Could someone go into detail?

Hi, just wondering if aanyone here could or would go into some detail that your comfortable with about what it's like, feels, looks, etc to have two or more distinct personality states??
Can you seem normal even to you husband?
Cuz sure took a long time for him to see my complex issue rather than just moody...
Like day to day living or what it feels like in a state and back again?
Do you feel what happens or no? Can you control any of your actions and how? And why is it we can have this so long, not even know this is why we react the way we do, and i forgot what i was getting at, maybe someone knows here.

I don't think I've ever seemed normal to anyone , but no one knows I have DID, I think. They just think I'm weird, eccentric, weird, a little crazy, and did I say weird? lol

I suppose some might but I'm not open to discussion about it in my 3D world so no one brings it up. I guess if they did though, I'd deny it anyway.

I never know when I'm not here for the most part without doing some awareness checking and investigating. I think we have had it so long and not known it because it was our brain's way of protecting us, even from ourselves. Otherwise we might not be safe in an unsafe situation.

Take care. It will get better.

If I may Wanttoheal, Why do they think your weird, what clues do they get that you are? Like everybodies different, is it you flippedness~~change of mind , things like that? How do you know they think your weird?

Well, DID is a broad spectrum and the more ppl learn about it the more they see that it can be really different for each person. There's some good books out there like
"The DID Sourcebook" ... gosh, what else did I read? I gave them to t.... so i don't remember.

I'm different from W2H in that I am either co-conscious or rapid cycling switching. So, the parts know what is going on nearly all the time (in the big picture) and if they don't they catch up pretty fast. Because they switch every few minutes. It is their/my understanding and perception of the world that changes. So one minutes I'm 30ish, next I am 8. One minute I'm driving, next I'm wondering why I am on the freeway and where I'm going, then i know and I am lil and holding the ear of my stuffy rabbit while someone with knowledge of driving works from behind the lil.

It is all confusing to me - but it works to some degree or I wouldn't still be on the planet.

Try to record the experiences you are aware of - that is the easiest way to see patterns. =) kiya

What's it been like for me being DID?

As far as I understand how it works for me, there wasn't a whole lot of switching going on unless there was danger/abuse going on. Otherwise it seems like the hosts kept changing over the years as life situations changed.

One alter was host during my messed up marriage at 17 until the strongest one,Jinx, had had enough and put together an escape.

Whoever she assigned to seek that escape latched on to another man and away we went. I know of several who dealt with #2 until again a stronger alter had enough and the submissive one had to take a backseat while again another arranged to get away.

The next three years from 74-77 I had an interesting time. Jinx enrolled us in school and got great grades for us. Angelina was out partying on the week-ends, while another one did the whole religious/church thing on Sunday. The different aspects of my life were kept VERY seperate. The people I met along the way never crossed paths so very different actions and beliefs went un-noticed. I have very vague memories of this time. I had three little kids at that time and learned that Mama Jude took care of them.

I met a man at church and married and moved to the west coast and I'm really foggy on many of those years. I'm sure Mama Jude took care of the kids, Judith did her church thing, and Judy #? acted appropriately.

There was a move back to the mid-west, 2 years there, a move back to west coast in 81.

Things got out of control in 86 when one of my kids got in trouble at high school and the family was ordered to therapy. Whatever programming was in place to hide the system, hide the abuse, and Do Not Tell, kicked in and things got slowly crazier.

One of my kids revealed abuse that had been going on and I threw my husband out and the therapy increased and the chaos increased. People around me could certainly tell something was wrong but with so much going on in the family it was chalked up to that. I ended up in the pysch ward three times before the diagnosis was made.

My family of origin had disowned me at 16, and perhaps the system has kept my world small purposely. Few if any friends. My husbands were highly disfunctional and more focused on themselves so detecting my problem was easier to miss?

My system was very good at flying under the radar! Certain situations would bring out help if needed. Some certainly had their fields of expertise. Jynx dealt with the intellectual/practical, Angelina social situations and shopping. Judith the spiritual stuff. Lily the protection/system watch duties. And on and on. I know I'm not the same host that lived in another city a few years ago. I have the memories, well most of them, but no connection to the people back there.

I sometimes feel like we re-create ourselves with every life change. In therapy over a 9 year period we broke through the do not tell barriers and the programming and had a lot of integration. But they were able to choose to integrate or not and the strongest ones chose not to and we were good with that.

I'm the host now, Judee #?, on my own most of the time. Although just last night something angered one of them and I could feel her rage and had a hard time hiding it in a social setting. But we journaled about it and I understand the upset.

We are not functioning under the do not tell rule but we choose to stay quiet about our history, our diagnosis, because of the ignorance in the world towards what isn't understood. We choose peace.

This is soooo very long but hopefully you get a sense of what we are about?

I have barely touched the surface of all we have done or who we are but I hope it helps.

Judee and company

I think it is quite easily overlooked by those people who are not looking for this disorder. Just look at all the physicians who don't "see" it, not to mention psychiatrists.

We see people day in and day out, in the regular course of daily living (at the store, waiting in line at the post office, eating at a restaurant) who might do something "quirky" or "moody" and not think of them being dissociative, right? I'm sure that it only feels like everyone knows to you, because you are seeing it from the inside. Trust me, most people do just chalk it up to a bad day, or moody person, or even someone a bit "quirky."

Wow JudeeB, I can relate to so much of what you're saying. Here though, nothing much gets said due to secrets that still have to be kept. But I so relate to things falling apart. When son started going through some stuff, it caused some major structure damage (brain and system wise) that made what worked before not work anymore. That's when I was told I had DID. T said though, it usually happens like that. Something happens that makes the system not work as well. She said if not son, it would have been something else.

Thanks for sharing your story.