyfins

[Fuzzybear]

I wish I was a good person like you

[Fuzzybear]

(((((( Mandy ))))))

I do relate to what you said but as I hate myself so much its probably just cause I'm "stupid"???

thank you for your replies Fuzzy.

I'm puzzled how you think you don't "belong"--- why, there are so many posts to you in kudos-- many many people know you and care about you. I know I can't say that--not that I'm feeling sorry for myself-- just speaking the truth.

You are very much cared about here and I think that is a wonderful thing. Please try to not be so hard on yourself.... I know it's easier said than done-- maybe you're in a situation like I am-- my IRL relationships are abusive and I'm trying hard to change/distance them in hopes to be able to pickup the shreds of myself that are often strewn all over the floor.....

Such inner-turmoil today--
I caught myself driving AWAY from my work, instead of towards work-- don't know WHAT I was thinking!

Anyway, you are valued in my view-- hope you know that.

Fuzzy--

mandy-- ps-- hope you are feeling a bit better today-- sorry it took me a couple days to reply.

Thank you Tunia for your reply. Oops--I'm sorry I brought up that I feel I don't belong-- really don't wish to bring down the atmosphere here--- I should be careful what I say.

Yes, why didn't I think of that! I could ask the receptionist-- she knows EVERYONE! thank you, thank you!
Saw that guy again today, he said, "Hi Mandy, how's it going?" and then he put his arm around me-- yikes!!-- this stranger- touching me!! I've got to find out who he is for sure!..... going to get right on that-- thanks so much.

Tunia-

mandy

Esthersvirtue-- you are always so sweet and kind.

Thank you.

-- I'll try to not give up..... it's just too overwhelming sometimes -- those negative "voices" in my head can be so dominating.... as they mirror those around me in my 3-D world.......

esthersvirtue-

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

The bit about the negative "voices" inside my head which can be so dominating and mirroring those in theeD world, I completely relate. Sending you much support and care.
(btw my keyboard is broken and doesn't type some numbers)

(About the feelings of not belonging, I guess it's something I've had lurking around somewhere for most of my life)

Like esthersvirtue said, please don't give up, and you are valued here, I really feel that is true.