Meeting the Core

OK, last night was different.
My BF were in bed, headed toward sleep. Sometimes his system will talk amongst themselves as he dozes off. Sometimes they'll talk to me, too. He's been under a TON of stress lately between unemployment running out and no job yet and getting evicted because he can't keep up with rent. He's been handling it really well, but I know his system is stressed out. There's been a lot of conversation lately.

I heard a very deep voice that i didn't recognize say "It's time to come home" and Jonny answered "OK, I'm tired." I heard again "It's time to come home" and Jonathan answered "OK. Will I ever get to go back out?" (answer was yes).

Then the voice said "You. I don't know you. Who are you?"
And I answered "Me?"
and he said "You must be Kendyll. You love him."
"If I may ask, who are you?"
"I am the Core."
"The Core - The original?"
"Yes. The Original, the Beginning."
"So you're Jon before...?"
"Even Jon is only part of me. I am completely him, but he is only part of me. I am who was Before. I am the One. Jon is fragile - stand by him. Good night, Kendyll."
And with that he went to sleep.


I don't even know what I'm asking about. I guess I just want to talk to people who will listen. I can't tell anyone else about this stuff.
I guess I thought that the guy I met was the...main identity. I suppose he still is. The main interface with the world at any rate. But...does this sound vaguely familiar to anyone? Can anyone help me understand better? I don't even know what I don't know...I'm not scared at all. I just wish I understood more.

Best wishes and hugs to all of you. I still think y'all are so amazing for your strength and courage and I wish you all good things.

Mmm... well, I don't know because everyones system is different but he obviously trusted you enough to share and talk to you.

I agree with Pegasus. It's good he trusts you enough to talk. Keep posting. We're listening.

It is true that we all do it differently, though I'm sure we all have a core, have someone who WAS before the damage made us split to survive.

I wish I had something profound to say that would help or reassure you and I don't.

You are giving your BF Jon a huge gift by believing him. I've been married 28 years and my spouse can't believe me - it weirds him out too much.

Please just keep talking here. At some point maybe you or you and Jon will find someone to help you with the DID. I will say this, I have a friend who's been married over 30 years and her spouse accepts her alters and I think He rocks for just accepting and working with her to get along in marriage WITH the differences, not in spite of them.

You are not imagining things, you are not freaking out. I'm sure the core said those things too you and maybe will communicate more with you as you go along together. It doesn't seem like there's anything to fear. Hang in there, Kendall

Thanks, everybody.

I guess I wasn't expecting there to be anyone else. I mean...I don't know what I mean. I don't understand if Jon is an alter...It doesn't really matter. It's just a perspective that I hadn't considered, hadn't really thought about.

I feel very honored that they trust me and accept me as much as they do. He's gone through so much pain...Yet he trusts me. He trusts me enough to be himself, whoever that may be. And if that really was the Original, the one who was there before he had to split, then I feel VERY honored that he was willing to come forward around me, to acknowledge me and speak to me. If that's the One who's been protected all these years, then what must it have taken for him to trust me that much?

I don't think he knows about that part though. I wanted to ask him, but i don't think it's my job to..."out"...anyone. I try not to get in the middle and I try not to make a big deal out of things. I mean, this is just a part of his life, not some weird crisis thing.
Sometimes he loses time and wants to know what's been going on. If he asks, I'll tell him that I talked to whomever, but...I don't know. I feel as if it's a private conversation, and if they want him to know, they'll tell him themselves. They've all been working on communicating, and I don't have to pass messages as often anymore, which is really cool. But sometimes they tell me not to tell him about some things, and I respect that. I don't like to feel as if we're keeping secrets, but I also don't want to betray anyone's trust.
I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. Life is very big - for each of us.

I wish everyone could have someone to love them and accept them. I don't get it...If you love someone, then why not love all of them?
(OK, I don't love the scary guy, but i still know that he's as real as everyone else!)