[TrailRunner14]

My thoughts feel like a pinball machine right now.

It feels like there are so many things on my mind, internally, that I’m trying to sort out and make sense of.

On top of that my life right now feels like a three ring monkey circus.

Kids. Husband. Grand baby. Issues. Issues. Issues.

I can’t find a space to sort my thoughts and feelings out.

It feels like I’m triggered continuously.

It’s not like I can just check out and go find some time for myself right now. I really can’t.

That’s the most unnerving part.

It feels like I don’t have an option or a choice.

I KNOW there is always a choice, but I don’t feel like I can make a choice for me right now.

I feel like I have to be what is needed.

I don’t want to be in this place.

My son and his wife divorced and the little one is with me during the day.

They, the parents, are not communicating and I’m in a really hard place.

They both want what they want for themselves.

I really should just delete this but I’m hoping someone can read through what I’ve shared and have some words of encouragement

I could go on but it would sound like drama.

I’m just tired and I want things to be ok.

No replies are needed.

I think I just needed to put it somewhere.

Thank you for hearing me.

[Amyjay]

That is a lot, trailrunner. I am sorry things are so hard and overwhelming for you right now!
I hear that you can't take a "big" time out. Is it possible to take "micro" time? Deep breathing while pouring a cup of tea, mindfully counting steps while walking across the room, deep inhalations of baby(?) smell while you snuggle with the little one. Things like taking a moment to feel the chair beneath your body and the floor beneath your feet, maybe momentary sensory grounding experiences might anchor you in the here and now for a little moment or two and help to calm your hyperarousal of your nervous system?
I have had times like that and they are very hard. You have probably had many times like this before too and coped with them as you are now, just struggling to hold on moment to moment without a breath. Maybe just taking a few mindful moments to take those breaths and connect with your body might help to do it differently, to support yourself a little bit more even though you can't take "big" care of yourself right now?
Sorry if this isn't helpful.

All to familiar.....unfortunately! For me I find time or get overtaken. Have used Christmas shopping as an excuse to find time alone. Not allowed to ask about my where abouts. It's surprise season u know!


UOTE=TrailRunner14;5947507]My thoughts feel like a pinball machine right now.

It feels like there are so many things on my mind, internally, that I’m trying to sort out and make sense of.

On top of that my life right now feels like a three ring monkey circus.

Kids. Husband. Grand baby. Issues. Issues. Issues.

I can’t find a space to sort my thoughts and feelings out.

It feels like I’m triggered continuously.

It’s not like I can just check out and go find some time for myself right now. I really can’t.

That’s the most unnerving part.

It feels like I don’t have an option or a choice.

I KNOW there is always a choice, but I don’t feel like I can make a choice for me right now.

I feel like I have to be what is needed.

I don’t want to be in this place.

My son and his wife divorced and the little one is with me during the day.

They, the parents, are not communicating and I’m in a really hard place.

They both want what they want for themselves.

I really should just delete this but I’m hoping someone can read through what I’ve shared and have some words of encouragement

I could go on but it would sound like drama.

I’m just tired and I want things to be ok.

No replies are needed.

I think I just needed to put it somewhere.

Thank you for hearing me.[/QUOTE]

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

That is a lot, trailrunner. I am sorry things are so hard and overwhelming for you right now!
I hear that you can't take a "big" time out. Is it possible to take "micro" time? Deep breathing while pouring a cup of tea, mindfully counting steps while walking across the room, deep inhalations of baby(?) smell while you snuggle with the little one. Things like taking a moment to feel the chair beneath your body and the floor beneath your feet, maybe momentary sensory grounding experiences might anchor you in the here and now for a little moment or two and help to calm your hyperarousal of your nervous system?
I have had times like that and they are very hard. You have probably had many times like this before too and coped with them as you are now, just struggling to hold on moment to moment without a breath. Maybe just taking a few mindful moments to take those breaths and connect with your body might help to do it differently, to support yourself a little bit more even though you can't take "big" care of yourself right now?
Sorry if this isn't helpful.

Thank you Amyjay!!

You are reminding me to take care of myself.

It just feels like I'm in a place that I forget that. I have to be what I need to be for everybody else.

