so i gonna try to quit smoking (DID related)

I actually was supposed to quit today but that failed miserably for me. I think I am sitting here smoking cigarette number eight today. Yeah, I know. I tried a few months ago and I made it about a week before I flipped out and ended up getting drunk (and I'm not much of a drinker as a whole) and chain smoking a pack or something like that.

Right now, I'm stuck in a headspace where I feel like I might be one or more of five different people. I'm so freakin lost right now and beyond squirrel-y. I know part of it is from being sick (I get even more flip flopy as a whole when the body gets sick). I now part of this is that I saw my mother yesterday. Part of it is routine change. I'm thinking part of it is also trying to quit smoking in the middle of it. Oh and I'm hormonal to boot. Seriously, fml. Agh.

I'm trying to not be hard on myself and call this a failure. I'm going back and forth a lot about if I should or should not try again tomorrow. I keep reading things like "You should not try to quit smoking when depressed, anxious, stressed, in the middle of tough life circumstances, blah blah blah". Well, if I wait for that stuff to end, I'll be waiting forever. There's always something. I don't know if me being hesitant about quitting tomorrow is me being a pansy ***** and trying to skip out of quitting or me practicing self care.

I tried to get in to see my doc who will give me a script for those patches. She made me mad when I called her last week because after all her fussing about quitting when I've seen her before she won't get me in before three months. Like are you for real lady? She won't even call me in a script to the pharmacy. Urg. I might just take her up on the three months as a back up though. I don't want to wait three months, I want to do this now, but it looks like now is not working so great for me. I also called a quit hotline thing that sends you free stuff but they want you to talk on the phone with them twenty minutes a day. Phone sets me off so I refused to agree to those terms. I know... I'm being hard headed... I just don't want to break my phone when I get so mad I throw it... and I get like that when I try to quit.

Anyway, long story short...

I was wondering if any of you ever quit smoking (or anything really) and how it impacted you as a system.

I haven't attempted to quit smoking yet, but I have been working on staying sober from alcohol and drugs. Early on (12 years ago?), I had only been diagnosed DID for a couple years, and I started going to AA. I never really spoke about the DID at that point with anybody, even my sponsor.

I had times, where I dissociated and the other personality purchased alcohol, drank and I came back around while drunk. I decided it was a relapse for me because the substance entered my body, BUT I would start justifying allowing myself to keep going once the other personality had started.

When I started having more communication thru therapy and journaling, we as a system came up with some ground rules. Mainly, I was the only one who could purchase the alcohol and I was the only one who could start. If I decided it was time to try to get sober again, no one could drink unless I gave permission. I had to enlist my protectors to help with this. If anyone attempted to enter a liquor store, other than me, they took over. Also, if I went in one, they would try to talk me out of it, which did actually work a few times. With AA, there is a lot of emphasis of being held accountable, and I basically put that in place within the system as well.

Also, a side note... to cut down on how much I smoke, I put an age limit on it within the system. I had found that some of the younger alters (13/14) would smoke an entire pack in a couple hours, if no one was paying attention, so I made a rule where the alter has to be 17 to smoke, and asked the protectors to keep an eye on the younger ones with that.

After awhile, everyone just got used to it all, and there weren't any issues anymore.

I quit smoking a few years ago, it was really hard and it took quite a few tries over several years before I gave it up for good. I had given up for days or weeks or months at a time before and always struggled hugely with cravings and no self-control etc and "suddenly" finding cigarettes in my possession again.
It got to the point where I was really gentle with myself about it, knowing that I ultimately did want to give up for good and knowing that giving up is a process and most people who quit "give up" at least several times before they give up for real. So instead of quitting outright I just stopped having them all the time. every time I went for a cigarette I made myself wait for a bit. If I was triggered I didn't though, I went for it.
one day when I wasn't even planning on giving up and hadn't been thinking about it for a while other than my general cutting down, I got out of bed and thought "I'm not going to smoke anymore". I threw all my smokes and lighters away and haven't had a puff of smoke since. I personally have never ever even been tempted, not even a little bit.
Its a bit harder for some parts though i can tell. Sometimes there are parts around who WANT to smoke and its really hard for them. Sometimes I am aware of their craving.

Be really gentle and kind and forgiving with yourself. It isn't just the act of smoking that needs to stop, but a whole mindset about it. it takes time. Forgive yourself and your team for your screw ups! Know most people quit and relapse several times over months or years before quitting for good and DID adds an extra challenge.

You got this!

I started to quit smoking back in 1975 to 1976 when I was at Fort Carson. I used Skoll (spelling?) to help me quit. It took me until my mid-twenties to completely give it up. I used chewing tobacco and dip to get me through it. Back then I would not use those products in front of other people and especially not women. I had long times when I did not use anything.

But now I dip all the time and do not care who sees me. I keep telling myself that I am going to give it up but so far I have not summoned the will power. My mental health is ten times worse now. I am stressed out twenty-four/seven now. I truly do not care if I get mouth cancer or not.

