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#1
Apr 02, 2009, 12:20 PM
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Hi everyone,
I have been experiencing severe dissociation lately. It all started about 4 weeks ago when the flashbacks started up again. I have been talking to my psychologist about how sometimes i lose hours and sometimes i call people more than once in a day. This startled me and has me thinking that something is going on other than just dissociating due to flashbacks. I have been dissociating during my counseling sessions and then later she tells me about what has happened or what signs there were. On wednesday I had a session with her and things well, how do i put this went really weird. I get this feeling before I dissociate. I start to feel this numbness start to overcome my whole body and then I am gone. I sometimes can remember just starting and things going in and out of my head. Anyways, I started to go numb and she said I turned into a 6 year-old little girl. I don't have the slightest clue as to why I woulld do that, or what would bring that on. We started talking, me and my counselor, and i asked her if i was crazy because i felt and still do feel like i am going crazy. I don't think people would understand if I told them what was happening and going on with me when I am at home or even at work for that matter. I am scared. I asked her, kinda jokingly, if I had multiple personality disorder, and she told me it's now called DID and she didn't know. She couldn't tell me a definite no though and that scares me even more. I have enough going on with not being able to work due to high anxiety and not being able to stay grounded, and now have to worry if I have alters that come out during the day when I can't remember things. I am very scared and worried that people are going to think I am totally crazy and write me off as another psycho out there. I assure you I don't mean anything when I say these things, this is just what is going on in my head right now, and don't know what is wrong with me. Just wondering if anyone has some insite, or has dealt with simular situations. Thanks for listening. |
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#2
Apr 02, 2009, 01:40 PM
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Hi jen29~
This sounds like a very scary time for you. It can be very difficult when the dissociative experineces start to ramp up. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.  Regardless of whether you have DID or not, you are NOT crazy!!  I personally know that when I go through my dissociative experiences I too feel like I am crazy, but that is all part of dissociation and it is not an accurate perception of who you are. I would suggest to express all this to your T, if you haven't already and if you want to explore the possibility that you may have DID or DDNOS then maybe she can set you up with some diagnostic testing along with continued talk therapy. So far, I(we) do understand what you are experiencing from what you have shared. I can empathize with your career issues. I have been dx with Major Depression and PTSD and was just recently diagnosed with DID. I have been having issues just coping and dealing with the depression and anxiety around work and thought that if all of the sudden I was dx with a dissociative disorder that that would somehow make it worse. Truth is DID is only a label. It doesn't change what you have been experiencing just because you give it a name. So, if this is DID, then you have most likely been dealing with it for a long time and just haven't realized it. Unfortunately there is some not so nice stigma against people with mental injuries, disorders, and illnesses out there, but you will not find that here in the forum. It's kind of a "one day at a time" type of thing out in society. If you do have alters....from what I have learned about DID is that people don't begin to become aware of their alters until their system is capable of handling it and until there is a good trust/bond with a T. Believe it or not...this could be a good thing. It's better to learn about what has been going on inside of you so you can start to work with it than continue on in confusion. I don't know if this has helped at all...but I hope it offers a little bit of support.  I(we) are all here for you. Keep us posted on your progress and feel free to ask any questions or voice your concerns/fears here. It is a safe place and there are a lot of wise people here that will help get you through!! 
__________________
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#3
Apr 02, 2009, 01:45 PM
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Thank you so much for the insite. I really needed to hear what you had to say. It puts me more at ease with what is or isn't going on within my head. I am still scared to death. I don't know how I am going to be able to work tomorrow when today I couldn't even put in 4 hours of an 8 hour shift. I may have to take a leave of absense, but don't know yet. I told my dad I was thinking of taking a leave and no response. I hate that, no open communication there. I don't know what to do, is it time for me to move out, or will that just make it even worse.
Thanks again. |
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#4
Apr 02, 2009, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
last week in psych class we touched on a concept that your post does sound like to me. That concept is that every one of us has a child within us. This is different than having alters. the way it was explained was that we all show different parts of ourselves depending on what the situation calls for. At work we are in our professional adult mode where we have to conform to professional regulations of decorum. At home we are in our relaxed adult mode of relaxing and caretaking of the children, home and spouses. But let the doorbell ring and open the door to find a co worker or boss standing there we immediately switch into our professional adult mode that we show when we are on the job. we can be in adult relaxed mode and have a situation happen where you feel like someone has offended you or harmed you and we suddenly switch into the parent mode to protect ourselves. could be that you and your therapist were discussing some things that reminded you of when you were a child so you switched from your adult mode that you were showing into your child mode. there are some great books about the child within and the parent, adult, child concepts. the book we are using right now is called Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy by Eric Berne which explains this concept of Parent Adult Child Ego states. there is another book called Games people play by eric berne but it also explains the Parent Adult Child Ego states that we all have within us. more books on my college book list about parent adult child concept - What Do You Say After You Say Hello - Eric Berne, I'm OK You're OK - Thomas and Amy Harris Scripts People Live - Claude Steiner Last edited by amandalouise; Apr 02, 2009 at 03:27 PM. Reason: added more books on this topic |
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#5
Apr 02, 2009, 02:33 PM
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Jen29~
Ultimately, you have to find your own truth.  Dissociative Disorders run on a continuum with DID being on the more severe side of the continuum. There are a lot of people on this forum that have strong opinions and beliefs with various educational backgrounds. That being said, although there are specific criteria that need to be met to qualify for a dx of DID or even DDNOS, there is not one text book way to be DID or DDNOS. I personally believe that DID is also on it's own continuum. Everyone brings to the table their own experience and knowledge.  But the opinion that matters most are those of your T and yourself. I think that you should leave the "do I or don't I" questions with your therapist and yourself and not let anyone else tell you differently. No one has observed you and assessed you like your T. And even though it sounds like things feel pretty confusing inside of you right now, no one knows you better than yourself. Keep your head up!! 
__________________
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#6
Apr 02, 2009, 04:31 PM
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Thank you very much Elysium. I am scared and hurt at the same time. I don't think I should have even said anything in the begining...but it's too late now. I feel so confused and will see my T. on Wednesday again. I have decided to take a leave of absence from work as well. I can't handle things there or at home for that matter, but maybe I can get away or I don't know, i just know I don't want to end up in the hospital again. Thanks again
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 Hunny
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#7
Apr 02, 2009, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
No prob... Do keep us posted if you like. Like I said, we have a lot of different people with different experiences and education on this forum. Since I joined, everyone has been very supportive and helpful. Hang in there with work and home. One day at a time, one breath at a time, and one foot in front of the other. A very good friend of mine said something to me that comforted me when I was really stressed so I'll pass it on to you. She said... "Remember, this isn't your ALWAYS." You'll get through this!!! (((HUGS))) 
__________________
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#8
Apr 02, 2009, 05:59 PM
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   me tooooo........................ |
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#9
Apr 03, 2009, 02:32 AM
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 Jen29 It's gonna be okay. It's all gonna be okay. Yep, I'm sure it's gonna be all okay. Help is here and is coming. IS
__________________
 “Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” Albert Einstein |
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