My counselor and I talked tonight about being angry and how it's ok.

I'm thinking that it's time to have a productive talk with the "kids" about their responsibility and me not being a doormat.

Entitlement is a vicious thing.

They are young and we have helped them a whole lot.

It may be that we have helped them too much and they have not had to step up to the plate. As a result we have taken the stress of "our " decision.

Truth.

I am going to take your suggestions and try them.

Thank you so much for replying.

It was a random, not me, thing when I posted this. That calls my attention to my level of "not me".

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by cavaliers

All to familiar.....unfortunately! For me I find time or get overtaken. Have used Christmas shopping as an excuse to find time alone. Not allowed to ask about my where abouts. It's surprise season u know!


UOTE=TrailRunner14;5947507]My thoughts feel like a pinball machine right now.

It feels like there are so many things on my mind, internally, that I’m trying to sort out and make sense of.

On top of that my life right now feels like a three ring monkey circus.

Kids. Husband. Grand baby. Issues. Issues. Issues.

I can’t find a space to sort my thoughts and feelings out.

It feels like I’m triggered continuously.

It’s not like I can just check out and go find some time for myself right now. I really can’t.

That’s the most unnerving part.

It feels like I don’t have an option or a choice.

I KNOW there is always a choice, but I don’t feel like I can make a choice for me right now.

I feel like I have to be what is needed.

I don’t want to be in this place.

My son and his wife divorced and the little one is with me during the day.

They, the parents, are not communicating and I’m in a really hard place.

They both want what they want for themselves.

I really should just delete this but I’m hoping someone can read through what I’ve shared and have some words of encouragement

I could go on but it would sound like drama.

I’m just tired and I want things to be ok.

No replies are needed.

I think I just needed to put it somewhere.

Thank you for hearing me.

[/QUOTE]

Christmas shopping sounds like an awesome idea!! It is a get away because it's a Santa thing.

Thank you for hearing me!!

[kecanoe]

TR, whoever it is that posted that is just looking for help.

Your situation sounds incredibly difficult. I know that I have a hard time when my grandchild does not get the loving and supportive treatment that she deserves from my son, her dad. And all the "talking" in the world on my part does no good.

I am grateful that you are able to be a loving, significant presence in your grandchild's life.

I like the idea of going Christmas shopping-and spending an hour or so in a coffee shop.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

TR, whoever it is that posted that is just looking for help.

Your situation sounds incredibly difficult. I know that I have a hard time when my grandchild does not get the loving and supportive treatment that she deserves from my son, her dad. And all the "talking" in the world on my part does no good.

I am grateful that you are able to be a loving, significant presence in your grandchild's life.

I like the idea of going Christmas shopping-and spending an hour or so in a coffee shop.

Thank you for your kind words.

I want to be what I need to be and I also want to be what I need to be for me and my other family.

It’s a very hard place to find myself in.

Thank you for hearing me!

The coffee shop sounds amazing!!

Deep rich coffee with honey and cinnamon.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I want to be what I need to be and I also want to be what I need to be for me and my other family.

It’s a very hard place to find myself in.

Have you heard of that spoons thing? It's like everyone has so many spoons to dole out and once they've gone, that's it (I don't know why they use spoons, but that's what it is so I'll go with it). You can think of spoons like energy or something. We only have so much available to us and once we use it all up we kind of don't really function anymore! So let's say you have load of demands on you right now and you are handing out your spoons left right and center. Two spoons to look after the little one, three to deal with your sons and husband etc, a couple to take care of the house and day to day living. Right now it sounds like all your spoons are used up and there are none left over for you. At the end of each
day you've given all of your spoons out to everyone around you and you've just got nothing. You are all out of spoons.
But what if spoons are your life blood? What if people NEED at least one spoon for themselves to survive? How long can you live on nothing?
See, the other thing is, you are using all your spoons to take care of everyone else but who is giving any spoons back to you? It sounds like your counsellor might give you one or two a week. An maybe church and faith give you another couple. But are you just handing those ones back out as soon as y0u get them? Do your sons/husband/daughters-in-law ever give you any of their spoons? Do they all just happily take yours and horde them for themselves?
Sometimes we do need to spoon-feed other people in our lives. Sometimes that is the best human thing to do. But if we are constantly spoon feeding others and yet when we ourselves are spoon-less and hungry nobody returns the favor, even if they have spare ones, then it is time to rethink how many spoons we are willing to give.
It's important to keep a spoon or two so you can keep feeding yourself. Especially if no-one is stepping in to give spoons to you.
What is it that they say in the emergency drills in airplanes? Always ut on your own oxygen mask before placing one on others?There's a reason for that you know!

