Always co-conscious? Suppressing alters?

Can anyone who has a lot of co-consciousness with their alters, particularly child or baby alters, describe what they experience?

Also wondering if anyone can selectively suppress their alters, and if so how do you do it and how does it make you feel?

Could someone only let a child alter out under conditions of complete privacy (like hiding in a bathroom under a blankie with a pillow to cry into so no one can hear the child) and have anxiety or panic symptoms from having to suppress it when no privacy is available?

Sorry if these are weird questions... just following a lead from a different post, stabbing in the dark here.

Oops, also forgot to ask, what is the difference between "experiencing one's inner child" and experiencing an actual child alter?

Unfortunately not weird at all. It's hard to put into words. Every system works differently. Literally no two are the same. Yes, my little ones had to come out & cry,& those that were born out of abuse, kick, scream, throw things. In my family, little ones are not allowed out without a protector near by. It's like he is standing quietly,attentively,observing in case danger intrudes.And afterwards the alter needs the soothing of their blanket, rocking, etc. It is very tiring. Uses up a lot of physical energy. If one needs to come out, got to let it out. If not, we develop all kinds of unhealthy coping mechanism to keep it in. We've screamed while vacuuming, cried in the shower, found a private place at a open space. Best of all in a therapist 'office. Once the little ones got all the necessary physicality out of their system, they were able to learn to cope by drawing, fingerpanting, sandbox etc. Now they tell me if they need time out. We can negotiate a time & place. Like after we get home & not while I'm driving! Can we suppress an alter. Yes, but why would we want to? Like a dangerous one? One you don't like? Honestly we use to. Then we developed unhealthy ways of suppressing them. It kind of feels like when you are sick & you just know who are going to vomit. You can't stop it, it's going to happen sooner or later. Hope this helps. Thanks for asking. Hadn't thought about it in a while.

I have coconsciousness with some alters but not all. The ones I have cocon with I am aware of -some- of the time not all of the time. I have really only gained cocon in therapy. Before therapy I wasn't very aware of the alters themselves at all, only when switching in and out.
There is one 3 year old alter I have some cocon with. She is often very upset. I am aware cocon of her and her feelings up to a point and then she switches in and I am gone. I don't have much control over that, but I can stop her from switching out -some- of the time by comforting her. Mostly I become aware of her then I switch out and "come to" to find myself curled up sucking my thumb somewhere with tears on my face. When that happens I "snap to" often mid cry but I don't have any feelings of sadness or upset myself. I pull my thumb out of my mouth, dry my face, stand up and get on with my day! I assume that's a DID thing and not a normal thing but it is very typical for me.
I don't know if I have answered your questions or not.

Adding I would like to second what Cavaliers said, unless switching in to cope with abuse vulnerable parts of self never switch in when it isn't safe. It just doesn't happen. Protectors don't allow that.

I have some of the abilities that you speak of and that may be a result of some of the other illnesses that I suffer from alongside this on or it may be something else.
As far as having an inner child vs a child alter I think that it may be possible that if you have a happy or innocent type child alter that they very well could be very similar to your inner child. I see my inner child pretty much the way I see my original self alter who existed before trauma occurred but, feeling that way doesn't make me correct about that. It's just how I feel about it or what I think of it.
As for being able to suppress some personalities, I, the host personality have this ability because I am the highest authority in the mind and the others are there to serve me save for a particularly bad one who I have clashed with some in the past.
That particular alter has gotten out of hand before and when I considered him a threat to the system I (in a sense) incarcerated or banished him for a while. I have had to do this to him twice in the past and now we have an understanding although he is still my enemy and vice versa but, we can meet in the mind and be civil toward one another and even agree on some things now and cooperate with each other when it's needed. Some personalities can even go into a state of dormancy if they aren't really an important part of the system or you simply ignore them. I have introjects that I have placed on the back burner before and eventually stopped thinking of them so much and as a result they seemed to have faded away but, are now awake again due to recent, heavy stress. In fact I had one of them on lockdown and refused to let him out for fear that he could get me into trouble but, that problem has been solved as he is now under the control of another introject whom I trust fully to keep him in line. So the answer to this is "Yes" that some people who suffer with DID do have a certain amount of control to a degree even though it is considered to be very rare according to my pdoc.
If you want to discuss it further or have anymore questions just message me and I or one of my other alters will help you out or summon me to help you out.

