[ruh roh]

My therapist has said she only wants me to be the therapy person, that others are welcome but that I have to speak for them. I said fine, it's all me anyway, so let's just forget the DID. She said it doesn't work that way, but the way she wants to go about it--which she said is different than say, 20 years ago when she did interact with clients' alters--is supposed to make the process go more quickly. All it does, though, is hurt.


We keep going over it and she keeps saying she's not denying anyone or not allowing them in therapy, but then she follows that by saying it has to be a team where I am leading and speaking for everyone.

I understand the approach, but it is hurtful. I am wondering if others in therapy have a therapist who takes this approach? She says it's a more recent thing, that while it's not fast, it's a bit faster. It feels kind of damaging inside, but I don't have another choice except to leave therapy, which at this stage is like exiting surgery in the middle of a procedure. She has accused me of sabotaging therapy, but this seems like a much more sure fire way to force an end.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

My therapist has said she only wants me to be the therapy person, that others are welcome but that I have to speak for them. I said fine, it's all me anyway, so let's just forget the DID. She said it doesn't work that way, but the way she wants to go about it--which she said is different than say, 20 years ago when she did interact with clients' alters--is supposed to make the process go more quickly. All it does, though, is hurt.


We keep going over it and she keeps saying she's not denying anyone or not allowing them in therapy, but then she follows that by saying it has to be a team where I am leading and speaking for everyone.

I understand the approach, but it is hurtful. I am wondering if others in therapy have a therapist who takes this approach? She says it's a more recent thing, that while it's not fast, it's a bit faster. It feels kind of damaging inside, but I don't have another choice except to leave therapy, which at this stage is like exiting surgery in the middle of a procedure. She has accused me of sabotaging therapy, but this seems like a much more sure fire way to force an end.

yes i have heard of this way of doing things with DID. yes it is a new way to do things with people who have co consciousness abilities with their alters.

I did not have this happen to me but I do have a friend who is going through this kind of therapy. she said at first it did feel kind of strange and hurtful but as she continued working with her therapist it didnt feel so bad, everyone actually preferred doing things this way after a while. everyone in her system discovered that when each was having time and talking with the therapist the therapist was only getting part of the picture. she told me it was like a jig saw puzzle where each one had their own pieces of the puzzle and no one was able to complete the puzzle but then when everyone sharing by only one being the main one in therapy everyone got to share even the missing pieces of the puzzle.

example in my friends memories there was a gap at a school picnic. she couldnt remember much. three other alters each had their own version based on what part of the picnic they remembered and were responsible for remembering. no one wanted to share or tell the others. then each were making their own guesses and assumptions based on their own little pieces of memories. but then when her therapist said no more everyone doing things their own way, everyone has to share with one and the one will do the talking. after everyone shared with the one and the one shared what everyone knew they had a clearer picture of what happened.

no one was getting upset anymore about this one told the therapist this wrong or that wasnt right and I want things this way. everyone was finally on the same page.

I asked my friend if it was like having too many cooks in the kitchen or too many doctors doing things there own way then the cooks get together and plan one menu or doctors talk with each other so that they are all doing things the same way. she said yes like that. its strange at first but she stuck it out and now her alters are all talking together and all agreeing on what to do about things when before they were not.

my suggestion is talk with the therapist maybe there is a way that you and your alters can ease into this new way of treatment for you all. maybe have a couple alters each with their own group of alters to be responsible for. where there is a couple different ones talking to the therapist for so many sessions then changing to less and less until everyone is used to sharing and talking in the new way of doing things.

[Amyjay]

Wow. I don't understand how that is even possible. I don't know about you but our host person puts like maximum effort into not switching and is only ever successful at that until a trigger comes along and then she is gone. It happens multiple times a day out of therapy and multiple times a day IN therapy so she/we just couldn't do that. It would literally be impossible for her.
I really don't know how your therapist can expect that of you, and wonder if she even understands DID because if she did surely she wouldn't have that expectation. Or maybe I am missing something here??

Anyway my T talks to whoever is present. She acknowledges whoever is present if they want to be acknowledged and she never ever asks for any one of us to step forward or step back.

I am sorry that your therapist takes that approach, I know it definitely wouldn't work for us simply because we could not meet that standard no matter how hard we tried to.

[ruh roh]

Thanks amyjay, I don;t know how to make it happen either. I have had a lot of medical issues that have triggers lots of switching. If I could control it, I would not be in therapy.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

yes i have heard of this way of doing things with DID. yes it is a new way to do things with people who have co consciousness abilities with their alters.

