how does separation and divorce work if one partner has no income?

At this point my wife has indicated that the only reason she is not leaving is that she has no place to go. Technically that's not true - her mother lives a mile away alone in my wife's childhood home. Also, her brother lives less than a mile away. She doesn't get along with either all that well - she does in ways but certainly couldn't live with them without arguing all time.

Also, she takes great offense to me feeling she is a taker but has no problem not talking to me and saying she has left me but still driving the cars I pay for and spending my money otherwise. All this while apparently having left me while still living in the house.

So if we were to separate and/or divorce, how would that work? I'm not leaving my house - I've paid for it and do the work on it. My cars are all in my name. My wife has no income. We can't really pay all of our bills right now without a struggle so how could I fund two houses or afford attorneys? Even though she has no income, she spends many hours involved with schools through PTA and is a member of the school board which takes a lot of time. I'm still basically funding her philanthropic activities and allowing her to live a life volunteering and playing mahjong while we can't pay our bills. She of course does not get that which is part of the problem.

My oldest is 20 and in college so he's all set. The middle will be 18 in a few months and heading off to college so she's all set. The youngest is 14 so still has a few years and she is a quite shy person like me and I don't think she'd fare well with my wife and of course I have no problem with paying for whatever the kids need - I do it now and have no intention of not doing it.

I'm not sure how my wife would even afford an attorney - would I be paying for that too? I can't afford to pay one now even for me.

actually I was just reading through some online resources - sounds like the person who makes the money can get really screwed

I'm in a similar situation only my husband and I have been together for almost eleven years.(no children together) I did work however I got very depressed and had anxiety, and other debilitating things. My husband was okay with me not working however now he has been with a woman and feels very secure with their affair as he blatantly let's me know that he will do as he pleases. He is almost 65 and she is 39yrs. I have no where to go and my husband would have to give me money to survive on. You will have to pay for an attorney and she(your wife) will also get half of what you had together, depending on the state that you live in, each state varies in laws.
The Lawyer's do give free consultations and you could at least have an idea as to what the process is that will take place if you separate or divorce. it's discouraging for you I know as you too want to have things that you worked hard for and desearve to have as yours. relationships are so complicated. warm thoughts to you.

Oh yea, I'm in the process of getting "screwed" in a major way. I got totally blindsided and my wife had been planning for the divorce for over a year. The laws vary from state to state so looking online is a good start.

some advice, make sure you know EVERYTHING about your finances, and as much as possible take control of them. You make the money so as long as you are married you do have that power, you might need to start flexing your might in that area. Don't deposit money into an account that you don't know where every dime is going.

I'd certainly talk to an attorney and find out what you should do. Usually a first-time visit is free, but not always. Find out first. But you need to know what you're supposed to do - if you should get another checking account in ONLY your name, and start depositing your money in that account so she can't get her hands on it, or what. See what he advises. If you have any other accounts, see what he advises about them too.

You need to protect yourself big time!

And SHE needs to get a job. Why not tell her that the money is CUT OFF? That she has to get a job? I sure would. If she wants to continue in her current life-style, I'd tell her to go find a job! You don't HAVE to keep financing her lavish life style if you don't WANT to. Make her pay for it. Nothing says that she shouldn't work, or CAN'T work! Put her out in the work force!

I wish you the very best. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Moo, I'm in the same situation. I earn the money while my H piddles around and spends it. The only reason I'm staying is b/c I feel sorry for him (what a pathetic excuse for a marriage) ... he'll have no house, no job, no money, a drinking problem, and untreated mental illness. What kind of person am I to kick out a person in that condition. I think about Matthew 25:40 (whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me) and think, am I doing right by him or wrong by him (enabling).

And, like you, I'd stand to lose tens of thousands of dollars b/c he chose not to work. It's all so confusing and sad.

Depends on the situation. If you make the money, and the other person gets the kids, it's a given you'll owe child support but that's all fair but only applies to children under 18, in most cases.