EDIT: I forgot to add the part about letting child alters out. Though I/We have a lot of control in our system we are still subject to some triggers like for example at Christmas time or Thankgiving, my happy child alter sometimes surfaces or merges with me temporarily because he feels safe to but, the rest of the time I and my other alters keep him deep within and guard him to protect him. If anyone from the outside ever frightens him or hurts his feelings, we avoid that person in the future and perceive them as a threat to us.
I hope this helps you to know more about the things you were asking about.

to answer your questions first you need to know what ......my..... location and .....my ..... own treatment providers called co consciousness....

examples....

knowing of the alters existence
being aware of what is going on inside the body with self and alters while at the same time knowing what is going on outside the body and self.
sharing memories, information between alters and each other and the one that they reside with in.
no amnesia or time loss during the time the alter is in control
being awake and aware of ones own thoughts, emotions, perceptions as ones own while at the same time knowing the alters own thoughts, emotions, perceptions as their own.
not hallucinating or delusional or otherwise out of touch with whats real and what isnt.

The alters that I was co conscious with...I knew they existed, perceived them to be totally separate from me, they had their own sense of agency and I had my own sense of agency..I could hear their voices, know how they were feeling, knew their feelings/ emotions were theirs and mine was mine. I knew not only what they were thinking and doing but also knew what was happening both inside and outside my body...

could I selectively supress my alters.....no I could not selectively supress any of my alters. my dissociative type alters were dissociation related meaning any time I was triggered into having my dissociative symptoms/ problems which ever alter who's sense of agency was to handle that trigger took control and handled it/ took care of that problem.

example if thunderstorms caused me to dissociate then the alter who's sense of agency was thunderstorms that alter took control, got out of the storm, home into dry clothing, can calmed down. once the triggering event was taken care of I was back in control.

(Just a bit of info about DID if a person doesnt have alters that take control they are not diagnosed with having DID, just how psychiatrists in america diagnose the disorder you can read more about what DID is and what is required to happen in order to be diagnosed with this in america by reading the DSM 5 at your local library, this is the diagnosing book treatment providers use along with testing processes)

no my DID was not something I could choose to have and choose when what alter comes out when. it was solely dependent on when I had my dissociation symptoms. I did have some alters who's sense of agency was to take care of those triggering times when I was home alone, hiding, or bathroom situations. but it wasnt a thing where I could say ok Im going to go to the bathroom and climb into the tub with my blankie and then switch into being the alter sleepy..... it was like taking off my clothing scared and frightened me so much that I felt numb, spaced out and my bathroom alter took control took off the clothing, took a bath then got dressed again, once everything that I could not handle was done and I was no longer scared, frightened, dissociated I was back in control again....

DID isnt something I .....chose to be......., its something that happened to me. its called a dissociative disorder in me because in order for my alters to be in control I had to be dissociated.

co consciousness here where I am does not mean I got to choose. it just means I was aware of what was happening and so on.

also something to consider here if someones alters only were in control during private times how would they get diagnosed with having these alters... being able to tell a treatment provider that one has alters is only a small part of the diagnosis process here. one of the things about this is that it has to affect all aspects of a persons life (you can read more about this in the DSM5 requirements for having DID in america just the way treatment providers do things here in america now)

whats the difference between alters and the child with in....

here in my location the child with in is a therapy approach where it is believed that everyone has feelings, reactions, emotions thoughts and behaviors that are age appropriate and older or younger....