I did not have this happen to me but I do have a friend who is going through this kind of therapy. she said at first it did feel kind of strange and hurtful but as she continued working with her therapist it didnt feel so bad, everyone actually preferred doing things this way after a while. everyone in her system discovered that when each was having time and talking with the therapist the therapist was only getting part of the picture. she told me it was like a jig saw puzzle where each one had their own pieces of the puzzle and no one was able to complete the puzzle but then when everyone sharing by only one being the main one in therapy everyone got to share even the missing pieces of the puzzle.

example in my friends memories there was a gap at a school picnic. she couldnt remember much. three other alters each had their own version based on what part of the picnic they remembered and were responsible for remembering. no one wanted to share or tell the others. then each were making their own guesses and assumptions based on their own little pieces of memories. but then when her therapist said no more everyone doing things their own way, everyone has to share with one and the one will do the talking. after everyone shared with the one and the one shared what everyone knew they had a clearer picture of what happened.

no one was getting upset anymore about this one told the therapist this wrong or that wasnt right and I want things this way. everyone was finally on the same page.

I asked my friend if it was like having too many cooks in the kitchen or too many doctors doing things there own way then the cooks get together and plan one menu or doctors talk with each other so that they are all doing things the same way. she said yes like that. its strange at first but she stuck it out and now her alters are all talking together and all agreeing on what to do about things when before they were not.

my suggestion is talk with the therapist maybe there is a way that you and your alters can ease into this new way of treatment for you all. maybe have a couple alters each with their own group of alters to be responsible for. where there is a couple different ones talking to the therapist for so many sessions then changing to less and less until everyone is used to sharing and talking in the new way of doing things.

Wow, amanadalouise, this is so helpful. I missed your post the first time I looked, but I'm really glad I came back to see the thread again. I had thought maybe my therapist was making this up and was trying to force me out of therapy.


I don't feel that I have much control over who is out, but maybe she sees this as a way to push me out of what has turned into several months of therapy hell with others running things. I thought it was that she was rejecting them, even though she kept saying she wasn't. It just felt like doubletalk from her.

I will consider all that you've written here and talk to my therapist about it.

Thank you so much.

She talks to all of us, all the time. She tailors how she talks, what she does, her tone of voice, etc, to whoever she is talking to, for instance she talks way different to the children than she does to the teenagers. We switch naturally all through out the day so it would be impossible for her to just talk to the “main person” who has not been around for ten years anyway.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

She talks to all of us, all the time. She tailors how she talks, what she does, her tone of voice, etc, to whoever she is talking to, for instance she talks way different to the children than she does to the teenagers. We switch naturally all through out the day so it would be impossible for her to just talk to the “main person” who has not been around for ten years anyway.

Thank you starry night. Do you think one reason you can do it that way is that you communicate with your therapist for hours at a time or several days in a row at times? I recently went from 2 times a week to once a week, thinking I didn't need it, so at once a week, it has been just one or two running things since then, with not many others or myself being able to participate much. It has been a nightmare.

eta: my therapist said she used to do it the way you describe with your therapist. I imagine she spent more session time with clients then too.

[zoiecat]

I can see where the "new" way might be helpful but I think it also depends on how much cooperation and control you have between parts. I am the host and I don't remember much of anything relative to the 55 years I have been on this planet. 99% of my first 19 years are held by others and they have shared very little. I know some of the worst of it but the fragments are very small.

My T talks to whoever comes out to talk. He will usually ask to speak to me before the end of session. When I don't know an answer to something he will tell me to ask around. Sometimes this is successful, sometimes not. Sometimes he will ask to speak directly to the one who is providing the answers. It all depends.

I don't think my others would appreciate not being able to come out and talk if they want to especially since they have always been welcomed in the past. I think telling them they can now only talk through me in session would cause an uprising.

[TrailRunner14]

There have been times that I was obviously in the back seat and another part of me was talking to my counselor.

It’s not usually evident to him and we have talked about it being so under the radar. I usually spend the week after that session trying to sort out what happened.

I really believe that he would welcome talking to any part of me that wanted to announce itself. To me, if he didn’t, it would cause a rupture of trust that has been built with him among all my parts.

It’s kind of weird to think about some of the times that I was really in the back seat and he didn’t realize it. Weird from my perspective.

i think that is a lot of the reason why, yes. She has spent hundreds of hours with each of us, even though there are many of us. She knows each of us very ell, our likes and dislikes, ways we interract, our different things we share about what happened to each of us, even down to what foods we like and dislike. She knows each of us well.

I don’t know if I can do this because we are in and out like popcorn....but I can see the benefits of it.

[fille_folle]

No, my T does not operate that way. I would also feel hurt if she acted as though I was supposed to somehow be able to control myself. My DID is a deep source of shame for me, and I would feel further shamed by my inability to "speak" for the others. If I could do that, I wouldn't really need her involved. Well, maybe I would, but I wouldn't be such a mess, I don't think. The most she has ever done was to ask me to let her know if I feel like I'm going away during times when she has been trying to talk to me about what someone else has said to her. She says it's not that someone else coming is a bad thing, and she can talk to them, it's just that in that particular session we're both working toward me learning about something specific, and that can't happen if I leave. So that doesn't make me feel like she's just sick and tired of dealing with my craziness.

