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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
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#561
Very strange dissociating episodes recently.
I don't know if it's another me that's doing things or myself just not recording an activity/experience. If it is someone else, he/she never talks to me or leaves a note. None of the voices remember these things being done or who did them. But yesterday morning an unknown voice was singing "I made a sandwich for you" over & over. Later when I went to the kitchen I found a half eaten sandwich, which I had no memory of. I ended up finishing the sandwich, & I'm still feeling bewildered about it. __________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
Alatea, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
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6 24.3k hugs
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#562
Feeling like im watching myself in a movie lately. I feel like im not present anymore. I have mixed emotions right now.
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Alatea, Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#563
Quote:
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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Alatea, SprinkL3, Taylor27
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Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
given |
#564
Quote:
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Alatea, Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#565
Me, too!
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
Alatea, SprinkL3, Taylor27
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Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,348
6 5,660 hugs
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#566
I'm tired of this endless manic depressive cycles every week. Last night was bad so somehow Little Paul came out. I wish he would stay out all the time.
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Alatea, Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, Taylor27
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: InMyHead
Posts: 61
4 439 hugs
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#567
Hi everyone! I feel stupid to rant, as I am not in such a terrible state that I was in last year...but...
I am afraid that my professional part took over, and keeps distracting all other needs or wishes by maintaining a tight work schedule. I saw my mother in the street and hid from her. For two months after that, I was shaking internally day and night, to the point of not being able to stand it any longer. I took something to calm me down, but it didn’t work, until I tried to talk internally. I also used a really powerful image of a ray of light, and I turned it in my imagination into a glass-like waterfall, that washed right through me, and the shakings were gone. There were other things too, the abuser who calls himself my father sent me a FB request, again. The next door neighbour, after I asked her to mind the house regulations, insulted my way of life in every possible sense, calling me mentally ill, childless, friendless, family-less, jobless, reclusive, isolated and selfish. She also called me autistic, as that is apparently an insult in her mind. I never had an opportunity to hear such things about me from someone who apparently hates me, it seemed so irrational to be insulted on the basis of being discrete. I first thought nothing of it, but I think it influenced me on some level that I am not able to translate to feelings yet. After that, I heard that my mother went to see my husband’s parents, whom he doesn’t talk to either, as they were as abusive as mine. I know it should not bother me, but I keep seeing such acts of agression as a continuation of the abuse I already suffered. Grr. Thank you for letting me rant... |
Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27, zoiecat
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Breaking Dawn
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#568
Thank you, @Alatea, for joining us!
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
Alatea, Taylor27
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Alatea
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,348
6 5,660 hugs
given |
#569
Little Paul’s kinda close to the front, and Clara’s been watching me lately. She’s like a nurse in that she’s very caring. No idea where cayla and the rest are.
I want to make an appointment with primary care dr for blood test just to see if all my symptoms are from cancer but I won’t because then they’ll want to treat me with chemotherapy. I want to ask T on Monday if it’s ok & normal to not want to live. I haven’t wanted to in the last decade. Can’t even imagine what it must feel like to want to live. Must feel amazing. |
Alatea, Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, Taylor27, zoiecat
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
7 409 hugs
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#570
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Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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Legendary
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 16,689
(SuperPoster!)
4 42.2k hugs
given |
#571
It's been awfully hard lately. I try to talk positive to myself. I keep trying to talk to them, but that seems to be a waste of time. One of them, the worst one, keeps getting worse, very cruel. I cry a lot & pray. I'm always wishing he would disappear. I could put up with the others & get my life back. That would be so wonderful.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,348
6 5,660 hugs
given |
#572
I'm trying hard to stabilize to end horrible manic/depressive cycles. I finally ended my therapy. Monday was sad because that's when therapy is but I didn't have therapy. T seemed very hesitant to end therapy. Something just doesn't feel right. I think the problem is that I think about my problems too much and just need a break from therapy. That was the plan, at least. I just got an email from a therapist asking for my phone # to talk about therapy. I'm nervous because I'd like to know who contacted this therapist. Maybe Clara.
I just can't seem to do important things without one of the others stepping in and stopping me! One thing I learned years ago is that I can't even end my own life because one of them steps in and stops it. It makes me feel like this isn't even my life. I get it. They're just caring for me. That's what they say. |
Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, Taylor27
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752
(SuperPoster!)
2 10.9k hugs
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#573
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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Breaking Dawn
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752
(SuperPoster!)
2 10.9k hugs
given |
#574
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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Breaking Dawn
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
given |
#575
I am not feeling well right now emotionally. I went to my session on Thursday and 5 mins into it til supper, everything was a blur. I phoned my t yesterday and left a message explaining to her that I am in a middle of a dissociation episode and feel overwhelmed.
This is the first time I have asked for help when i am this way. |
Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752
(SuperPoster!)
2 10.9k hugs
given |
#576
Quote:
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Breaking Dawn, Taylor27
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Taylor27
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#577
I had flashbacks of my mother's abuse yesterday
ugg. she doesn't leave me alone even though she'sno where near me. hate flashbacks |
Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2021
Location: DELETED
Posts: 2,752
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2 10.9k hugs
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#578
Raging Vortex,
So sorry you had flashbacks yesterday. We hate flashbacks, too. Hope you feel better. |
Breaking Dawn, Taylor27
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
given |
#579
Quote:
I am starting to understand myself. For many years I always thought it was anxiety crisis mode. Now I am understanding that it's part of dissociation and it might mean I have parts too. I am relieved that im starting to come to terms, it's scary. I think my therapist is trained to help |
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Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3
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healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
given |
#580
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Breaking Dawn, SprinkL3, stahrgeyzer
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