its like someone says something you dont like and you fly into a rage like a child would when their parent says no. or times when you feel so happy you feel like you did on christmas day when you were a child. you dont literally change into alters, its just those times when you naturally behave or feel like a child.

the therapy for this is imagining you are sitting in a room with that feeling like a child, imagine what would that feeling, thought or behavior look like, can you imagine picking up, holding, calming down that child you used to be.

some people find great comfort in doing this visualization... example last night I was angry at something that happened to my neighbor. I was so angry I wanted to throw things, I wanted to scream and yell. I went into my bedroom, sat on my bed and purposely wrapped up in my favorite blanket then closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and thought ok this feels like the time when I was a child and something similar happened to me. I was this age and looked like this..... now Im going to talk to that child I used to be.... hello little amanda, I know you are scared and angry what can I do to help you feel better, then I think about what I needed back then when I was that scared angry child. I needed someone to tell me everything would be ok, that I would be back with my family soon and that I was safe now... again talking to my imagined visualization of the child I used to be... Amanda I know its scarey to be away from home and that you are afraid the people that hurt you will find you, you are safe now, everything is going to be ok, mommy and daddy and the casworker are going to make sure those people never hurt you again and that they cant find you here. can I hold you, give you a hug... then I imagine the child I used to be reaching up to me and my holding her. still in this visualization I tell myself that what happened was years ago, Im no longer that helpless child scared and alone. I am a grown adult what can I do now about todays situation...

then I opened my eyes, took a few deep breaths then I left the bedroom to call my neighbor and offer her my shoulder, a hot meal and what ever other help I could offer her instead of acting out like the child I used to be.

I hope this has answered your questions... mind you this is only going on what is with in me and according to my own location and own treatment providers...

for answers as they pertain to you, your locations definitions and treatment providers you will have to contact a mental health treatment provider in your off computer location. they will tell you whats what where you are.

Greetings...
Psychiatric Therapist or not I have to disagree with you on some things and one of those things is that the DSM 5 that you speak of can not be perfect and 100% accurate because human logic is not 100% accurate and constant research is still necessary in order to better uncover and accurately diagnose the conditions of the mentally ill.
I believe that it is quite arrogant to suggest that those who don't seem to have the more common type of DID are suffering from something else or that their perception of what is going on with them is incorrect because of not lining up with certain "requirements".
I can't speak for others who suffer with DID but, I do know for a fact that what happened to me about 10 years ago one night when my motor control was taken away and I was suddenly thrust further back into my own mind yet still able to think, see, and hear everything as it happened was no fantasy or delusion or trick of the imagination. What it was was damn scary and I knew who was at the helm because I've known him for years and I felt him that night, very strong. Have you ever heard mad laughter? I have and it was coming from my own mouth only it wasn't me laughing. It was him. The same one who broke another child's wrist in kindergarten and let me think for decades that I was responsible for that. The same one who beat the **** out of a cat at the age of 5 and stayed silent about it for a great many years, letting me think that it was me who did it because my body was the implement used to do it. I don't know of your experiences but, I know of mine and I also know that there are some co-conscious DID sufferers who can switch to other alters to handle different situations and while this may be "extremely rare" as my own psychiatrist suggests I have actually seen it in a documentary that I will be happy to post the link to for you if that's what it will take to make you see the light.

Also my child self does still exist within me and I and my other alters guard him with our life as we are determined that he will never suffer again. Not ever.
I wasn't able to respond to this post earlier when I first read it and it did trigger one of my alters because I got so upset. Do you wanna guess which alter it was? The one that I clamp down on. The one that I have had to learn to clamp down on so, that he can never hurt anyone else ever again. Sometimes it doesn't work like it used to because of the amount of stress that I'm under right now. Normally I have a tightly ordered mind and exceptional control but, lately my mind has been like grand central station with formerly dormant, weaker personalities waking up and wondering what the heck is going on and it's very difficult to deal with. Yesterday I got triggered and one of my introject alternates had to calm me down because I was on the verge of a panic attack.
If this condition isn't DID then just what the hell is it? It certainly isn't schizophrenia.