When it comes to spousal support or alimony it tends to be kind of complex and I wouldn't assume you'll get screwed. Depends on the state and other factors. I can speak only to my state's rules but for spousal support there are a couple of good things today with the no-fault divorce. If the dependent spouse is living with a bf or gf, the spousal support will not be awarded. If spousal support is awarded it is usually for a limited time period, as if to say the dependent spouse is given time to become independent or find someone to support him/her. I believe in my case, she would aslo have to prove that she is incapable or unlikely to be able to support herself to get it.

It can be a bad thing but it's not necessarily going to be. Dont' assume, check your state's rules and contact an attorney for advice before jumping to conclusions.

I'm there - probably this week I'm putting the final touches on a budget that will be Draconian for her. That will be a war. Seriously though I have three cars that all need some work and don't really have enough to pay for it all but she can go out and buy endless clothes and boots because "she's out in the world now in front of people [school board] and needs to look good and at least people compliment her on how great she looks now [due to the clothes, not because she's lost any weight]".

It looks like getting her to see my perspective is hopeless anyway so I may as well pile spending restrictions on top of it - then I'll duck.

no, it doesnt' seem fair at all. clearly though if she didn't work and I was an abuser and she had to leave me then I can see the courts wanting me to take care of her still - oh wait a minute - she says I subject her to mental torture and all she wants is love - oh well, I'm screwed.

there's only one of three kids under 18 and honestly I'll still be supporting the ones over 18 as well because they are my kids.
I'm not sure how a person competent enough to lead PTA's for 15 years (at least) and now be a member of the school board could not earn a living.
I think I should get the house and the kid and since my wife is the one who wants to leave, she can leave and find her own place or live with her mother.

pretty much. Whatever is fair and equitable in the eyes of the law. Was married for 18 years. Spent that time taking care of spouse and kids. Now have sole custody of kids, child support and spousal support. Good amount, but things are still very tight. Am going back to school in a few weeks to earn a degree and make a living doing something that I may actually be able to retire on.

Wanted to add, stop already with the "I bought this, I bought that. She has contributed nothing." It is not all about YOU. If you are unhappy, then YOU leave and figure it out. Though she may have made no money, she has contributed a great deal and you will find that out in the eyes of the law. At one point, she was everything you wanted. Do you magically have clean clothes and underwear everyday? Somebody takes care of that one. Was it understood that she would be a homemaker in the relationship? Then she DID contribute to the marriage.
Divorce is NOT easy. It is NOT cheap. But in the eyes of the law, if she contributed to your education, supported you in your employment, they WILL look at that. It will be figured into spousal support. She is entitled to HALF of your retirement accounts. Divorce bankrupts most people. I am losing my house to foreclosure. I owe my parents 5K, I have spent the past two years in a separation and finally divorced. Please do the research on the laws in your state. If you don't feel like you can or want to do the divorce, get into some serious marriage counseling and put some hard work in that way. I asked my attorney once why people get divorced if it is so expensive. He said, "because in their eyes, it is worth the money." Sorry to be so harsh, but divorce is like that. There is absolutely nothing fun about the process, even under the best circumstances. It sounds like you are the one that wants out. If that is the case, leave. It sounds like she has no intention of leaving. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

We ( my ex and I ) had a somewhat amicable divorce, no fighting and doing the best to co-parent. It is still difficult and reality is, we are joined at the hip and forced to get along because we havs kids together. It doesn't stop when they graduate either. There will be weddings and grandchildren etc.

Best of luck in your decision. It is not an easy one and will not be anything like you ever thought it would be. If you are serious, get a consultation with an attorney or two. They will give you a dose of reality and it may lend perspective and at that point perhaps help you decide what direction you would like to take.

Even if you cut off money immediately, she could get an attorney pronto and get a temporary award of support. Getting jobs are not that easy when you have been out of the workforce for years. Minimum wage jobs even. It took me a year and over 200 applications to get a job that is on call for $9 an hour. I never know if I will work or not and get at most 24 hours a week.

Unless you have been through the process, it is so easy to assume that things will work out that easy. Life just doesn't work that way.