[Solnutty]

guess we're going to quit drinking. I'm ambivalent about that. I feel like I'm the one who should pick up that chip. Maybe I will. This is Sire. Solnutty is only a mote of consciousness at the moment, and probably won't remember this. I like to drink and be in front. She is easier to push off at times like these. She has some kind of freakish ability to hold on to the eyes. It's rare when we can be truly separate. I enjoy the time without her. Not because I have any animosity towards her, I just like to feel like myself. To be. I was about to say I'm going to miss this relaxation (of having a beer), but I'd rather say I hope I don't. She tells me there are better things. I suppose I know better, but I don't know different. It's hard for me to take hold of those "positive coping skills." Doesn't feel natural. All of us tend to reach for what we know--whether it be drinking or overworking or whatever feels good to us. I can't say I don't agree with everything she says about why we ought to go sober, I just don't want to give up this reliable form of relief. And I know, T has said and I have seen it myself-alcohol messes with our medication. We might find ourselves depressed and sluggish tomorrow. I hate to do that to her. I'm not sure what to do instead.

We've try to quit drinking often... (had that thought this morning), but it takes just one of us to get us drunk.

Why we drink? It takes the edge off of knowing, blocks out the others, and de-stresses.

Once we start drinking....we switch and everyone wants to have a taste....talk about having black outs.

Sometimes one beer and then blackout chalked up to time loss.

Sometimes we can drive...daze out, come to drinking a beer holding a 12 pack. :/

Sad to say....the only way we can quit is if life forces us all to quit under threat of jail like a d.w.i., so greater luck to you.

We've got a bunch of desire chips....we can't relate...I can't relate to anybody in the meeting rooms....there needs to be a AA for Multiples!

But good luck for you....you can do it!

Keep us posted on progress....we can use the inspiration.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

guess we're going to quit drinking. I'm ambivalent about that. I feel like I'm the one who should pick up that chip. Maybe I will. This is Sire. Solnutty is only a mote of consciousness at the moment, and probably won't remember this. I like to drink and be in front. She is easier to push off at times like these. She has some kind of freakish ability to hold on to the eyes. It's rare when we can be truly separate. I enjoy the time without her. Not because I have any animosity towards her, I just like to feel like myself. To be. I was about to say I'm going to miss this relaxation (of having a beer), but I'd rather say I hope I don't. She tells me there are better things. I suppose I know better, but I don't know different. It's hard for me to take hold of those "positive coping skills." Doesn't feel natural. All of us tend to reach for what we know--whether it be drinking or overworking or whatever feels good to us. I can't say I don't agree with everything she says about why we ought to go sober, I just don't want to give up this reliable form of relief. And I know, T has said and I have seen it myself-alcohol messes with our medication. We might find ourselves depressed and sluggish tomorrow. I hate to do that to her. I'm not sure what to do instead.

I'm going to appear to go a bit off topic here but I will bring it back around - promise. Anyway, congratulations on your decision. I am an alcoholic/addict who celebrated twenty-five years clean and sober on May 25th so I know the challenges. But here's were I diverge...

My wife spent twenty-five years in prison - from fifteen years old to forty. I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say, 'at fifteen years old you are old enough to know the difference between right and wrong'. The title of this thread says it all though and it is frequently the sentiment that I've shared with those people.

Knowing something is wrong, and having the skills to know what a healthy alternative is, are two different things. I knew drinking and drugs were wrong for me long before I quit, but I didn't have any healthy coping skills to replace their usage with. Sooner or later, the stress would become too great and something had to give. I knew drinking and drugs weren't a good solution, but it was the only one I had.

I wish you the very best on your endeavor and if I can offer any support or assistance, my PM box is open.

[finding_my_way]

it is always easier to hold on to the coping skill you have even if it is harmful than it is to try to learn new healthy coping skills to replace them.

i used to cope in two harmful ways (self harm and eating disorder). for the first few months/years, they helped but then morphed into more of an addiction than anything. i found it so hard to deal with them but was stuck in the horrible cycles they caused. it took me several years (and appropriate help) to learn how to manage them so they were not what i ran to (also because the eating disorder nearly took my life/caused me to take my life, so there was not much choice there but to try to manage it). they were really more harmful, and i had a love/hate (more hate) relationship with them. i can remember when i would resist the urges and literally would shake because they were so intense. it was horrible.

i am so much happier years later now that they are not a part of my everyday life. i have been able to grow so much more without having them hinder things.

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

it is always easier to hold on to the coping skill you have even if it is harmful than it is to try to learn new healthy coping skills to replace them.
...they helped but then morphed into more of an addiction than anything. i found it so hard to deal with them but was stuck in the horrible cycles they caused.
...they were really more harmful, and i had a love/hate (more hate) relationship with them. i can remember when i would resist the urges and literally would shake because they were so intense. it was horrible.

i am so much happier years later now that they are not a part of my everyday life. i have been able to grow so much more without having them hinder things.

Thank you for this. Together we carry other addictions for which this has been our experience.

[TrailRunner14]

I share your weight.

I use beer as a numbing factor. I don't drink to get drunk, I use it to take me to the point that I can not be there if things are not good.

I also have eating issues. I don't really understand them. When I was younger it was more serious. These days it's more of just not wanting to eat.

May I just say that I understand on some level and it gives me courage to hear you.

Addictions are distractions from what I need to face. Simple to say, but hard to wrap my mind around.

[Solnutty]

Sire here. I went and picked up that chip at Solnutty's Celebrate Recovery meeting. Our good friend even came along for support. It was good. I got a lot out of the meeting. I am extremely glad I did that. I even shared with the group.
We've been torn about talking about our dx, but we decided we don't need to. I came forward and talked--it was awkward to use Sol's name of course, but we have realized that most people are going to register the changes of personality as changes of mood. They don't know us at all outside the meeting. And if it proves to be confusing for listeners, so what? It was so good to have support, and listen to others talk about similar struggles. It makes me feel...real. So I'm going to go back. Thanks all, for your support. It is so strange for me to have contact with others outside the system. I've been so cloistered. But this forum and that meeting are safe places, and these are the closest things I've ever experienced to having a group of friends. Like a blind man seeing color for the first time, I didn't realize that being heard and hearing others could help so much. I'm kind of getting something of what T is trying to teach us about attachment and trust.
Maybe I will even learn to reach out for help with my pain instead of just dwelling on it and drinking I can't see those colors right now, but I have something to hope for. And, I want to pick up my next chip.