Co con with a child... hm. For me, it's not really any different than the co con I have with others... just an awareness of what is going on that I know isn't a dream, or that it really happened. I'm guessing you mean like how does it feel? I dunno, but it doesn't make me feel kiddish or anything unless I am the one up front and center, so to speak, and I am feeling one of them inside. Then I totally feel a lil revved up or 'wide eyed' or giggly, or timid, 'small' or scared... depends on the child or their mood, I suppose.

I cannot really suppress anyone else in my system. For me, it's one of those it's either gonna happen or it's not kinda things. That goes for either if I am fronting and will be impacted by someone else (then all I can really do is try to cope with whatever I'm being impacted with) or if they will just show up and I'll get shoved to the metaphorical back. Yep.

The last group of us who did the life thing (my system is kinda divided up into groups) could designate specific safe times for one little in particular. She'd show up now and then and play on webkinz. Heh. This group of us now can't do that. Goes back to that gonna happen or it won't thing. But yeah, say I have a little one inside freaking out when I am up front and center, I will definitely feel the impact from that and most likely fall apart until I can ground and center or do whatever it is I need to do to start bouncing back from that. Littles can pack one hell of an emotional punch for me.

As for inner child v/s actual child part, for me... hm. Oh swing example. When it is me embracing my inner child, I might think to myself, hm, you know what I wanna do? Play on those swings, then I make the choice to go play on those swings. When it is child part, I am aware of my body running to those swings and swinging, but it was not my choice to do so in that moment. If it is me being impacted by a child part, I might be at that park and looking at, say fall leaves thinking how nice they are, then hear a thought that lets me know there are swings over there and feel a sense of excitement about those swings and so I'll go on those swings to satisfy that part of me, knowing it was them and not me because I was all into the leaves before then.

-Avery

Cavaliers,

You seem to have a really good grasp of how your system works, and you seem to have learned most, if not all, of the necessary skills to take care of your own parts. Would you feel comfortable telling us whether you went to therapy to learn this? And if so, how long you were in therapy? I'm asking because I have been in therapy for a very long time (too long to mention without being terribly embarrassed). I've made progress, but I am not anywhere near as far in my healing as it sounds like you are.

Thanks, Maviforce. Not only am I DID...took years to be able to say it as I didn't did anything(alter talking!) prefer MPD) but I've known many. Literally every person was different...common trait dissociation. Degree, mechanism, other feeding issues etc. different as was cause other than abuse. My T tells me he learns something new from every system he works with. Did u know a female body can send a male alter for blood tests & get the lab in trouble cuz the tests come back with male hormone levels etc. Been there, done that..not the only one. Did you know that during an 11 hour surgery an alter can be present & accurately report back everything that was said & done....neither did I until recently but again T says not the only one. The DSMs are written for & by normals. They write it to be logical, definitive, &to explain something they have no first hand (internal)experience of. And so insurance companies will pay! They write for off the rack fit, whereas every suit is custom. Thanks again

QUOTE=MavriforceK9r;5966027]Greetings...
Psychiatric Therapist or not I have to disagree with you on some things and one of those things is that the DSM 5 that you speak of can not be perfect and 100% accurate because human logic is not 100% accurate and constant research is still necessary in order to better uncover and accurately diagnose the conditions of the mentally ill.
I believe that it is quite arrogant to suggest that those who don't seem to have the more common type of DID are suffering from something else or that their perception of what is going on with them is incorrect because of not lining up with certain "requirements".
I can't speak for others who suffer with DID but, I do know for a fact that what happened to me about 10 years ago one night when my motor control was taken away and I was suddenly thrust further back into my own mind yet still able to think, see, and hear everything as it happened was no fantasy or delusion or trick of the imagination. What it was was damn scary and I knew who was at the helm because I've known him for years and I felt him that night, very strong. Have you ever heard mad laughter? I have and it was coming from my own mouth only it wasn't me laughing. It was him. The same one who broke another child's wrist in kindergarten and let me think for decades that I was responsible for that. The same one who beat the **** out of a cat at the age of 5 and stayed silent about it for a great many years, letting me think that it was me who did it because my body was the implement used to do it. I don't know of your experiences but, I know of mine and I also know that there are some co-conscious DID sufferers who can switch to other alters to handle different situations and while this may be "extremely rare" as my own psychiatrist suggests I have actually seen it in a documentary that I will be happy to post the link to for you if that's what it will take to make you see the light.

