Possible trigger:

I wish I could be dismantled like an atraction at the funfair

then I could order new parts... a new back, a new stomach, new arms and be put together again

[stahrgeyzer]

I've also been feeling suicidal, even planning. I hope Abilify works for me. I've been waiting 2 days for psychiatrist to submit the request to CVS pharmacy for Abilify. Nothing. I called the office today. He called me to apologize.

I'm so tired of these cycles. It's a nightmare to be so suicidal & depressed for a few days to a few weeks, like I weigh a million pounds and can't do anything, then feeling a little happy for a few days. Something's wrong with my brain. I've tried zoloft, wellbutrin, lexapro antidepressants. They aren't working. Seroquel hasn't working.

I showered today.
pretty painfull, but it is done now.

it is cooler today too. not by much but it is

mcdonalds later..

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I've also been feeling suicidal, even planning. I hope Abilify works for me. I've been waiting 2 days for psychiatrist to submit the request to CVS pharmacy for Abilify. Nothing. I called the office today. He called me to apologize.

I'm so tired of these cycles. It's a nightmare to be so suicidal & depressed for a few days to a few weeks, like I weigh a million pounds and can't do anything, then feeling a little happy for a few days. Something's wrong with my brain. I've tried zoloft, wellbutrin, lexapro antidepressants. They aren't working. Seroquel hasn't working.

I took lexapro for a bit too, and I don't remember it doing much for me either.

hugs

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing pretty good, but I still dissociate a lot.

[stahrgeyzer]

Our system is feeling better since Cayla started co-fronting. We're trying to stabilize, focus on the present, watching youtube videos of happy people. Cayla & Host

need to focus more on the present.
I don't do enough of that

I had mcdonalds yesterday. yum...

yesterday I saw a comercial for a shop I have never been to in my life

and now, even though I don't need anything from their, I really want to go their

I guess just for the experience of going their..

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling sad. My therapist just texted me saying I need more intensive care than what she can give me. She's still wants to give me therapy, but only until we can find the appropriate place for me. This is my 3rd therapist and I'm very tired of being tossed off to the next person. Sometimes life just really sucks!

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Feeling sad. My therapist just texted me saying I need more intensive care than what she can give me. She's still wants to give me therapy, but only until we can find the appropriate place for me. This is my 3rd therapist and I'm very tired of being tossed off to the next person. Sometimes life just really sucks!

I am so sorry, stahrgeyzer!! Please hang in there! This might turn out ok. Tell her how this feels. OK?

[stahrgeyzer]

Thanks Breaking Dawn. I'll tell her.

it feels good that for once in my life my email inbox has a reasonable amount of emails.

so bad at deleting them after I've finished them

[stahrgeyzer]

Today is therapy. I need to ask her why. People with more trauma have therapist. Why can they have a therapist and I can’t?

[stahrgeyzer]

I learned a trick. When I get depressed or suicidal I focus on little Paul. He comes out smiling and happy.

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling ok. Therapist wants to find me an IOP group therapy that meets like 3 hours a day every day. She said it's not a good idea for me to have 2 therapists at once. Once the IOP therapy is finished we can have normal weekly therapist.

[Breaking Dawn]

Sounds good, stahrgeyzer!

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I learned a trick. When I get depressed or suicidal I focus on little Paul. He comes out smiling and happy.

we have little alisha for that

she likes to be called leesh which I always found cute...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I learned a trick. When I get depressed or suicidal I focus on little Paul. He comes out smiling and happy.

That's great I have a cub like that too

[stahrgeyzer]

Bears are cute. A lady once told me my animal protectors are bears and otters. Not sure what means.

I like psychiatrist. They get right to the point and drug you up.

Letuda, no more abilify.

How did it get to be Tuesday?

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Bears are cute. A lady once told me my animal protectors are bears and otters. Not sure what means.

I like psychiatrist. They get right to the point and drug you up.

Letuda, no more abilify.

How did it get to be Tuesday?

I was just saying to someone it felt like a thursday

I don't know.