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#1
Oct 17, 2010, 06:46 AM
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My husband told me something shocking last night, yet part of me was having a feeling he would say it.
He wants a separation and might need a divorce. I understand how he feels, though. I have a best friend who is male, Ani. The three of us hang out all the time. However, last night, Dane snapped. He got very very upset as he observed me and Ani interacting. We were not being romantic, but we were connecting and joking around. Dane suddenly goes, "Jencarlene! Maybe you should be with him! You guys relate so much better than you and I do! I feel so left out when I see you guys connecting! You aren't afraid of him, but you are afraid of me. You don't want to eat in front of me; you freak out when I come into the room while you are eating! Why?! And you push me away when I reach out to you, unless you are feeling lovey dovey and romantic! When you are in a cr*ppy mood, you go to Ani! WTF?! Why can't you relate to ME that way?!" I completely understand. I still hold myself back from Dane. I open up to Ani. But I don't want Ani as a husband! I want Dane! And I want to work things out! But he's so jealous. Not just of Ani, but of my women friends, too! He wants to be "the one". He is! But I also need my friends! I can't have an isolated, pinioned life as a married woman! I feel like I also might need the divorce! But we still love each other. We got married too fast and we dont' wanna get a divorce too fast. We are now separated. I can't sleep. I feel like a total horrible failure. Another note: I got married to Dane right after my aunt died. Maybe I shouldn't have. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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#2
Oct 17, 2010, 06:48 AM
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Maybe not a failure.
Just got into things too fast. B.
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#3
Oct 18, 2010, 09:56 PM
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It seems like you just feel a special, open connection to Ani because he's a friend, and maybe you just didn't learn how to really open up to Dane?? I'm not sure because I don't know your background.
Is counseling an option for you guys?
__________________
A good friend once told me: All the things that you are doing for others DO NOT GO IN VAIN, and it may seem that you are not getting a return, but you are, maybe not now, but God never lets any good deed go unrewarded. "How can I feel abandoned, even when the world surrounds me; How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me; How can I know so many; never really knowing anyone; If I seem superhuman I have been Misunderstood." |
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#4
Oct 25, 2010, 06:52 AM
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If you really love your husband and you know that he can't accept your friend - I think, it's time to choose.
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#5
Oct 28, 2010, 04:03 PM
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Loving him has nothing to do with this!
Ani is like a cousin to me. No, dane is not accepting this and we are now getting a divorce. We are divorcing precisely because we love each other. Love is not prison. We respect each other enough to let go, instead of holding on to something that can't work anymore. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#6
Oct 28, 2010, 04:06 PM
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Quote:
Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#7
Oct 29, 2010, 07:43 PM
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You said you are divorcing because you "love each other" WHAT? if you love your husband then you should put his feelings ahead of this friend. I am not advocating controlling behavior, but come on, this is the man you married. If you truly want your marriage to work you will do what you can to seek counsel. There are churches out there, and I intern at a facility where grad students charge 10.00 for therapy. I hope you have thought this through. Good luck.
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#8
Nov 12, 2010, 01:43 PM
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[quote=jenkins09;1549114]You said you are divorcing because you "love each other" WHAT? if you love your husband then you should put his feelings ahead of this friend.
I disagree! Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
 Rhiannonsmoon
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#9
Nov 12, 2010, 01:44 PM
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Update:
We are talking about our problem now. He is finally accepting my friend. If anyone disagrees with this or if they still think I am selfish and don't love him, please don't reply. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#10
Nov 12, 2010, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Also, I don't do church. I've done religion before. you come on! Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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#11
Nov 21, 2010, 08:31 PM
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Hello Billi,
You are in a difficult situation. Jealousy is something that can ruin the best of relationships even though you are deeply in love, jealousy is the deal breaker relationships can't survive. I'm glad you are talking, I am hoping that it is a really open minded discussion because jealousy will rear its head again and again. It's something both of you ceremoniously must work on because of its insideousness; starting with one snide remark going into really hurtful comments. If he can let go of it you have a chance; if he can't let go of it then you are best divorced. You are right, love is not a prison.
__________________
 Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
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#12
Nov 22, 2010, 05:47 PM
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Thank you very much Rhiannon.
And I apologize for my earlier anger to those others I just yelled at. I do not feel good when I feel like people tell me what I "need to do". I am just like that. I don't tell anyone what they need to do. I just validate their feelings/experiences and do "active listening". We all support each other differently and we all react differently. Things are shaping up. thank goodness. Peace and Happy Thanksgiving. Billi Quote:
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness! |
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