But I would recommend using bottled water to help you get through the nervousness of quitting. Just keep bottled water around you to give you something to do with your hands. Also drinking a lot of water will help flush the nicotine out of your system. But it is the hand addiction that is more of a problem than the nicotine.

A quick P.S. There is no physical pain associated with quitting smoking. It is all psychological. I believe (and this is a conspiracy thing) that they used subliminal messages on television and in the movies to promote us to smoke and get us addicted. The Federal Government makes tax dollars off alcohol, tobacco, firearms, ammunition, telephone service, etc. It was the Federal Government that promoted our tobacco and alcohol problems. Maybe the ATF or some other agency. I wish the "Tort" lawyers would look into this.

Thank you for this. I smoke pipe tobacco and cigars. 15 years ago I smoked only occasionally and just stopped out of the blue. An alter was the smoker, and I stopped when he went dormant for a while. He came back a year ago and started right up. He and I integrated, and now I smoke daily. Another alter is also a smoker, and the rest tolerate it because it feels good. Don’t want to see myself still smoking years from now, and your comments are the most helpful I’ve heard on the subject.
As an aside, my cousin quit smoking by vaping. She started vaping fruity flavors to get herself away from the cigarette taste and smell, which she eventually started to dislike as time went on. Then she dialed down the nicotine level gradually until she was using no nic at all, then she put away the vape for good.

Oh. Well. That has triggered a vague memory of using nicotine patches.
I suppose I may (or may not?) have used nicotine patches when I gave up for real.

Oh dear, I don't even know my own story!

Hi L.P.,

I was a moderate smoker for 10 years (1/2 pack a day), and I also did quit the habit cold turkey. You are absolutely right when you say that you can't wait till depression and mood disorders to go away because it will never go away - unfortunately, that is the reality. I decided to sub the urge for physical activities, and it worked, (also, I always hated the smell of cigarettes on my long hair). One tip for you, at least at the beginning, stay away from alcohol! I'm not as active as before now but I always make sure to be busy at ALL TIMES doing things that are interesting to me.
Nowadays, almost 4 years since I stopped smoking daily, if I go out and have drinks, I might smoke one cigarette, but I'm not too hard on myself afterward. I feel bad but by the next morning is a new start once again. So I also believe that the key is, don't be too harsh, we are all humans and we will fail quite often. The thing is to know how to get even with our emotions once again and keep our heads up.
Also, don't wait for other people, therapist, etc. Take action today and on your own. You would be amazed to know how far you can get on your own.
Medication for it is fine, but you need to understand the bigger picture, a change of a habit involves a change of lifestyle and gathering mechanisms to deal with anxiety, so I don't believe that medication would cover it all.
Seriously? No hugs? You are cold!! haha.

Be well.
Best,
CF17

I quit for 7 years but started back up. Trying to quit now good luck

Thank you all so much. As it goes right now, I smoked ten the first day, then six the second. I'm telling myself that each day is less than the day before, and calling it a win as I keep trying. I had more energy yesterday (still bouncing back from a cold or something) and it was easier to distract myself and just get up and do stuff. That helped.

childofchaos...
It had not occurred to us to delegate cigarette control to one specific individual. There is one of us who is more motivated than the rest (he's all about cardio and smoking interferes with that) and he would seem the best candidate for that. We have no shortage of identity confusion going on lately, but thinking still, taking the time to pause, do some internal talking/reflecting while trying to pull his voice/thoughts/whatevers out of the 'us soup' will also be helpful.. might help as a whole to get more on board or at east remember how it will help his goals. Hm.

Amyjay..
Thank you. The times before I have managed to quit for a lil while here and there I went cold turkey. I've been struggling to make myself understand smoking less is still a win (I have been about a pack a day)... I can say the words but connecting to them is more challenging. Hearing your success helps make those words way more real to me. Congrats to you, this stuff stuff is difficult to say the least.

Michael W Harris..
Yeah the hand bit is brutal. I got myself a bottle of water and it does help some. Yesterday I now at one point I was making tea as well. I'm not sure how many cups I drank, but the time it took to boil the water, steep the stuff, add honey, drink.. it was sufficient pause a few times and no cigarettes during. I might walk up to the store today for some suckers or something. And I can't say I disagree with you on the conspiracy talk. 'Smoking is good/cool/relaxing/whatever' seems to show up less nowadays, but it's still there and it was certainly more abundant before. Big tobacco is big money and money (imho) makes the govt. go round.

Solnutty..
I've heard people swear by those vape pen things. I have a thought that the SO guy has one up in a drawer or something that someone gave him. Hm. I wouldn't have thought of them due to the start up cost. I'm gonna write a note to ask him later if he actually has one.

CF17..
Oh yeah, I'm sooo not going near booze. If anything would pull the urge to chain smoke, alcohol would. On the plus side though, as a whole, I'm not much of a drinker, so should be ok on that end. Being busy to, doing enjoyable things, is huge for me as well. My energy level was up yesterday so I was doing more and it was beneficial to say the least. I seem to do ok until I find myself taking a rest/sit break... then the habit to smoke while doing so kicks in and that's where I fall. I gotta rework what I do on down times.

