All we can do is apologise!!!!!!

Well what can we say???? we want to apologise to everyone who was in chat this morning. What we remember is rage extreme ucontrollabe rage----a feeling that we just dont do. We lost it that is all we know--lost it big time---and we know that by the way we feel right now. Seen by the team and they increased the meds---slept alot---they seeus again later. Team feel we hit some sort of crisis--we not trying to excuse our behaviour. We feel that we havehurt some very special people with our rage!!!!!

For us RAGE==HURT==RAGE==HURT this iswhy we not do it sat on it for so long and fel like it exploded---hoped that rage would nver appear again we were wrong--IT IS HERE IN ALL ITS MAGNITUDE--DONT WANTIT WANT TO GIVE IT AWAY---HATE IT---BUT ITS HERE AND HERE TO STAY.

With rage comes flashbacks and with flashbacks comes rage a nasty and vicious circle turning the rage on ourselves causing us physical pain. NOW we feel the physicale pain of what we did last night---the scars will heal but deep inside the rage burns away and never heals.

Head feels ike it will explode--driving us crazy---switching between others never trusting what we do or say, not remembering being places, not remembering what we should know and finding ourselves in places when we dont know how we got there or how long we been there---very frightening and no control.

The final insults came head to head when our good friend died--we were numb and then our children went to stay with their dad---well the ones dad the other born as a result of voilent rape---a final insult---our trigger who lives in the house but who is not to blame ---but us we see our child and we remember that dark and lonely night when we were so so stupid.
Flashbacks rage through our body in the sights inthe smells inthe taste and touch reminding us of the evil thing we did. Flashbacks ravage away and remind us of the shameful and disgusting things we have done.

The children came yesterday and again today now they can come no more until we no longer feel this rage when will thatbe we not know.
Out of control nce more---no control ---more meds --other shsifting everywhere--paper drawings writings toys scattered everywhere imposing in every room.

It scare us mad and so we decide that for now we need to be looked after by our people, we not be in chat, we will view the forums
and read any pm's that may be sent-----that if we not been kicked out

And so finally thank you too all the truely wonderful supportive people who kept us safe, held our hand and guided us through the rage. Thank you all so much for all that you have taught us which we hope wil help while we walk along this long scary battle to find ourselves.

Please try to remember this:
we meant you no harm
we meant you no pain
we never wanted to make you scared
we want you all to be safe

so please accept that these apologies come from deep within a breaking heart. we seek your forgiveness. we hope that some day soon we will be able to come back to you ,chat with you, luagh with you and cry with you

((((((((((((((((((SAFE HUGS TO YOU ALL))))))))))))))))))))))))))

we will never deny who we are again!!!!!!!

((((((((((((((mandy liz pat donna and kay)))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((silentandscared)))))))))))
I think it's a good thing that you are able to feel emotions. In time, you will learn how to regulate them. My emotions seem to be hidden away for the most part and I feel very few emotions.

Rage can be a scary thing. I know for me it really scares me a lot and puts me back into a time where I was not able to find a safe place other than in my head. I think it can be hard in chat sometimes. Thankfully DocJohn has set up some good things to help everyone keep safe. Hopefully members will utilize these if they feel scared or upset in chat.

Take good care.

(((((silentandscared)))))

I think no apologies are needed. At least not to me.

hey hun *hugs* i've already told you no harm was done and no offense was taken.

the beauty about chat is we can all be there in real time to help each other through the baddest hardest times regardless of location.

i know myself how flashbacks can produce so much anger and hurt inside, so much so you don't know how to eradicate it in a safe way. i'd rather you trusted me..and others here...enough to come into chat and vent than hurt yourself.

you also have to remember you've been through a lot lately...losing your friend, the stuff going on with your kids. it's all deeply hurtful stuff and with hurt comes anger. anger that it happened, anger that you had no control over it to stop it, anger that you can't just make it better by the will of your heart...it's human ok?

please just know that i feel for all you are going through alone just now...and you should know by now i don't mind being here for you ok?

Big Love and Hugs for you ALL

Hi,

I totally agree with Roz and WTH.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time.

I wish I had some magic, but what we do have is hope.

Please get well and feel stronger and continue your therapy.

Your children will be back to you soon enough, so right now you need to do the heavy lifting up yourself.

You can do it! Don't let the bad experiences rob you of the life ahead, Dear Person.

Resolve and understanding are within reach.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I think when you move forward, you will be a stronger, wiser, more lovely person on account.

I look forward to seeing you in support chats and on the forums.

Love and Comfort and Peace,
nightbird

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey Silent, you know that I am HERE for you! I would not have stied with you all last night if I was not. You mean the world to me. Like Roz said these feelings are human and you have been through a lot. I Think you are a wonderful person. Chats are hard but we can be there for you in real time and be able to support you though the times that are most hard. Pleace feel free to continue to come in to chat even if you want me to make a seperate room to talk to you with.

Please keep me up to date at least though PM. You do mean a lot to me! I want to be able to support you.

No harm was done from last night at least on my end. So remember that i am here for you and want to continue to be in touch with you.

I hope you find peace soon.

Doll

((((((((((silent))))))))))

no need for apologies, glad the community team could increase the meds

there comes a time when experiencing the anger is unavoidable & it really is better if you can work it through before the kids come home, although it would be better still if you could be in a safe place while you go through this, being home alone is not ideal
for that reason, we would say please don't avoid chat if you need help
PM one of us to make a private room if you don't feel comfortable in the bigger chats & keep the phone numbers for those assistance lines somewhere where you will see them

all best wishes, you are a strong woman, you will get through this, keep in touch