I have no and want of no friends. My mouth utters a lot of sayings that just happens...and a quick glance around to play it off because I is ever present and aware at once....
How does a person truly live this away?

No control of mind, body and thought yet aware?

I would try to say bye cruel world but there is always resistance and a stop.

I am helpless.

Sorry to OP...off subject.

I always feel like I’m watching life go by as a bystander.

Got this nasty cold, too much mucus and miserable.

The other day the guys mercy killed a hurt possum at work and the littles almost cried out. I didn’t think that we could do such a thing...but as they said, it had to be done.

in a lot of chronic pain.

I showered today but that's my limit

rest of the day's just gonna be tv and trying to feel greatful I made it through another week.

still in a lot of chronic pain.

getting dressed today was an absolute nightmare and I lost my patience with my back on several ocasions (I know, I'm so bad!)

music on now and just chilling. probably should do something and make the most of the day... but do what, exactly.

it's not like I really want to do anything

yesterday I ordered takeout from the newly opened pizza place. it was nice, I had meat feast with chicken wings

after dinner I watched WWE main event (most of it was good, though I wasn't too kean on the last part)

discovered a new group yesterday called bts (and a new type of music, K-POP) which I think is awesome.

sleep didn't happen for me yesterday and nor did rest

chronic pain not letting up at all and back's really stiff

not much to do today... watch a bit of tv I missed last week (if I can be bothered), and cook something for dinner.

ffeel okay, just the pain sucks. it really, really sucks

[dlantern]

Tooday there is a fight within about how those pushed too soon always end up struggling with superiority. I think though in the end some things are really are too soon too much. I am checking in with that a raw up close way to think about stardom and fame.

yesterday I was listening to someone on blah therapy who had bipolar and she was telling me that no one understands her and she's sick of people judging her.

I told her I don't do that kind of thing and we got to talking about celebrities with bipolar and what an inspiration they were

she then asked me what my coping methods were and I told her I like to journal, to listen to music, and to watch cartoons.

she goes... you're 25 and you like cartoons?

and diss connected

so the fact I'm too old for cartoons is more important than being understood.... okay. personally I will always watch cartoons, no matter what anyone says.

I am feeling depressed today because.... well... it is a regular, boring day

and when I say regular and boring, it doesn't even cut it

their is nothing happening today. it's almost like this day wasn't meant to be in the calendar or something

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

yesterday I was listening to someone on blah therapy who had bipolar and she was telling me that no one understands her and she's sick of people judging her.

I told her I don't do that kind of thing and we got to talking about celebrities with bipolar and what an inspiration they were

she then asked me what my coping methods were and I told her I like to journal, to listen to music, and to watch cartoons.

she goes... you're 25 and you like cartoons?

and diss connected

so the fact I'm too old for cartoons is more important than being understood.... okay. personally I will always watch cartoons, no matter what anyone says.

I am feeling depressed today because.... well... it is a regular, boring day

and when I say regular and boring, it doesn't even cut it

their is nothing happening today. it's almost like this day wasn't meant to be in the calendar or something

Hugs for you Raging vortex. I have had the same reaction about watching cartoons from other people. I found a fantastic way that stops that judgement.. I say "I like cartoons, did you know that when cartoons first were made they were not made for children and with children in mind? if you look up the history of cartoons you will find that they were actually for adult entertainment first before they were for children, and I can see why, they are great for advertizing a product in commercials, and distracting adults from their stressful day and got to admit they are quite funny how they take real life situations and poke a bit of fun at them. makes those daily chores a bit easier to handle."

this usually gets the other person to admit they too sometimes watch cartoons but didnt want to admit it because they didnt want to seem childish.

Its ok raging vortex to like cartoons and you enjoy them all you want. I do. you are not alone. lol

Dealing with parts that want off meds that think we are not bipolar. May also be that being caged as a singleton kept us down and out.

today an old friend came to visit me which was nice. she baught me some more lipstick (red lipstick). I also got a delivery from my friend sophie. she ordered me an amazon alexa, because she knows how much I like music. I've been having a lot of fun this afternoon exploring it's many features (I still have to email her and thank her for the gift)

The last few nights now I’ve heard parts discussing, conspiring and planning getting off meds. My pillbox is in disarray and the desire to take them is dwindling. I guess we are going to be med free here soon.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

yesterday I was listening to someone on blah therapy who had bipolar and she was telling me that no one understands her and she's sick of people judging her.