Teddy Bear..
Good luck to you as well. I'm pullin for you for sure.

So I decided I’m going to wait five minutes before each smoke. I remembered twice in two days, so I’m just going to count that as a win. After I get used to it I’ll wait 10. Any progress is progress!
Thanks for this post.

Any progress truly IS progress! Good on you.

Hey Solnutty, victory is so yours. Congrats to you.

Just wanted to put an update here... still well under ten a day consistently. I've been averaging about six a day. Yesterday I got set off a bit and smoked eight or nine... I forget, but still calling it a win since it was less than half a pack and I was all bent out of shape for a bit there so yay. Plus, lungs hurt today and I feel sluggish and I think it's from the extra cigarettes so thinking hm, maybe that will help keep me closer to five than ten today, tomorrow and so on. It's weird, in a good way, but I could never cut down below 14 before, this is really starting to feel like the new normal... this well under half a pack stuff.

a/v

first know I havent read this whole thread yet.... to answer yout question LP in the first post... has anyone quit smoking.....

yes I have. my system was really nice when it came to handling things I could not. when it came time to quit smoking I did not need any help in things like nicotine patches, nicotine gums and smoking programs. when the cravings and problems started happening after quitting an alter who did not smoke took control to handle not being able to smoke. an alter who took care of withdrawing from medications and drugs/ alcohol would take control to handle the withdrawing from the tobacco cigarettes, just like they did when I was going through withdrawal from being in the room when friends were doing the weed.

my suggestion is maybe you can ask inside to see who in your system handles withdrawing from meds, they might know how to handle withdrawing from nicotine (which is also called a drug)

Congrats on your victory, LP!

I smoke for a few tears, then spent the next 18 years trying to quit. It doesnt help when you have parts that dont want to quit, breakdown and spark up another.

Plus also the anxiety and stress of this condition kept me fiending. Ive tried almost every over the counter way to quit...patches, gum, lozenges, life savers, but couldn't stop.

My last chance was when vaping came around. I thought all the flavrs and juices were disgusting, but I kept lowering my nicotine level notch by notch to zero. After 6 months of doing this...just the flavor alone was disgusting so I quit vaping. I've been a few years cig free thank God and will not put another stick in my mouth God helping.

Good luck to you and I'm finding that I'm feeling much better, breathing better, not stink like a fire, and my home smells better and less ashy and yellow.

You can do it, I know you can. I did.

Amandalouise.. I had a drop my head moment reading your reply. Heh. It was half me who did the last withdrawal/detox thing. I was the one who came off the klonopin. I have to laugh at myself... it was easier for me to go cold turkey off that stuff (which I should not have done, nor should anyone else for that matter) than it is for me to quit the smoking. I am an awful quitter, but I persist in being awful at quitting. One of these times it will stick.
Have to say it's cool though how you had system members step up and step in and help out like that. Way to look out and help out. Way cool. And congrats to you on your wins.

AlwaysChanging2.. Congrats to you as well. The more I hear about those vape pens, the more I think they might just be the way to go. I finally remembered to ask the SO guy about the one I thought he might have, turns out he did have one but it got broken and he threw it away since he didn't like it anyhow. I might just have to go do the plasma thing and buy one of those (I'm all po' and junk. lulz).

Anyway... still way under what I was but still smoking. I just can't seem to get myself under 6-8 a day. I'm kinda concerned that I'll just slowly work my way back up to where I was before. That's why the vape thing sounds so good... the pen controls the nicotine levels, not actual cigarettes... seems like a safer route to me... wouldn't matter if I did get occasionally nuts with the hand to mouth thing and I'd still be slowly working my way down. So yeah, still trying to move forward, still trying to not be annoyed with me for smoking, still calling it a win since I'm not smoking as much, still not quitting on quitting, still trying hard to remember this will help us... not there yet though. Eh.

A/V

please dont get me wrong here it wasnt easy. if it was I would not have dissociated.. what I was saying is that it was just like any other triggering thing in my life... trauma I dissociated and an alter took control and handled that, sex I got triggered dissociated and my sexualized alters took care of that. if I was having problems with withdrawal from drugs alcohol and smoking I was triggered/ dissociated and the alters handled that....

its just the way dissociation worked in me. anytime I was triggered/ could not handle something I had my dissociation symptoms and an alter took control.

I did have it easier than say my best friend who did not have DID and alters. she had to withstand the cravings shakes, headaches, and all else that came with her quitting smoking.

but in reality it wasnt easy on me because the moment the withdrawal symptoms came I dissociated (felt numb, spaced out and disconnected) which in turn caused an alter to take control. you might say I went through quitting smoking more than once because there was me and there was the alters that were smokers and then there were the non smokers that were there to deal with withdrawal ...

no its not easy but I did have others inside who did their sense of agency where drugs and alcohol and smoking was concerned.

thanks it was cool having a built in system of handling traumatic things like this but on the other end of things it was not very good either.