[multipixie9]

Sorry, I don't know the icon for triggers and we may write stuff that triggers memories for someone.

i'm very worried. we are sposed to go on vacation with our family on Saturday and I'm TERRIFIED. I don't know why. I think it is just because of 6 people together in a van and two of them are my daughters husband/boyfriend peoples. My left knee is swelling and hurting and I can hardly walk and all we do will be about walking. I DONT WANT TO GO AND I CANT TELL THEM THAT. THEY WILL HATE ME.

I lied today to keep from going to the doctor and from going to a party given in my daughters honor. I dont lie very often and I feel very guilty.

want to cut, want to hurt want to bleed. dumb stupid *****, cant do nothing right. ever! so dumb and stupid, moron, idiot creep. i hate you and wish you would die and this would all be over. grrrrr...... bite you. hate you, hurt you to death.

I just can't keep it together right now. I cant even get myself to take a shower and I need one. I hate my life right now. Its so screwed up.

SORRY FOR SAYING ALL THAT IN FRONT OF YOU. I KEEP THINKING I'LL FEEL BETTER IF I SAY IT AND GET IT OUT. BUT I DONT FEEL BETTER. I FEEL LIKE A CREEP. A REJECT.

Leslie, Leah, Angry pixie, bad pixie

[silver_queen]

Well you have a valid excuse not to go on the holiday, because of your knee. Could you ring the people you're going with and say you can't go because your knee is swollen and painful, and that you can't even walk properly, and that if you went as you are now you're sure it would spoil your holiday and theirs, and that you're really very sorry, but maybe another time? Because it really won't help your knee at all trying to walk on it if it's hurting. I'm sure they won't mind if you don't go and they definitely won't hate you. If they don't like it then that's their own tough luck, they should be more considerate.

[iamtwilight]

agree with silver queen... safe hugs to the pixie group.

[multipixie9]

Thanks Silver Queen,

I didn't feel like I could tell my family I won't go. It would be like rejecting them.

BUT, I did realize that I have to take care of myself and NOT do stuff that might make the pain too much. My doctor told me to put my knee brace on right when I get up and it will help pain/swelling. It did help some today.

I'm uncomfortable sleeping in other places than my bed; my inside kid-pixies think its dangerous. My husband will keep it safe and I do have medicine I can take for anxiety.

I got to go to counseling today and it really helped me calm back
down and stop freaking out over all this.

Thanks again for input.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((multipixie9)))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel like you have to go to this thing. I understand those conflicting feelings.

I hope the knee brace will do well for you and you will be able to feel safe.

Please let us know how it goes.