I don’t know why I am like this.

To start off, this has been going on since I was a kid. I have been off in these little “mind adventures” for as long as I can remember. There are certain things I think of when I think about certain things. Even the most random things, like the mall. For the mall, I used to imagine an endless store or whatever. When i would go shopping with my mom and her friend as a kid, i would be in this thought process the whole time. I was so “out there.” I was like the kid who always kept his head down, and was really shy. Today, I’m so much more different. I feel like I’ve become this person who I was forced into being. I don’t feel like myself. My solution to this is, of course, escapism, which can really take a toll on my emotional state. I will almost cry because of the way reality is, and I feel like like I’m never going to make it through life. When I go to school, I’m not ever, fully there. I just feel like I’m acting through everything, like school is just something that i need to survive through everyday. I don’t really enjoy being with my friends, in fact, when I come home from school, I stay inside the rest of the day. That’s how it is on the weekends too. Please, if you can give me any suggestions, that would be great.

in .....me ......this was called normal, daydreaming and not a disorder.

to find out what this is with in you, my suggestion is contact your own doctors who can tell you whether this is normal for you or part of any physical or mental disorders, past or present that you may have had or have.

hi im nikki i got DID n im feelin real small today so yah.

so okie dokie it sound to me like you got some sad goin on. I do that to and i do it when im sad mostly so maybe thats how come im thinkin it but for me back when i was a real for real kid id do that ALL THE TIME. id remember bein outside n havin to do all this work n my imagination would show up n help me tell me stories n pretend so it wasnt so bad cuz i needed that to help me get thru them tough times n it sure help back then. I sometimes get stuck in my imagination now to even tho i know it aint then no more n i dont need it but i think its cuz i been doin that so long its what i just know to do. Its not only me in my system who be doin that daydream life stuff to cuz well sometimes life is hard n it hurts n its not so good n pretendin n daydreamin is lots better then real life even is so its nice there in my real n actual real. It still happpen to me lots but im tryin to live life n not just the one in my head. Its hard tho. What i try to do is do life. I think well nikki you been daydreamin about bein a rock star so maybe what you oughta do today is put on some music n rock out so i do that n i laugh n laugh n i know it sound stupid but it makes me feel better. n sometimes to when i aint feelin so small i get to thinkin bout what im daydreamin n maybe how come im dreamin bout that. So if im dreamin bout bein a rock star, how come im doin that? For me its cuz i wanna be heard n seen not feel invisible. i know that bout myself so when im feelin bigger what i do is draw a picture of how come i been feelin invisible n it go on a public draw site so i get seen n heard. oh boy im talkin lots again. sorry. but amandalouise is sure right bout maybe talkin to someone would be good to do. i can tell you stuff but what do i know? i can only say whats up with me and not whats up with you and you the one who is important with this stuff n i sure hope you can get stuff figured out so you can get to feelin better.

nikki

Ok, so the first part is covered, but what about the second part. I dissociate all the time. I think I’m getting daydreaming confused with dissociation in my real life. It’s not so much the same as when I was little. It is [B]hard[B] to make it through what should be a normal day. I refuse to say that this is normal, because I’m not okay, and it hasn’t always been this bad. My mood shifts constantly, and my friends always ask me what wrong. It’s a daily thing for my friends to ask me what’s wrong. My friends have said that I’m easily pissed off, which is not the way I used to be.

i quoted that cuz i think its important. i think your important to just like how what you got goin on is. I just dont know what it is thats all and im sorry if i was talkin like i dont care cuz i do. i dont always know how to put my words together right especially when im feelin all small so i hope i didnt make you sad or mad cuz i sure didnt mean to make you feel bad. but i dont think what you got happenin is some normal thing or nothin i think its gotta be scary or confusing or sad or lots of not good things all at once. one thing about disassociation is when life gets hard or stressful or upset it can make that stuff worse and then the disassociation made worse makes more upset and its like a snowball. maybe you can do some nice things for you right now to help with this? i know its real hard to do when everything is messed up and wrong but maybe it could help? you sure deserve nice things right now when stuff is rough. i hope your feelin better today.

NiKKi