[multipixie9]

i am supposed to be taking action to find my husband and my self a couples counselor. he will not accept anyone my counselor knows because he blames her for what he considers my "lack of progress". i consider that without her help i might be dead right now. he is letting me choose a counselor, female probably, because he knows men tend to frighten me more than women (truly people frighten me - it is no longer focused on just men). i am too scared to pick up a phone and make a call. i am almost as scared of him coming home to ask if i've made calls and have to say, no, i did not, i chickened out! between the two fears my head is hurting more and more and my stomach hurts. i can't get past the fear yet to make the calls and i feel so bad about me for not doing the job. i am scared. we are scared. it all feels so bad.

leslie and pixies

[iamtwilight]

(((leslie & the pixies)))

is there any way he could be there with you when you make the call? or have a friend? maybe have a talk with your daughters before calling, just for reassurance?

you know that this is for your best interest. one step closer to your husband accepting the side of you that he has been ignoring for years now.

i am sending you lots of positive energy and am with you in spirit.

twilight

[katheryn]

what about looking up some in your area on the internet and emailing them telling them of your fear of using the phone

hope you can find some way around this problem

[JudeeB]

Sounds like you have a few options. 1) keep putting it off, 2) have him do the calling and accept his choice, 3) you make the calls and interview the counselors qualifications.

Please consider; if you get a counselor who after four visits just doesn't seem to fit you move on and try someone else. If you get one that isn't right you have the power and option to move on! Finding a therapist that fits can take a few tries, we all know that.

No one can abuse you now unless you allow them and I know you won't allow it. You are not that scared little girl. You are an intelligent woman who wants to save her marriage and it will take God and a good counselor. All of us here are on your side, you are not alone my friend!

I know you don't want to live anymore being ruled by your feelings.

love you, Judy

[bipolar_bear]

Can your t help ins suggesting a counselor? Sometimes knowing there is a connection with someone I feel safe wtih helps. I am sorry you are struggling so hard with this.

BB

[multipixie9]

thank you for your thoughts on this. iamtwilight, i don't have someone who can help me this way as all my family work during the hours i can call a counselor. katheryn, that is a good idea and i will see what i can find on the internet, it may help me see some good prospects. thanks!

judy those are some true thoughts you wrote except you seem to have a higher regard for my protective abilities than i do just now. but you are right and i am going to have to make some moves and soon. i just didn't want to do it right now in the holiday time of year which stresses me highly each year. but, my husband needs to see some action...phooey. it is not so much me the adult who is so scared, its from an alt or alts inside and i just don't know how to comfort and reassure them that it will be ok. they come out when the stress gets high and that's just what must not happen. i do not feel so darned strong as you seem to think i am. grrr. thank you for telling me what you know i need to hear and not just tell me what you think i want to hear...sigh.

bb, i wish i could take your suggestion but my spouse will not accept anyone recommended by my T. he is adamantly against her and has accused her of making me worse not better. which is not so. my failures such as they are, are all my own making. his mind is closed to my T and to my dx of d.i.d. makes life more complicated and scary to me. thanks for all your support bb, it does help!!

thanks all of you for your support and strength you shared.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

its from an alt or alts inside and i just don't know how to comfort and reassure them that it will be ok. they come out when the stress gets high and that's just what must not happen.

If you could only find a way to comfort this part of you............. Leslie, I know how good of a problem solver you are........

[kimmydawn]

Can you interview therapists first?

Can you call and do the initial interview on the phone...do you accept DID being a big question.

From there, you can go in for a first visit or two first, and without hubby, to see how all of you feel about the potential?

Good luck, hon.

KD

[Sannah]

Leslie, I thought some more about this. It seems that you are afraid of "getting in trouble" with your husband or making him angry. Concerning therapy, it seems that if a therapist and your husband deny your DID that it would be too much for you to handle. I know that if you can fully understand what is going on with yourself that you can problem solve and make a good plan......

