[fille_folle]

Hi. I have been dxed with DID for about 9 years. My previous T diagnosed me, and my current T found out, even though I tried to keep it under wraps from her (I was ashamed). Anyway, it all came out after I dissociated too severely one session and another part admitted her name. T confronted me about it the next session, and I didn't lie. She talked to my previous T and everything came out. Anyway, I don't know how much my previous psychiatrist knew, but my current psychiatrist doesn't know about my diagnosis. However, she likes to ask all these probing questions about "the times when I'm not myself" (her words, not mine) and she knows I forget stuff and time goes by too fast sometimes.

Anyway, I didn't go to my last appointment with B, my psychiatrist, a part did. This part just went to mess with me and make me worry. I am also worried because I feel like I need to tell B that I have started drinking sometimes, but if she tells me I can't because of my meds, how can I explain that I can't control myself? T asked me if I wanted her to talk to B, but I said no. I just don't know what to do. I am embarrassed and I don't like anybody knowing that I have DID. Sometimes I don't even like that previous or current T know.

[unaluna]

I see my t as working with the shall we say desirable? parts of me, us teaming up against the evil introject(s) that formed as a result of a weird childhood, that now try to set me upon a more twisted, bumpy path than the desirable me would otherwise have chosen to trod upon. Ya know?

For healing to begin...honesty is the best policy...or you just bullshhting and wasting your and her time and money.

I get the secretive DID thing because that is what it is...a personal secret inner society.

Hell, I’m embarrassed...but weren’t we the one wronged first? We didn’t choose this...or born this way...it was inflicted...it is a survival technique. Be strong and do what needs to be done. You so lucky that you do have a T....

Put your feelings aside and do the right thing....best of luck...jealous.

[fille_folle]

Why don't you have a T, Always?

[Amyjay]

I hear you fille folle.

But if you have recurrent kidney stones and only ever let the Dr treat you for a bladder infection will the pain ever stop?

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Why don't you have a T, Always?

Life doesn’t permit it. Started with one then Obamacare forced me to pay for insurance that doesn’t pay for anything but 5 MD visits a year where I get my BD meds, no hospital coverage, and no mental health coverage. Then 1/2 my mouth is gone or hurting, getting divorced, plus my truck has died- more expenses.

Plus life is in a daze that we get nothing real done...some also feel that we just might be called a hopeless cause- nothing concrete to base a life on...

Everytime I think of something...it quickly fades away to forgotten as I switch around...I think we did a search once...but it faded away- because of this I feel stupid and inept...

The only thing that we have going is being able to work 6 days a week (routine must) while I wait the inevitable. This is the only routine that I can abide by. I would do well in an institution being led, scheduled, or controlled. Free time causes to much time for God knows what....

Are these bonafide reasons or excuses? I don’t know. I just know that God is taking care of my life because I do manage to keep on going even though I’m bouncing around at life. If it’s in His will..it will happen.

I’m also waiting....waiting for the expensive parts of life like immediate physical repairs be made...$25,000 for my mouth, $500 for our Littles therapy dog’s mouth....sometimes just want to give up, but an Other takes over and then that thought disappears...

My left sciatiac nerve is acting up...feels like my foot is split in half and pulsating, but got to save my doctor visits for meds..

I can go whaa for hours, I guess...

For me to get help means quitting my job, going homeless, being a leech on the state.....just got too much pride for that.

It will happen soon. A lot of fear is involved.

Worktime.

I told my last doc...and he laughed at me...so I fired him. I have a dental appointment with an oral surgeon tomorrow, she left a protruding sharp bone with hurts when I eat or drink...if she don’t fix it...she’s fired.

My mouth is in bad shape...always knew I need work done, but it when it quits hurting...the memory of it is forgotten till the next time, same with getting a T...

A pillbox dispenses my meds, so that’s routine...

A crappy memory...unless it is routine, I quickly forget because the Others have differing priorities.

[zoiecat]

FF...I feel the same way. I am currently in a constant back and forth dilemma of wanting to quit therapy. I have done a pretty good job of stuffing the others down for the past 3 weeks. The only problem is that I feel like an empty shell. I have no feelings and no memory. Can't remember anything. I lose my train of thought mid sentence.

I would like to quit and go to someone else who does not know about the DID. Start fresh and just work on the few bad memories I do have. Or just quit altogether.

[dlantern]

Sometimes all therapy is, is just a push for more information to talk urself into calmer moments. To understand who is influence why switches are needed. It is impair to share what you can so it doesn't feel like it is holding up a moment that is needed to be calmer. At some point in therapy there is need to be equal some alters will pick up on those that aren't doing the work. Is it maybe that it doesn't want to make a big deal out of alcohol

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I hear you fille folle.

But if you have recurrent kidney stones and only ever let the Dr treat you for a bladder infection will the pain ever stop?

Well, I don't really expect my psychiatrist to treat the DID. My therapist is helping me with that. It is my understanding that DID can't really be treated with meds. My previous psychiatrist tried to up my antipsychotic to deal with the dissociation, which was very unhelpful.

When we went and met the therapist though...it was a tell all. She was scribbling like mad. I hope she kept them notes for when we call back...if we remember...some of the Others don’t want integration.

[fille_folle]

I don't feel like making a new thread, and this issue kind of has to do with the original problem, anyway.

Sometimes, I am so forgetful that I have trouble sticking to my med schedule. Does anyone else struggle with this? I don't want my psychiatrist to think I'm just being lazy and noncompliant. I mean, I mostly remember to take them and at the right time. Also, I continually forget to do other stuff she tells me to do, like go to the regular doctor or get some labs. I don't want her to think I'm just a **** person who doesn't listen. Anyone can relate?

[possum220]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Hi. I have been dxed with DID for about 9 years. My previous T diagnosed me, and my current T found out, even though I tried to keep it under wraps from her (I was ashamed). Anyway, it all came out after I dissociated too severely one session and another part admitted her name. T confronted me about it the next session, and I didn't lie. She talked to my previous T and everything came out. Anyway, I don't know how much my previous psychiatrist knew, but my current psychiatrist doesn't know about my diagnosis. However, she likes to ask all these probing questions about "the times when I'm not myself" (her words, not mine) and she knows I forget stuff and time goes by too fast sometimes.

Anyway, I didn't go to my last appointment with B, my psychiatrist, a part did. This part just went to mess with me and make me worry. I am also worried because I feel like I need to tell B that I have started drinking sometimes, but if she tells me I can't because of my meds, how can I explain that I can't control myself? T asked me if I wanted her to talk to B, but I said no. I just don't know what to do. I am embarrassed and I don't like anybody knowing that I have DID. Sometimes I don't even like that previous or current T know.

Be honest as you can be with your P'doc and T. No point in going to a doctor if you dont tell them what is wrong. That's what they do. It might also be helpful for your P'doc and T to communicate in order to help you on the journey. I find that my p'doc will talk to me using family therapy techniques. My T uses schema therapy and works on a different level.

There are times that I will be embarrassed by my 'lack of control' but this is the very reason why I see them.

I find it helpful to get my meds made up by my chemist into packs that sorts these meds into daily/weekly doses so that I can keep track of what I have taken. Some meds can help your journey but you are right there is no cure for DID. Lots of hard work.