[possum220]

I am not co-conscious. It's like they are ninja's and throw themselves in without me having a say in it and I am stuck behind. I could not do what is being asked of you.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

My therapist has said she only wants me to be the therapy person, that others are welcome but that I have to speak for them. I said fine, it's all me anyway, so let's just forget the DID. She said it doesn't work that way, but the way she wants to go about it--which she said is different than say, 20 years ago when she did interact with clients' alters--is supposed to make the process go more quickly. All it does, though, is hurt.


We keep going over it and she keeps saying she's not denying anyone or not allowing them in therapy, but then she follows that by saying it has to be a team where I am leading and speaking for everyone.

I understand the approach, but it is hurtful. I am wondering if others in therapy have a therapist who takes this approach? She says it's a more recent thing, that while it's not fast, it's a bit faster. It feels kind of damaging inside, but I don't have another choice except to leave therapy, which at this stage is like exiting surgery in the middle of a procedure. She has accused me of sabotaging therapy, but this seems like a much more sure fire way to force an end.

No, my therapist does not do this. If she did, she would not be our therapist. Personally, I reject this experiment - and frankly, that's what it is - someone had a theory about how to proceed with DID patients and some are trying it out. Slightly faster (assuming that they're correct in that assertion) isn't worth it if it causes unnecessary discomfort for an individual who has a condition brought on by severe trauma. We've suffered enough.

What happened to patient centered? Or trauma informed? And I've got to tell you, accusing you of 'sabotaging therapy' sounds frightening like an abusive spouse (parent/significant other/etc) blaming the victim for not liking what they are doing to them.

[ruh roh]

I had my session today and it went well. We talked about all of this. She is not keeping anyone out of therapy. These past several months have been impossible doing it the old way, which amounted to one or two dominating and setting therapy on fire pretty much. I understand better what she is proposing, and it is more about cooperation, not silencing or shutting anyone out. Also, she is going to get me back in for more sessions, as going down to once a week turned out to be a disaster and led to the takeover from one in particular who can't handle leading things. My therapist will be retiring and it's important to get as far along as we can with this. I lost about 5 months and need to get back on track.


So basically, it's all good. I appreciate everyone's input.

[Amyjay]

That's awesome Ruh Roh.

[TrailRunner14]

I’m so glad that it went well and things got sorted out!

It sounds very workable for you and actually more orderly, internally.

I hope it helps you get to the point you are working towards.

[dlantern]

She probably is a prick for not realizing everyone isn't safe for therapy. A quick look in on her material would have made it more conducive, at least not the say that to you. To write the wrong with that alter just educate it on why this happens espeically if there is history on what was happening.. Sometimes you just cant wait no one has such expertise on what not to intersect mess phase aside. I'd use the same alter to have a similar message if you can keep it hopeful that oh yea I belong here for this reason if not really using name but some other thing to get it present in therapy just track its history at one time not knowing is just that not really anyone's, fault necessarily

That wouldn't work for me. Hope it does for you. My T has gotten info & clarifications from insiders the system as a whole did not have. I have two who would rather talk to him then anyone inside! They say he doesn't get 'upset'. Early in therapy, before dx, he even played games with the younger ones who held the memories. He made them feel safe from abusers at his office. Safe enough to let us know they existed & the nature of the abuse. We didn't know we were DID. We went for another issue which wasn't improving. He has also seen relationships between issues across alters we never would have figured out. Our one rule: no secrets. He tells the system or host whatever he's told. He adds his judgement & expertise. As I often comment...we are the only system we have ever known. He has worked successfully with many, many systems. Let us know how it goes.








QUOTE=ruh roh;6148523]My therapist has said she only wants me to be the therapy person, that others are welcome but that I have to speak for them. I said fine, it's all me anyway, so let's just forget the DID. She said it doesn't work that way, but the way she wants to go about it--which she said is different than say, 20 years ago when she did interact with clients' alters--is supposed to make the process go more quickly. All it does, though, is hurt.


We keep going over it and she keeps saying she's not denying anyone or not allowing them in therapy, but then she follows that by saying it has to be a team where I am leading and speaking for everyone.

I understand the approach, but it is hurtful. I am wondering if others in therapy have a therapist who takes this approach? She says it's a more recent thing, that while it's not fast, it's a bit faster. It feels kind of damaging inside, but I don't have another choice except to leave therapy, which at this stage is like exiting surgery in the middle of a procedure. She has accused me of sabotaging therapy, but this seems like a much more sure fire way to force an end.[/QUOTE]