Also my child self does still exist within me and I and my other alters guard him with our life as we are determined that he will never suffer again. Not ever.
I wasn't able to respond to this post earlier when I first read it and it did trigger one of my alters because I got so upset. Do you wanna guess which alter it was? The one that I clamp down on. The one that I have had to learn to clamp down on so, that he can never hurt anyone else ever again. Sometimes it doesn't work like it used to because of the amount of stress that I'm under right now. Normally I have a tightly ordered mind and exceptional control but, lately my mind has been like grand central station with formerly dormant, weaker personalities waking up and wondering what the heck is going on and it's very difficult to deal with. Yesterday I got triggered and one of my introject alternates had to calm me down because I was on the verge of a panic attack.
If this condition isn't DID then just what the hell is it? It certainly isn't schizophrenia.[/QUOTE]

Well, as long as you have been add a few years!! I didn't know what was going on with me & all early therapy was dealing with those unhealthy coping mechanisms. Finally found a T who knew but went thru several who didn't know how to help my system. Found one who did! Acceptance of & by all my alters was the key. I now see him once a month to keep issues under control & let internal everyone know help is available. One does come to complain about another! I don't tell people about my dx so he is the only one who knows. Sometimes we literal talk politics other times something that is minor we don't understand or allowing an alter to come in safety & talk.Recently I had major surgery that stirred up the system. He's available as often as I want or we mutually agree is advisable. Now we've established a health operating system, we don't think of it as therapy as much as keeping the system tuned up to deal with this cruel world & the people in it......like a car ready for a spur of the moment trip. These alters aren't going away so neither is our need to deal with them.The world isn't going away either. So I don't think I get healthy whatever that means & I'm done. There is no 'you should be' at point B & you are not IMHO. Look back & see what has changed for you in the last year. Bet you all are functioning better then you were. May all your efforts be changed into successes this year. Thanks for asking. It was good for remember how bad it use to be. Thanks



QUOTE=peaches100;5966660]Cavaliers,

You seem to have a really good grasp of how your system works, and you seem to have learned most, if not all, of the necessary skills to take care of your own parts. Would you feel comfortable telling us whether you went to therapy to learn this? And if so, how long you were in therapy? I'm asking because I have been in therapy for a very long time (too long to mention without being terribly embarrassed). I've made progress, but I am not anywhere near as far in my healing as it sounds like you are.[/QUOTE]

inner child is not creating an identity but having some sort of trauma as a child. A therapist would give you great guidance on the topic. Basically a diagnoses of DID /PTSD

in regard to the mention of diagnosis and difference between OSDD and DID, usually, in north america anyway, if you are co conscious with an alter and don't have black outs or time loss, it would be diagnosed as OSDD and not DID.

DID is usually only diagnosed when you have black outs or time loss and the alters take over the body; otherwise, it would still be considered OSDD.

on the other hand, i have been told a person can have the diagnosis of DID and be co conscious with alters, so i am not sure how that differs from OSDD.

someone could also move between having black outs and time loss and be said to have DID but gain the ability to have co consciousness which would then probably change the diagnosis to OSDD.

regardless, they are treated the same way since they are on the same spectrum and so closely related/similar.

I think there are many people with DID maybe even most I would guess that have at least some coconsciousness with some alters and complete amnesia for others. I have coconsciousness with some of the regular alters who take care of day to at stuff. There are many alters that I don't share coconsciousness with at all though.