[Kendyll]

There have been few more incidents where Jonathan has been really insulting and angry and...mean. Weird, because he will cry and tell me he's sorry, that he doesn't know what's come over him, and a couple of hours later he's at it again. It's been really hard and it really hurts. He's aiming for all my shame buttons with both barrels and creating false memories to "back it up". I tried defending myself - that didn't work. I've tried just detaching (I'm sorry to hear you feel that way") and that didn't do much either. It really hurts a lot.

Last night, Jonathan finally went away and Jonny came out and I just burst into tears. He asked me what was wrong. I hate "tattling" on anyone, but I told him that things weren't right between Jonathan and me, that I was worried about him. He was quiet for a moment and then he cried "S***!" and all heck broke loose in there.

About half an hour later, Jonny and J.T. came out to talk with me. From what they told me, Jonathan's been under attack. Apparently, the therapy sessions are stirring up things that have lain dormant for a long time. Some of these...fragments...have been "using" Jonathan, taking over like a parasite or as if he's being possessed. That sure would explain a lot...

Has anybody dealt with anything like this?
Is there anything I could be doing to help?
Anything I SHOULDN'T be doing?

If you have an alter that's hostile to your SO, how would you want your SO to handle it?
How would you want your SO to respond to (verbal, emotionally abusive) attacks?

I'm trying to remember that this really isn't as personal as it seems. We KNEW therapy would start mixing things up and that it would probably get harder before it gets better. It's just...the attacks are SO personal.

[wanttoheal]

Personally, I would like to tell him it's not acceptable behavior and remove myself from the situation (I know that is hard to do). He may be hurting, but that does not give him the right to take it out on you. Please take care of you Kendyll. You could tell him that you are not going accept his behavior anymore. Then go take a walk, drive, something to get yourself out of the situation. You can tell him you love him and will be back.

((( Kendyll )))

I often worry that one of my angrier alts could hurt or trigger my girlfriend, and I try to take precautions- I remind everyone she's here to help us, and she generally gets along with all of me, but it's a hard situation and I'm afraid I can't offer much advice beyond that.

Wantto has a good point, try to take some time for yourself and make it clear that kind of behavior is unacceptable. I know his well-being means a lot to, but you can't disregard your own, it's valid and important too. If this doesn't stop, can you take some time alone to collect your thoughts?

[sabby]

(((((((((( Kendyll )))))))))))))

I agree with Wanttoheal....regardless of the difficulties that are going on stemming from therapy, no one in the system should be throwing their problems at you and making it personal.

It's hard to do, and I know it can feel mean, but I believe you really need to set your boundaries in this respect. While you may understand and validate, it doesn't mean you have to take the brunt of the anger/fear or whatever emotion they are feeling at the time. Once you can set your boundary, you will find that things will go more smoothly and you shouldn't be attacked in that way any longer. If one of them needs to talk and let things out, there are ways you can help them to do that so you are not the punching bag. Writing, drawing, exercising, cleaning, something physical but appropriate and positive for the release.

Another thing you can do is to say "I see you are feeling angry right now, this is something you should be talking with T about". There is nothing wrong with saying that to help set your boundary


sabby

[bipolar_bear]

I had someone once tell me that DID might explain my behavior but it should never excuse it. That we are responsible for everything that anyone of us do. It is not all right for you to be hurt as he works through this. Please make sure you are safe.

BB

[alyssa_angel]

Really would you accept that behaivour from any one else? A friend? etc

Just because he is going through a lot doesn't give him the right to take it out on you, wanto is right and you should certainly walk away and explain your reasoning for doing so in a calm gentle manner. And suggest some other ways to take out his frustration as said before.

You can also ask someone else within the body to talk to him about it, and suggest better ways of dealing with it and explain that being mean to you is not acceptable, because it is not you who has hurt them.

I hope it gets better for you

[Kendyll]

Thank you everybody!
We were able to talk about it Thursday. Both Jon and I and Jonathan and I.
It's kind of like stuff I went through in therapy, just multiplied. Start working with a T and stuff just starts spilling out and he doesn't know how to control it yet. All the feelings they weren't allowed to have all those years, flooding back. Each person getting swamped by "their" feelings - Jonathan the protector getting blasted with "angry" for example.

We talked about that and about what I went through on my journey. Jonathan was so surprised and grateful that I could put the words on what was happening - he didn't think I'd understand. Oh, honey, I do...They both agreed that they should talk to the T about this, which I think is wonderful. appointment on Monday!

But we also talked about me, and what I need, too. We discussed what had been going on and that I don't have to take that behavior. I told him that when it gets like that, if he can't control himself, that I will probably leave the situation. I still love him, I'm not leaving him forever, but I WILL leave the house if he attacks me (verbally or any other way). You guys are right - I wouldn't take this from anyone else and I don't need to take it from him.

Thank you SO much for all the support. It means a lot to me, means a lot to us.

[wanttoheal]

I'm glad you were able to talk through it. I hope things will be better for you now. Take good care.

[bipolar_bear]

It sounds like you had a very open and good conversation concerning your relationship. I am glad you were able to express yourself and set good boundaries. Awesome.

BB

[we13]

Originally Posted by Kendyll

There have been few more incidents where Jonathan has been really insulting and angry and...mean. Weird, because he will cry and tell me he's sorry, that he doesn't know what's come over him, and a couple of hours later he's at it again. It's been really hard and it really hurts. He's aiming for all my shame buttons with both barrels and creating false memories to "back it up". I tried defending myself - that didn't work. I've tried just detaching (I'm sorry to hear you feel that way") and that didn't do much either. It really hurts a lot.

Last night, Jonathan finally went away and Jonny came out and I just burst into tears. He asked me what was wrong. I hate "tattling" on anyone, but I told him that things weren't right between Jonathan and me, that I was worried about him. He was quiet for a moment and then he cried "S***!" and all heck broke loose in there.

About half an hour later, Jonny and J.T. came out to talk with me. From what they told me, Jonathan's been under attack. Apparently, the therapy sessions are stirring up things that have lain dormant for a long time. Some of these...fragments...have been "using" Jonathan, taking over like a parasite or as if he's being possessed. That sure would explain a lot...

Has anybody dealt with anything like this?
Is there anything I could be doing to help?
Anything I SHOULDN'T be doing?

If you have an alter that's hostile to your SO, how would you want your SO to handle it?
How would you want your SO to respond to (verbal, emotionally abusive) attacks?

I'm trying to remember that this really isn't as personal as it seems. We KNEW therapy would start mixing things up and that it would probably get harder before it gets better. It's just...the attacks are SO personal.

Yes And Yes. Just this summer one of the crew was under attack by those who do not accept that we are all part of the same body and that we have tried to surpress because hurting others is their way of relating. We became vunerable because of the death of our sister last year, and they were trying to gain access to the body to continue my abuser's work. We have been hospitalized 3 times this summer because of this....I couldn't tell that it wasn't Karla....It was an obvious attempt to try to kill us again....I can't wait to start with th new T to try to get some peace and order in our community.

[Kendyll]

I got to meet someone else last night. Well, kinda...
There was this guy with an east coast accent who kept calling me "Lady". I asked who he was, and he said "Me? I'm just hanging out. Just hanging out for a while". Then J.T. came out and told him to "get back in there!".

Later, The Core told me that there are more personalities in here than anyone knows about. He asked if it gets worse before it gets better.

Does it?

[wanttoheal]

I don't think it can get worse, but I think it can feel worse as we become more aware.