Can I share names?

I'd like to get some guidance on what is ok. ......
I have had this experience in therapy which sort of did me both good, and a lot of harm. It was with a therapist from an organisation with a specific approach. I would like to be able to name them in case anyone is working with people with the same training as I'd love to be able to compare notes.

I rang them form the UK because I discovered I had a pd, I disocovered it through reading literature and dxed myself, so I made contact. I got rediagnosed with another pd, and when I read the literarature on that one, - schizoid, it made absolute sense and fitted my expereince.
I loved how she understood me in some ways, she understood my experiences of the pd like nothing i've come accross, but it was like she didnt expect me to do anything that was well, when I behaved healthily, she disengaged from me and I was longing for understanding and recognition from her. Like when she made a mistake about the bill and undercharged me, I did the honest thing and told her and she went all formal and po-faced in tone. I challenged her about this, and she admitted she had felt embarrassed, and I was so over the moon, at this bit of understanding between us, but then she reverted, .......................its a long, long story of subtle hidden agendas, - thats as I see it, she'd say, 'transferernce' I expect, - I'd say "its my disorder in a tangle with yours!', only i'm admitting mine!. Well I spent 2 years feeling paralysed and obsessed. But I was rivetted. I left and came back several times.

I want to say who they were to see if anybody has also experiences of them. I want to go back eventually, and not get ill as i did before with them. And also i want to have the strength to tell them exactly what they did wrong. ( I say them, because I tried several, they all had this wierd behaviour each in thier own way, like as if trying to undermine me. Yet, I feel so, so attached and involved with her/ him/ them, I love the truth that is in the literature and I am at the same time in horror at the pathologisation that comes through. (IMO). It feels to me like they are my home page, and I want to go back there and tell them they're all in big trouble!, I can show each one how they acted out and were manipulative. I can becaus I wrote copious amounts of journal. I want to say: "I love you and what you have said, it is truth to me, but now, its time you all started to practice what you preach. "I'm going to hold you to your task" and then talk to them in such away that there is no clever comeback, such as they always had, and hold to my truth and my silence, till I feel totally satisfied that I have done my best.

If anyone has a recommendation of a T. or pdoc who is good and who understands the disorders, I'd love to hear about it.

I've really gone on here now. I've needed to really speak openly about my expereinces. I may sound mad or arrogant, and i'm sure it may seem like its transference off the scale. Maybe it is, but what if it isnt??
As my T. said "ITS YOUR JOB TO STICK TO YOUR OWN TRUTH, WETHER WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP, OR YOUR WORK, OR YOUR THERAPIST. Well, I proceeded to attempt to do that with her and failed consistently. She was so ....................... how to describe her,............??...... sure she was right, magnanimous, lovely .... her voice, that is, so................. like I changed shape inside and couldnt help wanting to please her, ......auughghghg !!

Yuk, felt awful, not meant to be that way, giving my power away so much. but I was entranced. Not good.

I feel saner now I'm out of it, but havent solved my problem and intend to find a way to deal with this.

This has been terribly long, thank you so much for listening, if you've reached the end here with me. I really needed to get some of that out.

We used to have a therapist rating feature on here, but I can't find it now. Maybe it is gone. But there is a place under "ratings" to rate psychotherapies. You can certainly name the approach used, as that is relevant information if you want to talk about what helped and what didn't. I'd suggest (and this is just me) using initials or a pseudonym to talk about the therapists on the forums. If you want to exchange actual names, maybe PM would be better. Confidentiality does belong to the client, but it seems respectful to think of the confidentiality of people we know IRL, including therapists, also, especially if you have informal complaints to talk about.

Therapy can be really confusing, and therapists make mistakes, and it is frustrating when they won't admit it. Sometimes the therapist's own issues does get in the way, and that is unfortunate. My therapist will admit generally that she makes mistakes, but if I think I have caught one, she always says that's not one. She has said that I want her to screw up, because then it would make it okay for me to screw up too, but she won't.

I don't see anything wrong with having an opinion about a specific organization (we talk about Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, for example) or type of therapy you have experienced. I think you might be worried because you haven't had a wholly positive experience and feel bad you didn't like it but that's your experience and that is always okay to talk about!

Thanks for the replies.

The thing is that the main man named the approach after himself, which, now I see that his errrrrrrrr.......... somewhat self promotion is potentially not so good for him here. It was the Masterson approach. Was it you Rap. who read 'Search for the Real Self'? I'd love to talk about that with anyone who has come accrss it. I gather not everyone reacts the way I have done. It sort of totally changed all my thinking, but then I got obsessed with the whole thing, I was captured in fantasy, the whole thing got totally overcooked within me. Melt down!!!

I read a lot of their literature, and got hooked. It explained so much of my lifetime expereinces. But I was deeply troubled at the same time by this hierarchical attitude threaded through the whole thing. So, that I found the therapy difficult wasnt surprising, only I was hoping I'd break throught the difficlulties.

Rapunzel, you dont seem too perturbed that your T denied mistakes, how do you feel about this when it has happened?

I think I was caught in a massive reaction. In fact since I talked about it here, it feels like I let the flood burst and its a bit more of a 'sowhat', but these intensity of feelings come and go. I just hope I reach a true resolution, as I stil want to go back at some point.

I guess my feelings were so, so intense.

riverX..

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RiverX said:
This has been terribly long, thank you so much for listening, if you've reached the end here with me. I really needed to get some of that out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My reaction is that you have been extremely articulate and insightful about what happened.

"Masterson" is not something that rings a bell with me. Can you do a Google search or something?

It is interesting reading other people's comments at Amazon about Search for the Real Self: http://www.amazon.com/Search-Real-Se...dp/0029202922/

The first guy claims Masterson is a has-been/ineffectual.

I know what you mean, River, about being caught up in a particular theory; I did that with Karen Horney's book, Self Analysis: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Analysis-.../dp/1406797480 back 30+ years ago :-) I think we all get our pet ideas/theories of what will "work" for us and then can get messed up when they stop fitting right or get proved wrong, etc. I don't think any one theory/idea/person/whatever is "big" enough to solve all our problems and figure us out completely?

Perna, I agree. That's why I think if you are seeing a therapist it is so helpful if he/she has a big and diverse toolbox. Because not all "tools" work in all situations with all people, so it is great for the T to be able to whip out a new tool if a certain approach isn't working.

Great, thank you, I'm already fascinated, I'll go and read that.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I know what you mean, River, about being caught up in a particular theory;

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm sure you're right, but my goodness! this is the biggest reaction I have ever had. Actually, it really has clarified things, but being me, I went to such extremes, he got ino my head and followed me round forever. I was doing some recovery work with a freind, trying to work through this stuff, and I told her how stuck he got in my head I used to say, "ok, cm'on Dr.M. time to do the hoovering". Then she told me me and him got stuck in her head and me and him were doing the hoovering with her. And we're not even in the same country! Wonderfully disorderdered I recon. At least we got some extended giggles out of this

It has been really helpful sharing here and listenign to others. Theres lots more I still need to work through and understand.

thanks for that.