[pegasus]

((((((( multipixies )))))))

Just had a thought! Do you have speaker-phone volume on your phone? How about you and hubby sitting together while ringing each therapist that you need to interview? That way, hubby can't blame you if you don't find a therapist right away. Make it a joint venture. So you are both involved in the choice.

[iamtwilight]

just wanted to say i'm thinking of you (((leslie & pixies)))


twilight

[multipixie9]

sanna, you are correct i am afraid of my husband's anger, it still triggers abuse from past. if he and the T were both against did/mpd it would feel like i was ganged up on by them and it think it would be devestating to me. it has taken many years to work with the "denial" part of my system - i had a huge denial part to keep me from believing myself and seeking help or standing up for myself. it is just recently that my mind has been able to release the drive to deny my past and especially to deny the dissociation. i worked so hard to stop denying that i don't want anything to threaten to send me back into the hell of wondering and feeling adrift and uncertain of what is real and what is not!!!! argh!!!

pegasus that is a really good idea only his work keeps him out until 7-9pm each evening outside of hours i think i can get a hold of counselors.

thank you iamtwilight and all of you. your support helps me so much. Gentle Hugs to you all,

leslie and all

[Sannah]

Leslie, understanding your fears like these is the first step, good work! Now to just reassure yourself that you will not allow yourself to regress and that you are strong enough to change any situation that is not healthy for you. I know that you can do it! The scariest part is when you don't know what is going on with yourself, when you don't understand the fears that your subconscious is very aware of. You just figured out these and I have seen you figure out others and you will continue to figure them out .......

[___Shadow___]

Im very upset with you Hubby>>>>Why can't he be helpful?>>>>
Won't he go see your T with you?
This is hard to figure out when there isn't support
But I know you will but sheesh, he could make it easier.
I'm going to poke him

[multipixie9]

thank you sannah for your confidence in my ability to understand and change. what makes you feel so confident that i can do this? right now i feel fuzzy, confused and uncertain i can fight my way out of a wet paper bag. i can be very intuitive and insightful - but usually for others not me. i'm not trying to elicit sympathy i just feel cloudy and dark in my mind.

shadow, i love the idea of you poking my husband, it gave me a genuine smile! hugs and thanks!!!

my husband's lack of support hurts me cruelly. all i can say is that perhaps he just can't bear to accept a world where people can treat children in such a barbaric way. or maybe he just does not believe me. i do know it hurts a lot.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

what makes you feel so confident that i can do this?

Because you are smart and very insightful! I have seen you figure yoursrlf out!

my husband's lack of support hurts me cruelly. all i can say is that perhaps he just can't bear to accept a world where people can treat children in such a barbaric way. or maybe he just does not believe me. i do know it hurts a lot.

Leslie, remember he was abused and he won't deal with it. If he accepts and deals with your abuse he has to deal with his. He has chosen to live in denial and if he denies his he has to deny yours.

..........

[multipixie9]

ya know, sanna, sometimes i forget he was abused and that one time can wreck someone very badly. i had a terrible time stopping my own denial system of alters, so i feel i can't point too many fingers at Phil.

i'm finding it hard to say this correctly, but many times i can see things with great clarity and even insight...for OTHER people. most of the time i feel blocked from doing this for myself - it drives me bonkers that my own system of alts works in the dark and mostly on triggers. please don't think i'm whining but lately this is a big deal. i need to get more organized and clear and just the opposite is happening.

thanks!!!! leslie and all those pixies!

[Sannah]

I'll never think that you are whining Leslie!

[multipixie9]

dear friends,

counseling today was a spiritual experience that helped pull some of my alts to work together and it helped me get myself focused. the deep anxiety has lightened up a lot and the fear has diminished too. my faith is an important part of my recovery and i just love it when God shines light into a dark place inside of me and turns what was dark into light. i feel much more settled inside.

thank you all for your kind support and sharing. it does help and makes me feel like i have friends who care. big hugs!!!

leslie and her pixie pals--->pc.com & all!