Sorry to post again, but you all here are much smarter and much wiser then myself and your input is always appreciated.

One of my alts keeps writing me notes (communication for once, wow) that he wants a "collective name for us all". It's not the first time I've gotten that request and I'm not really sure what to think. I guess he means a name for the entire system instead of just "me and everyone else".

Another alt said I should try to use "we" more often instead of "I". This is an alt, Hyena, who I'm really trying to patch things up with because I know our different opinions have caused/are causing a rift. I'm not really sure why or if I want to.

He said that, and also that he may draw me a "plan" of us all so I can "better understand". Honestly now I'm just super confused.

(Sorry if this part offends). I kind of hate the idea that I have to share "my" body with others and that it's not really "my" body or anything. I don't know what's "mine" and what's "ours" and I wonder sometimes if there is a "me" or just a "we". When do I say me, when do I say we?



Well, switchy and confused. At least this means they are writing down stuff so I can avoid a repeat of what what happened a few days back.

[Kiya]

yes - communication is better than non =)
I, too, have a name all of us answer to (kiya). It is not the name of the body or the name we used for however many years. It is easier to answer to this name because the name of the body is truly a different alter and effects us so. There is less switching when the name Kiya is used.
Good luck with it!
Kiya

[(JD)]

Yes, one name they all can answer to, when in public or filling in forms etc is good. It would be easier if it's one on the birth certificate, or a nick name to that.

As for using "we" instead of "I" I would caution against that. In public -especially around people you work with- it might be noticed that you do that. Some insecure people do talk that way though, always using "we" when it's just them. If you can manage to consider them such as during therapy sessions, and say "we" when it truly is a "we" decision or event, that might help therapy move along.

Glad to see you are developing communication!

[wanttoheal]

Hi Griffe,
Here, it appears as if the body answers to the birth certificate name. I've been told though that one of the nicknames of the name causes a lot of distress (and anger). Other names are rarely told, according to T, because of safety reasons.

Just remember, it's all you. There are just barriers in your brain. It's not a different person inside your body. It is hard sometimes to remember that because it doesn't feel it, but maybe you can keep telling yourself that to help?

As far as "I" or "we", I'm not sure it matters? T has said sometimes I say "I" and sometimes "we". I guess it depends on which part of my brain is talking. I don't guess I ever worried about it.

People who know me just think I'm eccentric so I think when "we" is said, they just think it's my dead husband and that I got confused or that I included one of my children in my conversation, lol. People who don't know me don't even think about it, I'm sure. Sometimes people have said, "who is we?" and I guess they get some kind of answer.

Before, I didn't even know it and it always seems to work out so I've not really worried about it.

Thank you everyone.

The only problem with the name on my birth certificate is I hate it, and really no one refers to me as it, with the exception of alters sometimes who use it to refer to me. Some of them call me Jude (the name on the certificate) and some say Vince (the name I prefer to use). Both refer to me though.

I wrote down a list kind of asking them what sort of name they want. I suggested Griffe (after all, it is the user name I use) but they said that was "too much referring to me".

They really like the "The Pack" or "The Pride" because of the animal names but I think I'll look awfully loony if I go around referring to us as that, but I don't know. Now that we're finally communicating it's hard to. Trying to please everyone, including me.

Saying "we" when I'm referring to the whole system when I'm with people who I trust and who understand the situation makes sense, like when I get into seeing a T. But you're right, I don't want to go around and talk to work-mates saying "we" or they'll think I'm very loony.

Thank you all as always.

[Kiya]

"As far as "I" or "we", I'm not sure it matters? T has said sometimes I say "I" and sometimes "we". I guess it depends on which part of my brain is talking. I don't guess I ever worried about it."

Same here - I use it both ways in t. Sometimes in public - very few ppl have ever said anything. And I can always say "Me, myself and I."

We also have the name of the certificate... thus the change. Haven't made it legal yet, but I probably soon will (though I keep saying that.... why does time go so fast?).

To get our name, we sat in silence and asked for it. It took several weeks, but one day the name was heard and we accepted it. best!! Kiya

I wrote down a few names, left an area for suggestions, a couple of them seem really keen on referring to ourselves as "The Pack". I was hoping maybe they'd decide a singular name would be better.

I'll give it some time and sit and think on it... thanks Kiya. Hope you're well.

[onlymedid]

With T I sometimes say "we", but never out in public with people besides my BF.
As for names....everyone knows that the entire system goes by BJ for public purposes, but when we are at home or in T, we can go by everyone else's names.

I agree, it is SO confusing, but to try to stop the confusion we had to agree on being called BJ.

There's gotta be another name you all can agree on. Maybe you can explain that everyone gets to put in a singular name and then there can be a poll or a flip of the coin or something like that to help? IDK, just a thought.

Many safe hugs to you!

BJ

[Luce]

We too wish we had a system name, but try as we might we can't find one that suits us all.

As it is we answer to the body's name, but as far as we know there is no-one here who actually claims that name as their own. Plus, we *hate* the body's name. Because we are not that person! It is all so frustrating.

We often slip up and ue 'we' in public. It seems to go by unnoticed most of the time. Or people assume we are talking about us and someone else. I don't worry about it too much.

my 2 cents..

I use... a nickname of my birth certficate name out in public... that everyone goes by.... the "real name" is offensive to some alters and not to others... so the compromise is the nickname..

For "me".. I know.. I use "we" sometimes in public.. and I don't worry about it all that much...

my total system name is "all of us"... literally.....

One.. of my alters uses the full birth certificate name as her name... in therapy -

If either of my therapists... calls my full name... while getting me from the waiting room - it is highly offensive to some of the alters - they say on the inside.. that is not me... I hate that name... so.. both T try very hard to use the nickname...

my talk therapist..."I" identify... who is speaking... and most times.. he can tell...

I do know.. for me names are highly important...

And early on... I had lots of problems.. adjusting to.. having alters.. whether it was "my" life... or not.. and then it just hit me... it is all me... they are me.. I am them... it is my life.. and all is good...