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Have you heard of that spoons thing? It's like everyone has so many spoons to dole out and once they've gone, that's it (I don't know why they use spoons, but that's what it is so I'll go with it). You can think of spoons like energy or something. We only have so much available to us and once we use it all up we kind of don't really function anymore! So let's say you have load of demands on you right now and you are handing out your spoons left right and center. Two spoons to look after the little one, three to deal with your sons and husband etc, a couple to take care of the house and day to day living. Right now it sounds like all your spoons are used up and there are none left over for you. At the end of each
day you've given all of your spoons out to everyone around you and you've just got nothing. You are all out of spoons.
But what if spoons are your life blood? What if people NEED at least one spoon for themselves to survive? How long can you live on nothing?
See, the other thing is, you are using all your spoons to take care of everyone else but who is giving any spoons back to you? It sounds like your counsellor might give you one or two a week. An maybe church and faith give you another couple. But are you just handing those ones back out as soon as y0u get them? Do your sons/husband/daughters-in-law ever give you any of their spoons? Do they all just happily take yours and horde them for themselves?
Sometimes we do need to spoon-feed other people in our lives. Sometimes that is the best human thing to do. But if we are constantly spoon feeding others and yet when we ourselves are spoon-less and hungry nobody returns the favor, even if they have spare ones, then it is time to rethink how many spoons we are willing to give.
It's important to keep a spoon or two so you can keep feeding yourself. Especially if no-one is stepping in to give spoons to you.
What is it that they say in the emergency drills in airplanes? Always ut on your own oxygen mask before placing one on others?There's a reason for that you know!

I couldn't have said it better myself! Amyjay's analogy is 100% percent accurate! You can't be there for everyone 24/7 and it's not something you should feel like you have to do. I'm very similar and have had to learn the hard way many times and that just hurts. Take some time out for yourself and reward yourself for being such a good and dependable person. Go do something relaxing and if you do have coffee then, get decaff. Caffeine is bad for stress. I crave caffeine sometimes because I have sleep apnea and a little helps me to get started in the mornings but, too much will get you wound up and anxious. Just take it easy and be good to yourself.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

My thoughts feel like a pinball machine right now.

It feels like there are so many things on my mind, internally, that I’m trying to sort out and make sense of.

On top of that my life right now feels like a three ring monkey circus.

Kids. Husband. Grand baby. Issues. Issues. Issues.

I can’t find a space to sort my thoughts and feelings out.

It feels like I’m triggered continuously.

It’s not like I can just check out and go find some time for myself right now. I really can’t.

That’s the most unnerving part.

It feels like I don’t have an option or a choice.

I KNOW there is always a choice, but I don’t feel like I can make a choice for me right now.

I feel like I have to be what is needed.

I don’t want to be in this place.

My son and his wife divorced and the little one is with me during the day.

They, the parents, are not communicating and I’m in a really hard place.

They both want what they want for themselves.

I really should just delete this but I’m hoping someone can read through what I’ve shared and have some words of encouragement

I could go on but it would sound like drama.

I’m just tired and I want things to be ok.

No replies are needed.

I think I just needed to put it somewhere.

Thank you for hearing me.

I have had situations that have caused me to feel trapped and without control. It's suffocating. I brought back a lot of anxiety and panic. What helped me was when I realized that I could chose anything. So I weighed my options and found that even though I was in a difficult position I still felt it was the right thing to be doing. That realization helped me to feel less trapped, and that I had more control than I knew. After having this epipehany I also realized that I needed to take care of us. So I made time to go to the gym, ride my bike and to be outside more. And it helped. I don't know if this is what you are going through. I just thought I would share something that I experienced that felt similar to what you are going through now. Feel better