I told her I don't do that kind of thing and we got to talking about celebrities with bipolar and what an inspiration they were

she then asked me what my coping methods were and I told her I like to journal, to listen to music, and to watch cartoons.

she goes... you're 25 and you like cartoons?

and diss connected

so the fact I'm too old for cartoons is more important than being understood.... okay. personally I will always watch cartoons, no matter what anyone says.

I am feeling depressed today because.... well... it is a regular, boring day

and when I say regular and boring, it doesn't even cut it

their is nothing happening today. it's almost like this day wasn't meant to be in the calendar or something

Eff them. I watch cartoons and prefer them over the mayhem of modern day.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, raging vortex I love cartoons as well! It's an hobby like many others. Don't listen to what other people say! Keep watching them, a lot of people do after all, like this thread has shown. You're definitely not alone in this. Sending many hugs to everyone

most of my time's been taken up exploring my new amazon alexa (which can also explain why I've not been here as much). I love it, my friend sophie sent it to me and so far I'm really enjoying it

I also got some new red lipstick this week. it's a really brite red and looks really nice on me.

I've had a low appetite this week because.. well, I don't know. I just have. maybe it's just because my days are so dull and depressing, or maybe it's because my cooking is just geting worse (I actually vote the latter)

I've also not been sleeping, but that's not really news

today it has been snowing all day- and it's been really nice (I love the snow)

I've been having some greif with my alexa and that's been making a little depressed/ angry (actually I want some stuff I can't have because I don't have a phone that supports the alexa app).
I struggle with that, because for me when it comes to owning something, it's using it for all it's intended purposes, or nothing at all
I had takeout pizza today which was nice (even though it was filling, too filling for me)

no sleep last night. partly because of the imsomnia but also it was too hot. heating was turned up way too loud.

seems this weather has 1 drawback

you either are too cold or too hot

their's no in between

I feel mainly blah.

so I ate, so what. I came on the forum so what, I listened to music, so what

everything is just "so what"

I don't really care about anything today

[Amyjay]

We have had a great deal of trouble sleeping lately and it took some time to realize that some dissociated memories were near the surface. The full flashbacks came through today and now I can make sense of some dissociative experiences we've been struggling with. I don't retain the emotional impact of them which is good. Now that it's come through I hope we can get more sleep now because after only having a couple disturbed hours every night for a couple weeks now we are shattered.

all the snow's melted today.

I must say, I am a little disappointed, because I was hoping it would last a little longer (I love the snow)

it feels like a summer day today with all the sun and the briteness. I don't like it.

not really anything that needs doing today so guess I'm just going to chill

still feel about as blah as yesterday

I've have litirally felt void of emotion all day

feel so low that the word "low" doesn't cut it

[Fuzzybear]

It is not nice. They do not follow the NICE guidelines. They are not nice.

Ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

About freaking out. Been waiting weeks for my new debit card in the mail because the old one went missing wondering why hasn’t it come yet. Found it in a pile of mail from last week

I finally went to set online payment access to an iPhone loan company web site for passwords and security questions....it opened up already made and I have no idea what the password is let alone anything else.

Keys, clothes, tools, drinks disappearing and reappearing, days and weeks flying by...I swear I have these micro missing moments that strobe constantly throughout the day always chasing something that just went missing...usually thoughts and stuff.

I’m going crazy....living in a daze....

And here I thought that I wasn’t abby normal.

[Fuzzybear]

Normal blech I’m nowhere near that. If I beat myself up about that all the time I’d be “doing worse than i am”

Hugs to anyone who accepts hugs

(Sorry If this is in “the wrong place” .... it’s been a weird day

I was thinking of posting something else but my censor is on

today I got out to the shop to buy myself some doctor pepper

plus side: I have doctor pepper, and me and fizzy should never be parted

bad side: it's no sugar, but I guess I can let it slide- doctor pepper is doctor pepper, right?

(and I've not had any for ages.)